Party Unity is All, Friends!

Hello friends, and a very warm welcome to you all, although I must emphasise at this early stage that “all” obviously does not include those assorted naysayers, n’er do wells, Moaning Minnies and other subversive types who, sadly, infest this so-called world of ours and indeed elsewhere, and as such are widely detested and hated by myself.

The problem

Today’s post is, I regret to say, about a rather unhappy subject, touched upon in the previous paragraph. There is a problem that we on the Progressive Left must face up to, and fast: there is a group of extremists in our society – which Thatcher claimed didn’t exist, and then totally destroyed – whose views are utterly repellent and held by only a tiny minority of people.

Such people are hellbent on stirring up trouble wherever they go, their only aim in their sad, inadequate little lives being to foment hatred against people who are different from themselves. Such people have no regard for the democratic process at all, preferring instead to conspire together in secret places, all the while pushing their totally repressive agenda forward by every unscrupulous means possible, without let or hindrance.


I refer, of course, as I’m sure you’ve all guessed by now, to the Far-Right Red Tory Treacherous scum who, alas, still have some presence in this Party of ours, and who must be democratically removed as quickly as possible. (Leave this to me – I’m happy to be the goon with the big hatchet.)

No personalities, friends!

As usual, Jeremy and I are not interested in the various personalities involved. This is not a “personal” thing!  And, of course, as ever, we shall not name names – that’s the kind of thing the Tories would do!  All I will say at this stage is that we shall be taking an Eagle-eyed interest in these very Dan-gerous people, and it would be an enormous Benn-efit if they could stop talking a load of Far-Right Ho(o)ey, and quit the Labour Field, quite Frankly, otherwise I’ll have to Chu(c)ka them all out of the Party!   (OK, I confess! These plays on names are totally Hilaryous – and one in the eye to those Right-wingers who predictably claim that we on the Left have no sense of humour!)


The solution to this problem is obvious: these Far-Right infiltrators must be democratically deselected, using the mass power of working people, e.g. students, to totally crush all those who would perpetuate racist, Fascist neoliberalism at the expense of the rest of us.  Leave this to me.

Right of Appeal

Regrettably, no right of appeal will be allowed, otherwise we will be falling in to the trap of having a Party full of appealing people, which is the last thing we in the Labour Party need at this particular moment in time.


Obviously, I would like to thank all the people who have served Our Great Movement for so long, and so faithfully, and who are about to leave our ranks.

But alas, I have to be honest.  These people are quite frankly a total disgrace, and will not be missed in any shape or form whatsoever, quite frankly!  They should just go and join the Tories!

Friends, it is never pleasant to let go of life-long comrades.  Fortunately, however, this is not remotely the case here, and all I personally want to say here is: Good Riddance to all the Red Tory scum and Far-Right Traitors!

Strong Message Here

This may all seem a trifle ruthless to some of you, but just remember, friends, Rome was not built without breaking a few eggs in the kitchen sink!  And also remember – if you try to make a silver lining from a sow’s ear, all you do is end up in the creek without a Nurse to keep hold of!


Friends, let us conclude, as we always do, by singing together – in perfect harmony, as that modern popular singing combo the New Seekers would say! – that rousing final chorus from my personally updated musical classic, the Red Flag:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!







3 thoughts on “Party Unity is All, Friends!

  1. This is the new gentler kinder politics, and as such all Tory scum can f*** right off out of it.

    We want unity and hey! Tories, neo-Tories, crypto-Tories, pink Tories, red Tories, Lib Dems, the SNP, the Greens all hate us and are looking forward to wiping us out in 2020. Job done.


  2. Thank you, friend.

    Jeremy has asked me to pass on his personal thanks to you, both for your uplifting massage, and also for your splendid public service in providing all those helpful “news stands” which, although regrettably providing a platform for Far-Right neoliberal publications, e.g. the Guardian, to perpetuate their racist, Fascist, filth, also provide a very useful service in enabling Jeremy to read such fascinating publications as “Manhole Covers Quarterly Review” totally free of charge.


  3. Can Jeremy or Seamus perhaps, make badges that Red Tory Scum MPs have to wear at all times, perhaps a Thatcher silhouette in red plastic.

    Otherwise it gets confusing, I spat at Diane Abbott last week because I thought it was Chukka Umunha.


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