Good morning, friends, and if your collective ears were burning last night, here is the reason why!
Jeremy and I were talking about you all! Yes, I know, it’s unbelievable! But please just bear with me for a while, as it gets more unbelievable still!
A bit of context … we’d just finished our rather delicious supper of cold baked beans (straight from the tin – absolutely yummy, and no washing up needed afterwards that way!) and had enjoyed yet another stimulating episode of that excellent BBC documentary, the name of which temporarily eludes me, about the lives of ordinary working people living and struggling heroically against Tory Austerity in London’s East End, when Jeremy came right out with the following observation, which I don’t mind telling you knocked me sideways and set me bang to rights:
“Lefty”, he said – we always use first names in private – “that new blog of yours – it seems almost too good to be true, if you know what I mean.”
“Sorry, Jeremy, I don’t know what you mean!”, I rather wittily replied. “What do you mean by ‘if you know what I mean’ in this particular context?” I queried.
“Well, Lefty”, Jeremy said slowly, “as you know, we on the Left in general, and I in particular – we’re used to getting a lot of brickbats from the Far Right Media, with lots of personal attacks on us. Thing is, your blog is so uncritical about me, it just seems, well, as I said, almost too good to be true!”
To which I explained to Jeremy that it seemed only fair to give him, and I quote my words exactly, “a fair crack of the whip in this blog, because I know how sick you must be of all the knockers” – I couldn’t help but notice a slightly puzzled look cross his brow at the latter word – “and the whole point of this blog is to redress the balance”.
“Fair enough”, Jeremy averred. “But even the comments underneath your pieces – they are almost 100% in support of us. Presumably this means that you are deleting quite a few of the more critical comments that undoubtedly are being made? It seems a bit strange that no criticisms are being made about me. After all, Lefty” – and here he chuckled self-deprecatingly – “even I am not that perfect!”
“As it happens, Jeremy”, I stated firmly, looking him straight in the eye all the time, “I have never yet deleted any critical comments about you. I have not needed to, because” – and at this point I had not inconsiderable difficulties in containing my pent-up emotions – “all my readers feel exactly the same way about you that I do”.
Unless I’m much mistaken – and I usually am – I detected a tear in Jeremy’s eye at this point, which he hastily wiped away with the sleeve of his new jacket which I had purchased for him at the recently-refurbished Oxfam shop in Islington High Street earlier that day. I could also hear a slight quaver of emotion in his reply which went, to my best recollection, as follows:
“Well, Lefty, all I can say at this particular moment is how very touched and grateful I am, not just to you for your fine Blog, but also to your readers. Some of the names there are becoming like old friends – TotallyTiredOfRefutingEULies – whose fantastic and inspiring Mass March to Liverpool has now become legendary amongst herself – Roy, Stephen, Pete, Mr. Nobbler, Wayne, Brian – who I’m quite sure from his comments is Dangerous only to Tories and Kippers! – Marx My Words (is that you, Karl?!), John (I’m sure you’re not that Old!), I Leftard (surely not!), Mr Wanderer who hails from Wycombe, Mr B. Stand who hails from Afghanistan, Mr. Bob from Swiss Land, Benthic, Irreverent Little Sheep (I think it was), Varangarian (I am too – haven’t eaten meat for years!), and, last and least, Mr. W.H. Smith. (Apologies if I’ve forgotten anybody, Old Goat! But quite frankly, your remark yesterday wasn’t too helpful, quite frankly!) It really is a refreshing change to have constructive and helpful comments like theirs, which I have to say is a very welcome contrast to that hotbed of Neoliberalism, Labour List, which these days sadly seems to be totally infested with Tory Trolls and Red Tory Traitors.”
Well, isn’t that just something, friends? I bet you’re all as moved as I am! You see – Jeremy does read the comments!
Bye for now, friends – I’m off to prepare my comments on Jeremy’s forthcoming stunning performance at today’s PMQs, in which once again he totally slaughtered Camoron! They’ll be read out on BBC2’s Daily Politics by the fragrant Jo Coburn shortly after 12.30pm – don’t forget to tune in for my totally objective take on Jeremy’s latest huge victory!