Hello, friends!
And what an exciting week this is turning out to be for those of us on the Progressive Left who cannot wait to see the back of Far Right Tory Austerity, with Government spending being slashed from £748 billions (as Our Gordon used to call them – no singular “billion” for Our Gordon!) in 2015 to £760 billions in 2016 – that’s a full £12 billions difference, friends! And yet, there are some Hard Right lunatics, i.e. Liam Byrne, who claim that this isn’t a cut at all, and furthermore that “There is no money left”, when as we all know, we could print as much money as we needed in a matter of minutes, quite frankly! After all, that’s what Our Gordon did when the Banksters wrecked the economy a few years ago! Honestly, the economic illiteracy of some people! Words totally fail me!
Absurd
Anyway, let’s move on to a much happier subject, friends! I’m sure you all know what I want to talk about today! (You know me so well, friends!) Sorry it’s taken me so long, but quite frankly I’ve just been so overcome with excitement, it’s been impossible to put pen to paper, so to speak! Celebration – in the shape of two tins of baked beans for supper, washed down with a full bottle of Irn-Bru and followed by Angel Delight (Strawberry ‘n’ Vinegar flavour), swallowed straight from the packet – has been very much the order of the day – or to be precise, night – friends! Jeremy thought we were being rather extravagant, but as I said to him, “If we can’t splash out at a time like this, Jeremy, then when can we? After all, May 2020 is still quite a long way off!” For some reason, he gave me a rather strange look at this, but fortunately did not demur at the main thrust of my case, so to speak!
Even now, the full impact of Jeremy’s triumphant day yesterday hasn’t quite sunk in! The Tories really are on the run now, friends! Camoron will, I am quite certain now, be stepping down within the next 4 years, as he wouldn’t dare fight an election with Our Jeremy as his opponent! And I’ve heard that Boy George (as Jeremy wittily refers to him, on account of his youth and inexperience) was shaken up so much by Jeremy’s slashing speech that he needed to have a lot of Coke afterwards to calm him down! Must admit, I’m mystified as to why that rather revolting fizzy drink would have a calming effect on anyone, let alone Boy George – I’d have thought a stiff whisky or twain would have been more his style – but as Jeremy shrewdly remarked to me last night, “There’s no accounting for taste, Lefty!”
Hyperbole
Jeremy’s speech was really something, wasn’t it, friends? Sheer modesty forbids me from revealing who wrote it, but let’s just say that it was by someone whose speech-writing skills have played a major part in giving Jeremy the sort of reputation for speech-making that he has today! Just savour the following passage, for instance:
It’s a recovery built on sand on a budget of failure. He’s [Boy George] failed on the budget deficit, failed on debt, failed on investment, failed on productivity, failed on trade deficit, failed on the welfare cap, failed to tackle inequality in this country.
Even now, re-reading those words brings tears to my eyes, friends! This was truly Jeremy’s Finest Hour – an Hour that we on the Progressive Left will look back on in years to come, when we’ll all say to each other, “This Hour, friends, was the Hour when Jeremy picked up the baton and, leaving no stone unturned under the carpet, proceeded to run with it all the way down the garden path and right in to the long grass, where he then proceeded to beat around the bush with it until the cows came home, in the process well and truly shooting the Tories’ fox, leaving them dead in the water and without so much as a paddle to dig themselves out of the hole that they had dug themselves in to!”
Incredible
And wasn’t Jeremy splendidly attired, friends? That new jacket went down a treat, didn’t it? That was sheer luck – I just happened to spot it in the nearby Islington Oxfam Shop where it was on sale for a very reasonable £35. Apparently, the man who’d donated the jacket was some geeky fellow in his 40s, who had a rather strange way of speaking and an even stranger face, who also hailed from North London, and who last May had failed totally in some sort of “major project” he’d hoped and indeed expected to succeed in. Well, his loss was obviously Jeremy’s gain! Jeremy was a bit disappointed that the jacket fitted him so exactly – he normally likes one that’s a couple of sizes or so larger – but the red tie (only 99p! Amazing!) settled matters, along with, almost certainly, the result of the next General Election, thanks to Jeremy’s barnstorming performance!
Strong Message Here
Well, friends, I think you know what’s coming! But, friends, is it not so appropriate for us to sing on this happy, joyful and triumphant day? In the words of McFadden and Whitehead, there “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now”! (maybe I should redo the lyrics of that contemporary classic for Our Jeremy?). Let us just quietly, and with the great dignity that This Great Movement Of Ours is so justly famous for, sing, at the top of our voices, that uplifting chorus from my updated version of that musical and lyrical classic, the Red Flag, which seems even more relevant than ever on this particular happy morning:
SupportOurLefty 
So Lefty, again you manage to do what those on the right would consider impossible and create a speech that has failure at it’s heart.
Brilliant plan, with people like you in positions of power, part of a team that includes Seaumus, John, Diane and Tom, surely the failure in 2020 will (or won’t) be a certain and predictable option.
Keep up the good work and don’t forget to keep me up to speed with marches, demo’s etc.
Power to the (right kind of) People.
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My speech yesterday was all part of Labour’s long-term plan to remove George Osborne and David Cameron. And they will be removed.
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Oh Jeremy, how very happy I – and all who read this blog – are to see you here :). Thank you so much for your typically astute comment, which I know will be manna from Heaven to all of us on the Progressive Left, and as such will be lapped up eagerly! I do hope you’ll contribute here regularly, as everyone here wants to hear your views, straight from the horse’s mouth and to the point!
By the way, what would you like for supper tonight? Fancy baked beans – mmmmmm? And do you mind if we don’t invite Diane and Seamus round this time? I for one fancy a quiet evening in, after last night’s high jinks!
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Hi Jeremy,
It is encouraging to see you have finally found the blog site of your Number 1 fan..leftyliestotalyrefuted
It would be interesting if you could provide some inspirational words to all your admirers who worship here , in secret, on a daily basis. We admire the verbal spankings that you dish out to David Cameron on a weekly basis at PMQ’s and wonder where you learnt your oratorical dexterity..please, any tips on public speaking would be appreciated.
Any chance, finally, that you could attend my Grass roots meeting of the welovejeremycorbyn
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Regrettably I do not have a lot of time in my schedule to reply to flippant comments on an insignificant political blog.
However you can rest assured that Labour is doing all it can to expose the lies and deceit that spewed from the Chancellor’s mouth yesterday. The newspaper commentators have now realised that all that I said in the House yesterday, in response to the Chancellor’s speech, was in fact totally accurate.
Viz:
Forecasts – missed
Debt – up
Productivity – down
Growth – down
It will not be long before the Chancellor’s so-called friends in the media will be running headlines such as ‘Omnishambles 2.0’.
The Chancellor will very soon be removed from office because of the embarrassment he causes the Prime Minister. I have no doubt about of this.
And if Britain does vote to leave the EU in the forthcoming Referendum then I expect the Prime Minister to call a snap General Election to head off a Vote Of No Confidence coming from his own Party.
Labour will be fully ready for this eventuality.
Labour will then be able to present its alternative vision for a better, fairer Britain.
If elected we will:
Abolish the Bedroom Tax
Reinstate the 50% tax band
Increase Corporation Tax to 40%
Reduce VAT to 15%
Increase spending on the NHS
Take the train operating companies back into public ownership
Take the utility companies back into public ownership
Take the Royal Mail back into public ownership
Repeal the Health & Social Care Act in England and relieve private companies from their NHS contracts as a result of this
Remove Mr Carney from the Governorship of the Bank of England
Cancel Trident
Bring all state schools back into Local Authority control, thus abolishing Academies and Free Schools
Remove charitable status for private schools and hospitals where they are clearly run as a business for profit
Be under no illusion that I and my front-bench colleagues will be fully prepared to implement these manifesto commitments as soon as a Labour Government is elected.
My team has the skills and experience to carry these tasks through, and they will do so under my leadership.
Together we will create a fairer and more prosperous Britain.
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Jeremy – friend – thank you for spending so much of your valuable time here and explaining our policies to those colleagues and friends who don’t share my advantages of knowing you well and being a life-long comrade and friend.
Some of my readers have been asking me about 3 of your specific policies listed above, namely:
Increase Corporation Tax to 40%
Reduce VAT to 15%
Remove Mr Carney from the Governorship of the Bank of England
Although, as we both know, you and I have frequently discussed the desirability of these measures, they have never been officially agreed by the Labour Party, and John McD. has not officially entered them in to his Little Read Book.
I do think it’s imperative, friend, that we do not “leak” proposals that – however desirable they may be, and indeed are – have not been officially approved, as it might give the impression that the Labour Party has been taken over by an unrepresentative cabal, who are intent upon sneaking through policies that have not been costed or discussed in any way. Such an impression could appear unfortunate.
Once we’re in office, needless to say, there should be no problem!
This is not, of course, in any way a reprimand, friend. I am painfully aware of the pressures you are under – it’s just that I don’t want us to imperil our increasingly-rosy electoral prospects by giving the Far-Right media the opportunity to smear us by quoting things that you may have inadvertently written here on this blog in “a moment of madness”, to coin a phrase in the fountain of youth!
By the way, I won’t be back till quite late tonight. Don’t wait up.
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Hi Jeremy, good to see you back here again,
I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t mention if you were available to come to my grass roots meeting, but we can put that to one side for the moment.
Of course, the really big news is that you have finally laid out your policies for all to see, and may I say that I am totally overwhelmed by the sheer profundity and depth of your ambition. You will be fundamentally altering the social and political landscape of our country with this bold, radical and progressive agenda. There is nothing in your list with which I, or indeed anyone, could possibly disagree.
And I predict a landslide victory for you and those of us on the moderate left like yourself, once the public see these proposal for themselves.
You say you haven’t got time to post on insignificant blogs. Quite right, post here instead
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As I am sure you will appreciate I receive lots of requests to attend meetings and rallies all over the country. Regrettably I am not able to attend every such event, but perhaps if you were able to give me the date, the likely location, and the indicative numbers of comrades that would be attending, I’ll see what I can do. Alternatively I may be able to direct either Tom Watson or John McDonnell to deputise for me.
Would you be amenable to that suggestion?
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