Party Unity is All, Friends!

Hello friends, and a very warm welcome to you all, although I must emphasise at this early stage that “all” obviously does not include those assorted naysayers, n’er do wells, Moaning Minnies and other subversive types who, sadly, infest this so-called world of ours and indeed elsewhere, and as such are widely detested and hated by myself.

The problem

Today’s post is, I regret to say, about a rather unhappy subject, touched upon in the previous paragraph. There is a problem that we on the Progressive Left must face up to, and fast: there is a group of extremists in our society – which Thatcher claimed didn’t exist, and then totally destroyed – whose views are utterly repellent and held by only a tiny minority of people.

Such people are hellbent on stirring up trouble wherever they go, their only aim in their sad, inadequate little lives being to foment hatred against people who are different from themselves. Such people have no regard for the democratic process at all, preferring instead to conspire together in secret places, all the while pushing their totally repressive agenda forward by every unscrupulous means possible, without let or hindrance.

Who?

I refer, of course, as I’m sure you’ve all guessed by now, to the Far-Right Red Tory Treacherous scum who, alas, still have some presence in this Party of ours, and who must be democratically removed as quickly as possible. (Leave this to me – I’m happy to be the goon with the big hatchet.)

No personalities, friends!

As usual, Jeremy and I are not interested in the various personalities involved. This is not a “personal” thing!  And, of course, as ever, we shall not name names – that’s the kind of thing the Tories would do!  All I will say at this stage is that we shall be taking an Eagle-eyed interest in these very Dan-gerous people, and it would be an enormous Benn-efit if they could stop talking a load of Far-Right Ho(o)ey, and quit the Labour Field, quite Frankly, otherwise I’ll have to Chu(c)ka them all out of the Party!   (OK, I confess! These plays on names are totally Hilaryous – and one in the eye to those Right-wingers who predictably claim that we on the Left have no sense of humour!)

Solution

The solution to this problem is obvious: these Far-Right infiltrators must be democratically deselected, using the mass power of working people, e.g. students, to totally crush all those who would perpetuate racist, Fascist neoliberalism at the expense of the rest of us.  Leave this to me.

Right of Appeal

Regrettably, no right of appeal will be allowed, otherwise we will be falling in to the trap of having a Party full of appealing people, which is the last thing we in the Labour Party need at this particular moment in time.

Tribute

Obviously, I would like to thank all the people who have served Our Great Movement for so long, and so faithfully, and who are about to leave our ranks.

But alas, I have to be honest.  These people are quite frankly a total disgrace, and will not be missed in any shape or form whatsoever, quite frankly!  They should just go and join the Tories!

Friends, it is never pleasant to let go of life-long comrades.  Fortunately, however, this is not remotely the case here, and all I personally want to say here is: Good Riddance to all the Red Tory scum and Far-Right Traitors!

Strong Message Here

This may all seem a trifle ruthless to some of you, but just remember, friends, Rome was not built without breaking a few eggs in the kitchen sink!  And also remember – if you try to make a silver lining from a sow’s ear, all you do is end up in the creek without a Nurse to keep hold of!

Conclusion

Friends, let us conclude, as we always do, by singing together – in perfect harmony, as that modern popular singing combo the New Seekers would say! – that rousing final chorus from my personally updated musical classic, the Red Flag:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

 

 

 

 

 

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Updated version of The Red Flag, in honour of Our Jeremy!

Hello friends, and welcome to Day 4 of this increasingly influential blog, which as you all know, is totally dedicated to supporting Our Jeremy, as is rather subtly hinted at in its title!

Well, today’s blog is a little different!  It is on a musical note – pun intended! My good friend and comrade, TotallySickOfRefutingPredictableEULies, recently suggested that I should update the whole of that magnificent Socialist Anthem, The Red Flag, in honour of the imminent ascension of Our Jeremy to Supreme Political Power, and I have indeed done just that!

Needless to say, I have shown the finished version to Jeremy, and am pleased to report that he said I’ve managed to achieve exactly the sort of standard of writing that he has come to expect from me!  What a compliment eh! *Blushes*!

Anyway, without further ado, here is, for the very first time, my updated version of The Red Flag, which hopefully will be sung at the next Labour Party Conference. Enjoy!

FIRST VERSE:

Our Jeremy’s flag is, and always will be, totally deepest red,
It shames Red Tory Treacherous scum who should rightly be dead,
The sheer Fascism of the Far Right views they predictably hold,
Must be consigned in to the Dustbin of History, ‘ere we grow old.

CHORUS:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!
.
SECOND VERSE:
.

Look ’round, People’s Tribune John McDonnell totally loves its blaze,
Our sturdy Diane, when on Question Time, happily chants its praise,
In Socialist Councils up and down the land it is joyfully sung,
In anticipation of that 2020 General Election landslide that will soon be won.

(CHORUS)

THIRD VERSE:

It waved above our infant might, defying totally the Hard Right,
When all ahead was a total neoliberal hegemony which we had to fight,
It witnessed many a totally predictable act of treachery, and how!
Friends, whatever we do, we really must not change its colour now.

(CHORUS)

FOURTH VERSE:

It well recalls the triumphs past, i.e. Jeremy’s election on 12th September last,
It gives hope of peace at last, when the Malvinas to the Argentinians are passed,
The banner bright, the symbol plain, defying those Red Tories who are such pains,
Upholding our Human Rights and taxing the Banksters’ totally unjustified gains.

(CHORUS)

 FIFTH VERSE:
 .

It suits today the weak and base, i.e. the Red Tory traitors who are a total disgrace,
Whose minds are fixed on how to sell out Socialism and put Fascism in its place,
To cringe before the 1%’s frown, and set up compulsory Food Banks in every town,
And, in an act of total treachery to Our Movement, haul the sacred emblem down.

(CHORUS)
 .
FINAL VERSE:
 .

With all our hearts we all pledge total loyalty to Our Jeremy, all of us walking tall,
To keep on totally fighting the Right-wing Red Tory Traitors and scum till we fall;
Come every sort of Bedroom Tax, Zero-Hours Contract and Tory Austerity grim,
This wonderfully updated (though I say so myself!) song shall be our parting hymn.

FINAL CHORUS:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

EXCLUSIVE: A Personal Message From Our Jeremy!

Hello again, friends. And a very warm welcome to all of you on Day Three of what is rapidly becoming – and I say this with all due humility – the most widely-read and influential blog in the world, and indeed elsewhere!

No wonder the Tories are getting seriously rattled, as their Bankster-funded, Murdoch-controlled, Far Right Monopoly Media hegemony, e.g. the BBC, is being rocked to its very foundations by the sheer popularity of this blog, which mirrors that of Our Jeremy, whose own popularity is reaching new depths on an almost daily basis!

We on the Progressive Left have so much to be excited about at the moment – and, no, I’m not just referring to the thrashing that Our Jeremy is going to give to Bullingdon Bully Boy Camoron at PMQs tomorrow!  I bet Camoron is dreading tomorrow’s encounter every bit as much as he does every week! Thank goodness for the new, kinder, gentler politics eh!

Anyway, I dare say that you are all intrigued, not to say totally excited, about the headline of today’s blog!   And you are right to be!  But, of course, it’s not really surprising, is it, that Our Jeremy would wish to convey his highly-personal message to the 250,000 odd people who gave him their votes (often several times, such was their sheer enthusiasm!) last September, via the one Media Outlet that guarantees to give Our Jeremy a fair hearing, and which will not stoop to the depths of the Tory-controlled mass media, e.g. the so-called Internet, which regularly smears and misrepresents Jeremy by quoting his past speeches as though they were in any way relevant to today’s changing political scene.

Well, I can tell that most of you cannot contain your impatience any longer, to see what Our Jeremy has to say to you!  And, fear not, the wait is almost over! Please, though, don’t cheat by looking down the page to see what Our Jeremy’s said!  That’s a bit like those people who skip the “dull bits” in porn movies and go straight to the “exciting bits” – not, of course, that Our Jeremy and I would know anything about such depraved and frankly disgusting habits! Apart from anything else, we’re far too busy planning our great political strategy for the next 20 years or so, in which all forms of intolerance will be smashed, and Our Jeremy will ascend to Supreme Political Power, ushering in a New Era for Britain, which will rapidly become, under his inspired leadership, a Socialist beacon of hope in the world and elsewhere – the Venezuela of Europe, if you like (and indeed, even if you don’t!).

Good news: the wait is finally over, friends!  Thank you for your patience. Here, for you all to see, in a truly historic moment – not just for the world, but also for this Blog – is the message that Jeremy has asked me to convey to you all this Tuesday morning, the very first day of March in the Year of Two Thousand And Sixteen:

“Hello, friends. Thank you all very much for all your support. Many battles lie ahead of us.  But with your help, I know we can succeed. Thank you all again.”

******************************************************************

Wow!  I bet that you are all as overcome by Our Jeremy’s comments as I am!   Words fail me at this particular moment in time, as I expect they do you!  Let’s just absorb the full import of Our Jeremy’s message for a moment or two, and then let us sing together, as a gesture of solidarity to Our Great Leader, the final chorus of my updated version of that fine musical classic, the Red Flag:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!
*********************************************************
Goodbye friends – but not for long!  (You can’t get rid of me that easily!)