Boy George’s Existential Threat To This Blog, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And as you may have shrewdly guessed, I have some very disturbing news, which is disturbing me greatly as an extremely disturbed person, and which I am sure will disturb all of you, once I have spelled out in black and white the Sword of Damocles which is now hanging over this Blog like a dark cloud which has absolutely no silver lining in any shape or form whatsoever, quite frankly!

This Blog – which, like society, Thatcher claimed didn’t exist, and then destroyed, and is the envy of the world and elsewhere – is under attack by this totally unelected Tory Government, friends!

Crazy neoliberalism 

This nightmare – which, friends, is truly nightmarish – all started yesterday morning, when the phone rang.  I answered, as I always do, “Jeremy’s office”.

A rather thin, squeaky, but unmistakably posh voice asked: “Hello, it’s George Osborne here. Is Mr. Lefty available, please?”

“Speaking”, I answered, crisply, adding, rather wittily I thought, “Is that George Osborne, as in Boy George?”

“No – nothing to do with Culture Club. Mr. Lefty, I need to talk with you about your Blog. Could you please come to the Treasury for a chat?  This afternoon at 3pm, OK?”

I was about to point out that I was due to go on a Mass March Against Tory Austerity, attended by myself, at that exact time, when there was a click and the line went dead.  Ah well, I thought, perhaps what Boy George had to talk about was important. After all, he and Camoron are probably getting pretty rattled about this Blog!

Arriving at the Treasury sharp at 3pm, I was ushered in to a large, oak-panelled room, where Boy George was sitting behind a large desk.  I couldn’t help but notice he looked rather pale, his hands were shaking slightly, and there was a rather spaced-out look in his eyes – but, almost needless to say, I put this all down to understandable nervousness at meeting such an influential political Blogger as myself.  (On a more trivial note, I was also surprised to see traces of a white powdery substance on the collar of his dark blue suit jacket, as I had never heard that Boy George suffered from dandruff.)

He didn’t, though, take long to get to the point. “Now, Mr. Lefty, I’ll come straight to the point.  I’m afraid to say that, as a result of certain, er, savings that we are needing to make at the present time, we are going to have to sell orf your Blog.  Now, there are a number of possibilities here: a trade sale, a management buyout, or even a Stock Market flotation. Anyway, I just thought I should let you know in person. Any questions?”, he sneered, with a look of utter contempt in his eyes and a disdainful curl of his upper lip.

“Well, Boy … er, frien … er, Gidi …  er I mean Mr. Osborne”, I stuttered – his right eyebrow arched as I fumbled over what to call him – “this has come as a not-inconsiderable shock to me. Are you not aware of the devastating effects on jobs, the Environment, and indeed the worl … “.

“Oh yes, the world and elsewhere, friend”, Boy George sneered, impatiently. “Well, Mr. Lefty, I’m afraid that your so-called Blog simply isn’t viable as it currently stands.  We have many competing claims for resources, and I’m afraid that your Blog is not one of them. It isn’t” – he sniggered at this – “part of our Long-Term Economic Plan. Good afternoon, friend”, he sneered, with a particular emphasis on the last word.

“Well, it’s not that goo …”, I started, before realising that Boy George was dismissing me.

Utter disaster

Friends, this is the biggest threat to face this Blog since it was founded several weeks ago!  As I’m sure you’ll all recall, setting it up was no easy matter. Funding has always been an issue, what with constant Tory Austerity and attacks by the Far Right, e.g. Mr. so-called “Dan” Jarvis, who has even questioned whether this Blog “properly belongs in the public sector at all”.  And then they claim that this man is not a Far-Right Red Tory Traitor!  When I hear claims like that, so great is my anger, it’s hard to put a coherent sentence together! [No change there then, Lefty!J.C. Quit the wisecracks, Jeremy – this is not a joking matterL.  Who said I was joking?J.C.]

Strong Message Here

Of course, a heartless sociopath like Gidiot doesn’t care about this Blog, friends! He just regards it as a tiresome burden on the State, friends!  He doesn’t care about the fact that, if this Blog closes, literally millions of jobs will be lost, and one of the very few voices of opposition to his neoliberal, Fascist policies will be silenced.

************************************

Well friends, I hope that as this may – thanks to Tory Austerity – be the last Blog, at least for some time, you’ll permit me to finish on a different musical note to our usual one!

Lineup:

Me: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals.

Jeremy: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals.

John: Little Read Book! No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals.

Diane: Organ, Backing Vocals.

Emily: Drums and General Percussion.

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

I’ve paid my dues [Don’t you mean “Jews”?K.L. Quiet, Ken.L.]
Time after time
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no Hate Crime
And bad Blogs
I’ve written quite a few
I’ve had my share of neoliberal Fascism
Kicked in my face
But I’ve come through

And this Blog means to go on and on and on and on [You said it, Lefty! J.C.]

We are the champions, friends
And we’ll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for Far Right Red Tory Treacherous scum
‘Cause we are the champions of the World, and elsewhere

I’ve taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune [Ha!J.C.]
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before
The whole human race
And I ain’t gonna lose

And this Blog means to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions – my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for Far Right Red Tory Treacherous scum
‘Cause we are the champions of the World, and elsewhere

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2 thoughts on “Boy George’s Existential Threat To This Blog, Friends!

  1. When I read this I felt sick. Worse than that, I felt I had been stabbed, much like that Tory-lite snake-in-the-grass Jess Phillips once threatened to do to Our Jeremy.

    Not only is it slashing state investment to appease the 1% who were the only ones to vote for this unelected government, it is riding roughshod over our so-called democracy and yet further increasing the monopoly of the Murdoch-owned right-wing press, eg Twitter.

    Have you considered crowd-funding? I know it would be more progressive to make the banksters pay for a blog which relentlessly attacks them for the self-serving tax cheats they are, but desperate times call for desperate measures…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, friend. I agree with everything you say, only even more so. It’s good to know that we on the Progressive Left enjoy such diversity of opinions, isn’t it?

      Re crowd funding – unfortunately, I am scared of crowds. I’d prefer to build on your very original-sounding proposal of a tax on Banksters instead.

      Like

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