All Of Us On The Progressive Left Must Fight Together To Save Our Dave, Friends!

(Note: This blog has been produced with the aid of a grant from two of our new friends, Our Goldman Sachs and Our J.P. Morgan, who we on the Progressive Left now realise are part of a Great Progressive Movement which includes many other progressive elements, e.g. The Bosses Our CBI, The Rapacious Our 1% and The Evil Our Banksters, The Neoliberal Our IMF, The War-Mongering Our NATO and Our EU Commissioners, along with Those Red Tory Traitors Friends Mandelson and Bliar Blair, The Fascist Friend Heseltine, Pathetic Grey Man Friend John, and  Unelected EU Bureaucrat Friend Juncket, and many other Progressive Friends.)

Hello, friends.

And I am sure that you are all as alarmed as I am by the news that certain Opinion Polls – those notoriously notorious tools of the 1% and the Banksters – have recently moved in favour of Far-Right Neoliberal Fascism, i.e. the so-called Leave camp.

Friends, we cannot possibly leave Our EU now!  It would be the end of Our EU as we know it! We simply cannot afford to take the risk!

Crazy neoliberalism, friends! 

Consider this point, friends.  At present, as part of the extremely good deal we receive for our very modest membership fee, the EU generously produces around 60% of all our new laws.  So if, friends, we were so foolish as to leave Our EU, how could the British Parliament possibly make up the difference?

Does anyone seriously believe that this totally unelected Tory Government would be capable of generating all the highly-necessary laws that Our EU benevolently provides, for instance, to ban electric toasters, hair-dryers and lawn-mowers that use too much power (i.e. any)?

Such measures are, after all, an indispensable part of Our Great Fight Against Man-Made Catastrophic Climate Change, which, friends, must not be confused with weather, e.g. that awful thunderstorm we had the other day, which was obviously firm proof of Man-Made Catastrophic Climate Change, which well over 100% of all scientists in the world, and indeed elsewhere, agree has absolutely nothing to do with weather.

Total double-think, friends!

Friends, as you are all doubtless aware, this Blog is Camoron’s fiercest critic, and even now I do not resile from any of my previous comments about him, especially as they were made in the past, and in any case have been taken totally out of context, e.g. my recent comment in the Guardian, in which I said that “The hated Camoron is, as we all know, a Far Right Neoliberal whose views are held in total contempt by all fair-minded people on the Progressive Left, i.e. myself.”

Cameron is, after all, a Bullingdon Bully Boy, as well as a man who would have been a Bankster, had he been one.  He has totally destroyed Britain by his policy of reckless Far-Right Tory Austerity, in which Government spending has been slashed from £692 billions (as Our Gordon used to call them – no singular “billion” for Our Gordon!) in 2010, to only £760 billions in 2016 – that’s a full £68 billions difference, friends, whatever Hard Right neoliberal elements, i.e. Liam Byrne, might claim!

Furthermore, Mr. Cameron has led the most Right-wing Government in British history, which has attacked and destroyed the lives of some of the poorest and most vulnerable people in our society – which Thatcher denied the existence of, and then destroyed – i.e. Our Junior Doctors, who are now forced to work 95-hour weeks on Zero Hour Contracts for poverty wages in Our NHS, which this vindictive Government is now totally destroying by privatisation, e.g. by forcing it to operate a totally unnecessary 7-day service, which it already does in any case, and which is the envy of the world and indeed elsewhere.

Let us support Our Dave in his Hour Of Need, friends!

But, friends, on the grave matter of Our EU, it has to be said that Friend Cameron is absolutely correct, and we on the Progressive Left must give him our full support.

There has been a series of totally nauseating and despicable attacks recently on Friend David by the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Monopoly Media, e.g. the woman in the Sky News audience last week, regarding his surely-indisputable point that, were Britain so reckless as to leave our EU, World War Three would surely result – a typical smear that is sadly all too common in this particular world of ours, and which Dave never actually said in any case.

What Friend Dave actually said was very different, friends! He merely pointed out that before Our Reformed EU was created, Europe suffered from two World Wars, in which millions of people died; and that if Britain were to be so foolish and reckless as to leave Our Reformed EU, this would almost certainly lead to another one.

How, friends, anyone can twist Our Dave’s words in such a way is beyond me! He never even used the term “World War Three”, friends! At this rate, his detractors will soon be claiming that he was predicting catastrophic economic consequences for the UK should we leave the EU! (Which, in any case, is perfectly true, friends.)

Strong Message Here

Friends, it is time for those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – to rally behind Friend Our Dave and ensure a Progressive Vote for Our Reformed EU on 23rd June!  To this end, in addition to assembling a new Band (details below), I have also amended the lyrics of our traditional end-of-Blog song to reflect this – I’m sure Jeremy won’t mind, as he is, I am quite sure, as enamoured with Our New Best Friend Dave as I am! [This is surely a wind-up, Lefty? – J.C.  Really, Jeremy!  I am being as serious as I always am. – L. Thank heavens for that! – J.C.]


Our Dave: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals, World War Three Sound Effects

Our Boy George: Rhythm Guitar, Coke, Banshee Screams

Our John (Old Major): Organ duet with Friend Edwina, Peas

Assorted Friends From This Our Totally UnElected Tory Government: Drums, Percussion, Sycophants

Readers: please sing along, friends! All together now:

So raise the EU Flag high, whilst supporting Our Dave all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a Remain vote by a landslide,
Though the Kippers and Far-Right Knockers flinch, and anti-EU traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Leave scum, and keep Our Dave in No. 10 for many more years! 



4 thoughts on “All Of Us On The Progressive Left Must Fight Together To Save Our Dave, Friends!

  1. Thanks Lefty – you are really opening my eyes to this whole “working with traitors” thing. Previously whenever I heard people make even the most mildly neoliberal comment I accused them of being thieving swivel-eyed fascists and ran away to the nearest safe space I could find.

    My question is: on 24th of June, when Britain has voted to remain by well over 100% of the vote, do we go back to calling for Dodgy Dave’s head?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Friend IHate (if you’ll permit the informality)! So good to hear from you again, friend!

      And you have posed an extremely thought-provoking question, to which the answer is as follows, which I’ll spit out in my usual blunt, no-nonsense style, namely:

      “It all depends, friend.”

      We must be careful, friend, to ensure that, by toppling Soon-To-Be-Our-Ex-Friend Dave, we do not see him replaced by someone even worse, i.e. the widely-hated Boris, who might possibly be able to win the 2020 election by outrageously rigging it, e.g. by obtaining more votes than Jeremy.

      All food for the mill eh!

      BTW, friend, do we ever talk to one another in other places, e.g. on the Royal Mail (Everyone Writes The Comments) site? Your writing style seems quite familiar :). If so, please let me know next time we’re chatting there!


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