And I’m quite sure that all of you are as sad and downcast as I am on this utterly depressing day. For myself, I have done nothing but sob uncontrollably at the tidal wave of hatred, bigotry, racism and outright Fascism that has been unleashed in this Hate Campaign, which has been a totally sickening and disgraceful spectacle, and one which has had chilling echoes of 1930s National Socialist Germany, except that this was a lot worse, because although it was undoubtedly a National campaign, it was not in any way Socialist.
As I’m sure you all realise, this is easily the worst tragedy to befall Our EU since Hitler burned down the Reichstag, which as we all know would never have happened had Our EU been in existence then, because Our EU’s Health and Safety regulations – mocked and belittled by the Hard Right as they are – would have totally forbidden such a dangerous act from being carried out in the first place. (See EU REG 39572047290 Parts 2-9(a), An Outline Guide to the Rules Surrounding The Ignition of Public Buildings By Lunatics With the Name Of Hitler, Section IIIA, subsections (iii)-(ix) .)
Camoron must resign, friends!
Friends, this totally unnecessary and irrelevant so-called Referendum is all the fault of
Friend Dave Bullingdon Bully Boy Camoron! After all, had he not offered this totally unwanted so-called Referendum, and then compounded this grave error by winning the May 2015 General Election – which Labour would have won, had it not been for the vicious Exit Poll, plus Our Ed’s Far-Right Neoliberal policies, which drove millions of voters to vote for the Tories and UKIP in protest – we would never be in this disastrous situation, quite frankly!
Furthermore, friends, Camoron has completely mishandled the Referendum campaign, by his soft-pedalling of the positive case for Britain staying in Our EU – which is so obvious that we do not need to spell it out, which is why we never do – and also for deliberately understating the very real and terrifying dangers of this totally illegitimate Leave vote, i.e. total economic collapse, accelerating Climate Change, World War III and higher roaming charges all over the world, and indeed elsewhere.
We in the Labour Party therefore demand that Camoron resigns as Prime Minister, and stands down by October at the latest. If, by any slim chance, he has done this by the time you read this Blog, you can rest assured that it is because of the huge power and influence of the Progressive Left in general and … well, sheer modesty forbids me from mentioning this particular Blog, the influence of which is so immeasurable that nobody has ever bothered to measure it.
Strong Message Here
It is quite obvious, friends, that the British people have used this Referendum to send all of us on the Progressive Left a strong message, which can be summed up as follows:
The British people are quite frankly sick and tired of this totally unelected Tory Government, which instead of investing in Our EU – e.g. by increasing our annual contribution to the EU Budget from its current miserly, paltry and totally inadequate level – has callously imposed extreme Austerity on some of the poorest and most vulnerable people in society, i.e. Our Junior Doctors, who are constantly being taunted by Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boys, e.g. Priti Patel, sadistically quaffing champagne whilst burning £50 notes in front of them, while they are forced to work 95-hour weeks on Zero-Hour Contracts whilst struggling to pay ever-higher Bedroom Taxes.
Got it, friends!
And we’ve got the message, friends, loud and clear! We also know that many of you are deeply worried about the level of immigration in to this country. And we agree with you – it is of course far too low, and we shall, upon taking office, immediately take steps to increase it from the current pathetic and derisory level of a few hundreds of thousands per year, to several millions per year. That will prove that we are a Listening Government, friends!
I know that some of you are extremely worried that an ardent European like Jeremy might be utterly downcast by last night’s vote. But I have good news for you! Rather surprisingly, friends, Jeremy actually seems to be taking this terribly sad news remarkably well.
As the results came in last night, I couldn’t help observing that his smiles grew ever-broader, his laughs louder and heartier, and his general mood more and more sunny, even as the news for us passionate Europeans got steadily more depressing. What a tribute this is to Jeremy’s general stamina and ability to withstand the hard knocks of political life, friends!
Let us sing together, friends!
Now that the Tories are totally falling apart over Europe, and that we in the Labour Party remain totally united on this subject – representing all those British people who haven’t been taken in by the thoroughly nasty, xenophobic, racist, bigoted nature of the Far Right – let us just quietly, and with the great dignity for which Our Great Movement is justly renowned, sing, at the top of our voices, my sensitively updated version of the chorus of that musical and lyrical classic, The Red Flag. All together now, friends: