And, if the truly appalling result of the totally unnecessary, unwanted and above all undemocratic Referendum was not tragic enough, news is now reaching me that a tiny group of Far-Right infiltrators – e.g. most of the Shadow Cabinet and practically all of the Parliamentary Labour Party – is now conspiring to topple Our Jeremy from his rightful place, which is where he is right now, as Our Leader.
Rank treachery, friends!
Friends, this is rank treachery! Jeremy did not become Leader of the Labour Party with the overwhelming mass support of the British public – admittedly – but he did receive the full support of 250,000 odd people holding a very diverse set of
Far-Left Progressive views, e.g. Trotskyists, Communists, Anarchists, Stalinists, Leninists, Maoists, Greens, and Our Junior Doctors. Furthermore, I am reliably informed that he even received several thousand votes from Tories and Kippers, such was the depth of his popular appeal!
What is to be done now, friends?
The only answer, friends, is to accelerate the plans, as set out in my Blog a few weeks ago, to deselect the Far-Right Red Tory Traitors (full list here). That will provide us on the Progressive Left with the necessary Momentum [Groan! – J.C.] to forge ahead to bring about a New Progressive Britain, in a New Progressive Europe, which needless to say Labour will immediately re-apply to join, just as soon as we have won the next election. [Hang on, Lefty – we can’t just re-join the EU like that, can we? Surely we should abide by the result of the Referendum, however disappointed some of us are by it? – J.C. Really, Jeremy! Sometimes I almost begin to doubt your personal commitment to Our EU! – L. No comment! – J.C.]
Jeremy’s defiant anthem, friends!
And now, friends, a special treat for you all! Jeremy is going to sing for us all!
Jeremy: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals
Me: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals
Our John: Little Read Book! No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals
Diane: Organ, Piano, backing vocals
Seamus: Venezuelan-style Percussion.
Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends! All together now:
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never lead Labour
Without the Far-Right by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how they did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along.
And so they’re stabbing me in the back
From outer space
I just walked in to find them there resigning
With gloating looks on their faces
I should have changed that stupid Shadow Team
I should have made them hand in their briefs
If I had known for just one second
They’d keep on botherin’ me with their treachery.
Go on now go walk out the Shadow Cabinet
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome, you Far-Right gits
Weren’t you the ones who tried to hurt me
Did you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and resign?
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to fight Neoliberalism
I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my political life to live
I’ve got all my Socialism to give
And I’ll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)
It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken Party
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
I’m not that chained up little backbencher
Still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping Socialism
And just expect me to agree
And now I’m saving all my Socialism
For all the working people who love me.