What Do We Want, Friends? “A Second Referendum!” When Do We Want It, Friends? “As Soon As Our EU Will Allow It, That’s When!”

Hello, friends.

And I hope that you have all signed the petition now circulating, which demands a second Referendum on Our EU, thereby providing the British people an opportunity to correct the grave error they foolishly made last Thursday, when they rashly ignored the advice of leading politicians statespersons, e.g. Our Obama, along with that of respected, highly-expert experts whose amazing expertise in being experts is unrivalled in this world, and indeed elsewhere.

An amazing petition, friends!

The petition has already reached over 3 million signatures, friends!  And it’s heartening to see just how many friends all over the world – and indeed elsewhere – have signed it, often several times, such was their sheer enthusiasm!  For instance, 39,000 people hailing from Vatican City have appended their signatures to it – a truly amazing result from a city state of only 800 people, friends, and one which should give all of us on the Progressive Left huge encouragement.

Above all, this petition shows how entirely out-of-touch and unrepresentative those 17,410,742 Far-Right racist, bigoted, uneducated old Fascists, who had the effrontery to vote against Our EU, really are!  Contrast that miserable handful of Hate Votes with Our Petition’s 3 million signatures which represent Hope and not Hate!

Reservations, friends!

I must confess though, friends, that I have some reservations about some of the specific proposals in Our Petition. For instance, I have considerable concerns about the requirement for turnout to be at least 75% and the majority for Leave needing to be at least 60%.

Friends, those figures are far too low!  The hated Farage might well get round that, by some underhand means, e.g. encouraging Leavers to vote!  Instead, I propose a minimum turnout requirement of  at least 100% – and preferably a lot higher, so as to encourage the maximum possible degree of voter participation – and with the majority for Leave needing to be at least 90%.

Furthermore, friends, in last week’s Referendum people simply did not understand the complexities of the issue at stake!  For instance, the ballot paper was extremely confusing, providing as it did a “Leave” option as well as the proper option, i.e. the correct “Remain” option. In the next Referendum, friends, we should simplify this, to reflect the extreme complexity of the decision to be made, by retaining the “Remain” box only, so that people will not get confused as they obviously did last week.

Leave Campaign’s wild promises in tatters, friends!

And, friends, am I the only person to have noticed that the Leave campaign has already broken all of their promises, made during the Referendum campaign?

Have they cut immigration yet?  No, friends – they have not!  (Thank goodness, eh, friends!)

Are they now spending £350 million per week extra on Our NHS, as they solemnly promised to do?  No, friends – they are not!

Have they abolished VAT on tampons?  I think you know the answer to that, friends!

Have they, above all, worked out a trade agreement with every single country in the World – and indeed elsewhere – as they promised they would do, and without which, as we all know, all trade is utterly impossible?  A big fat No to that one, too, friends!

Economic catastrophe, friends!

Meanwhile, friends, Our Stockmarket is literally crashing through the floor – down to a level which, being less than 10% above its lowest point this year (in February), represents a quite unparalleled slump – while the British Pound is now practically worthless, being only about 20% higher against the Euro than it was 7 years ago when, as we all know, inflation literally went through the roof!

And then, friends, the Leavers have the effrontery to claim that all our prophecies of economic catastrophe were exaggerated!  Really, words fail me!  At this rate, they’ll start claiming that World War III hasn’t started yet!

Strong Message Here

Friends, it is absolutely clear that there is really no mandate whatsoever for Britain to be taken out of Our EU.  Our economic future, and World Peace, are far too important to jeopardise just because a handful of 17,410,742 bigoted people happened to mark a cross on a ballot paper last Thursday, on a racist whim!

Those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – now need to listen to working people, in order to hear all of their concerns and fears for the future. It is only by doing this, friends, that we can understand what they are thinking, and thereby put their minds at rest by explaining to them exactly how and why they are wrong.

And, friends, let us forget entirely about having another Referendum!  Issues on matters like whether Britain should be a self-governing nation are really far too important to be made in this way.  Let us, instead, let important issues like this be decided by our greatest Parliamentarians, whose intellectual calibre cannot be questioned, e.g. Friend Lammy. [Hang on, Lefty – isn’t he on your List of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors to be deselected?J.C.  Sssshhhhh, Jeremy! L.]

Let us sing together, friends, in celebration of Our EU!

Anyway, friends, let us conclude on our usual musical note!  And today it should surely be my rather wonderful Ode To EU, given that all of us on the Progressive Left now regard Our EU as the best thing since Our USSR.  All together now, friends:

So raise the EU Flag high, whilst supporting Our EU all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a *second Remain vote by a landslide,
Though Kippers and Far-Right Knockers flinch, and anti-EU traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Leave scum, and keep the EU Flag flying here! 
[*I thought you’d decided not to have a second Referendum, Lefty?J.C.  Oh Jeremy, don’t be such a pedant! I’d have to completely rewrite the second line, and that would ruin the whole sense of the piece.L.  Whatever.J.C.]




4 thoughts on “What Do We Want, Friends? “A Second Referendum!” When Do We Want It, Friends? “As Soon As Our EU Will Allow It, That’s When!”

  1. A fine post friend. I concur wholeheartedly with every single progressive word in it comrade.
    Please continue with your safeguarding of Our Jeremy, friend. I am ecstatic that he had managed to out think the traitorous, Far-Right Red Tory Traitors and assemble a substitute opposition cabinet right under their noses. His brilliance should now be clear for even the most Doubtful Thomas to see.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Speaking as a highly intelligent person with a degree in Media Studies, who has more in common with French docters, Danish architects, Russian astrologers and other such highly educated people from the EU than the lazy, beer-swilling, old white people from the council estates, I would just like to say how thoroughly frustrated I am that the democratic process has been hijacked by the majority.
    Further to your thoroughly brilliant suggestion for another referendum (which I intend to vote in next time) do you agree with me, Friend, that it should be open to all the educated people in the EU as it will have a profound effect on their ability to sign on and add to the prosperity of this country.


    1. Friend Taliesin! I agree with your splendid suggestion 100% – which, including postal votes, makes it at least 150%! But I would just take it a bit further, and think that any further Referendum should be open not just to all the educated people in the EU, but also to those in the rest of the world, and indeed elsewhere.

      Only in this way, friend, can we ensure a truly informed and democratic decision can be made on this critical decision for those of us on the Progressive Left.


  3. Friends, I have signed this petition and so have my four hundred and seventy-three sockpuppet accounts. We must never let democracy get in the way of Our Jeremy’s agenda!

    Liked by 1 person

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