And I expect that you are all as dismayed as I am that
Our Ed the Far-Right Miliband – who lost Labour last year’s General Election by his constant peddling of Hard-Right Racist Neoliberalism, causing millions of Labour voters to vote for UKIP and the Tories in protest – has now joined the tiny and totally unrepresentative majority of 172 Labour MPs who are demanding that Our Jeremy steps down.
For this act of unparalleled treachery, friends, I shall be adding a certain Miliband, E. to my List of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors as quickly as possible. [Hang on, Lefty – isn’t he already on the List? – J.C. Ah, yes, Jeremy, that’s a point. Well, that just goes to show that it was right to put him on the List, doesn’t it? – L. Can’t fault your logic there, Lefty! – J.C. Well, I’m nothing if not logical, Jeremy! – L. No comment! – J.C.]
Total defiance, friends!
Anyway, friends, I have just one thing to say to all the naysayers, traitors, Moaning Minnies, faint-hearts, trouble-makers, subversives and knockers who are predictably saying that Jeremy must go! And that “one thing”, friends, can be summed up in just one word of one syllable, which is:
Jeremy is going nowhere, friends, and he is going there as fast as he possibly can! So stick that in your sinking ship up the creek where the wind blows, and don’t come crying to me if the sun doesn’t shine in the long grassroots for a month of Sundays, because you’ve rung the curtains down on your particular Far-Right mess of pottage, and you’ve no-one to blame but yourselves if the lights go out and there’s nobody behind the bolted stable door, quite frankly!
As this Blog never tires of pointing out, friends, the Tories are absolutely terrified of Our Jeremy, which is why they keep on attacking him! And this is precisely why we must not lose faith in him now, when the sweet smell of total victory over Far-Right Neoliberal Fascism is so close to us, I can practically see it! Let us come together and, putting our shoulders to the wheel, with our backs to the wall, our best feet forward and our heads in the sand where the sun doesn’t shine, make one last heave towards the sunlit uplands!
Another defiant anthem from Jeremy, friends!
And to conclude today’s Blog, friends, another special performance from Jeremy and his Band. I think you’ll agree that this song is particularly appropriate at this difficult time!
Jeremy: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals
Me: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals
Our John: Little Read Book! No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals
Diane: Organ, Piano, backing vocals
Seamus: Venezuelan-style Percussion.
Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends! All together now:
You could never know what it’s like
The Labour Parliamentary Party isn’t at all nice
And there’s a cold lonely light of Neoliberalism that shines from you
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this Leader could never win
Well look at me, I’m coming back again
I got a taste of Socialism in a simple way
And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away
Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of the Labour Party without you on my mind
I’m still standing yeah yeah yeah
I’m still standing yeah yeah yeah
Once I never could hope to win
You started down the road to Fascism, leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our Party was just a circus you’d be a clown by now