EXCLUSIVE: A Special Guest Blog From A Very Special Guest – Written Specially For You All By Jeremy Himself, Friends!

Hello, friends!  And I bet you’re all excited as I am by the fact that Jeremy has kindly agreed to write a Blog for you all!  He was a bit grumpy about doing it – I literally had to nag him to death until he’d written it! –  and as you can see, his rather jaundiced attitude has spilled out in to some of what he’s written here, which quite frankly is not worthy of him. And, furthermore, he’s insisted that, as a condition of publication, I should not “tamper” with anything he’s written!  Still, that’s life, isn’t it!  Hope you enjoy it, friends – and, almost needless to say, please don’t believe everything he’s written about Yours Truly! –  L.

Jeremy Writes:

Well, hello, all you good people who read Lefty’s Blog. Must admit, I don’t generally look at it myself, as it’s frankly pretty risible stuff, and really, to be perfectly honest, it’s not my sort of thing at all.

But obviously, when Lefty asked me if I’d mind writing a piece for the Blog, I could hardly refuse, could I?  At any rate, anything I wrote here could hardly be worse than any of his pieces, for which the term “piss-poor” would be over-generous, if truth be told.

I do hope, friends – I assume you don’t mind me calling you “friends”, by the way? Lefty does go somewhat overboard on all this “over-familiarity” bit, doesn’t  he? – that you don’t believe everything that Lefty writes in this Blog!  Quite honestly, from what I’ve seen, he’s pretty fond of bigging himself up in some of his tales of the going-ons in my office. It’s not all fun and frolics, you know!  Quite the contrary.

We in the Labour Party have got quite a mountain to climb over the next few years, as I’m sure you all realise. It’s not all plain sailing by any means, especially with the unfortunate intervention of a certain Labour MP who has put his personal ambition and ego ahead of the needs of our Party.

Still, it’s certainly not all doom and gloom.  We have got the biggest Party membership of any UK Political Party, and it’s still rising fast.  And we’re developing some exciting policies which I firmly believe will enable us to garner many, many votes in the forthcoming General Election, whenever it is held.

While I’m here, I should just say that, with all due respect to Lefty, I do find him a somewhat over-excitable and unreliable member of staff.  He – let me be completely blunt here – is rather “up himself”, as I’m sure you’ve all noticed, and he has caused quite a lot of bad feeling in the Party with some of his childish antics. However, he is a young lad with a promising future in front of him, and hopefully when he’s a little older and wiser, he will be able to contribute rather more to the Party than he does at present.

Anyway, I think that’s all I have to say for now.  Thank you for reading this.  Hope to see many of you in September, at the Labour Party Conference.

Best wishes,

J.C.

P.S. I know that Lefty always likes to end his pieces with some “musical number” or some such nonsense, but really, I hope you’ll all forgive me if I don’t.  It’s all pretty childish and unnecessary, isn’t it?  Shouldn’t we just be a little bit more serious and grown-up than this?  I mean, it’s people’s lives we’re actually talking about here, isn’t it?  J.C.

Let Me Just Say This, Friends: Please, Friends, We’ve Got To Stop This Now, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I just want to echo Our John’s heartfelt and spontaneous plea, made on the Andrew Marr show yesterday, for a halt to all the vicious, nasty and violent behaviour that has recently been occurring within this Great Movement Of Ours.

As John says, this has all been perpetuated by a tiny minority of the Party.  And although he didn’t name any names, we all know exactly who is responsible, don’t we, friends?

Undemocratic, friends!

Yes, friends, as ever it is the Far-Right Red Tory Traitors, e.g. the tiny minority of 172 Labour MPs who attempted to oust Jeremy by a totally undemocratic Vote of Confidence in him earlier this month, even though, as regular readers of this Blog will be aware, he won an impressive 40-vote victory against them.

But did they accept that democratic verdict, friends?  I think we all know the answer to that particular question, friends!

And now, not content with that, they have now put up the Far-Right Neoliberal Owen Jones [For heaven’s sake, Lefty!  How many more times do I have to tell you?  It’s Smith, not Jones! – J.C.  Oh, sorry, Jeremy!  There are so many Far-Right Neoliberal Traitors around, sometimes it’s hard to remember which one’s which! – L.] against Jeremy, and despite all the warnings issued from leading figures in the Labour Party – e.g. me – the hated Jones [Sic! – J.C. Indeed, Jeremy, it’s totally Sic-kening!  Who says that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour, eh friends! – L.] still seems determined to play the part of a great big Hard-Right wrecking ball which, if unchecked, will smash open every Pandora’s Box within spitting distance of the silver lining that is lurking behind the thorn in the side of the elephant in the room, resulting in the spilling of much milk all over the kitchen sink, along with a great deal of wailing and gnashing of broken glass, and causing an unstoppable Momentum [Groan! – J.C.] that will not cease until the Socialist cows have come home and are kicking the daisies down the garden path in the long grassroots, quite frankly!

Strong Message Here, friends!

Friends, it is time for us to come together, set aside our differences, and, putting our shoulders to the wheel, with our backs to the walls, our best feet forward, and our heads in the sand, make one final heave towards Supreme Victory!

The Tories are totally rattled, and are utterly terrified of Jeremy, as can be seen by the fact that Prime Minister’s Question Time is not being held this week!  And why is this, friends?

Fear not, friends, I shall tell you!

Following her crushing, humiliating defeat at the Dispatch Box at last week’s PMQs, when Jeremy literally tore her to pieces, the widely-hated May has cancelled this week’s session!

Yes, the Tories are on the run, friends, and, like cornered foxes trying to find the sting in the tail of a pint-sized Trojan Horse in a burning haystack, they will soon find themselves on the wrong end of History!  But for this to happen, we on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me –  must all, like bears in the wood, stick together and not let ourselves be divided by petty dialectical differences!

A special musical treat, friends!

And finally, friends, the moment that I know you’ve all been waiting for!  Yes, it’s our musical finale!  And I’m very pleased to be able to announce that John has kindly agreed to tear himself away from the TV cameras, and indeed his Little Read Book, for a few moments, and sing for us!

Lineup:

John: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals

Jeremy: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals

Me: Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Diane: Organ, Piano, backing vocals

Seamus: Venezuelan-style Percussion.

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

 

And now Our Labour Party is very sacred
The working people put us together now
You ought to make it stick together
Come on, come on, let’s stick together
You know we made a vow not to leave Our EU never

But now you never miss your water till your well runs dry
Come on now friends give Our Party a try
Let’s stick together
Come on, come on, let’s stick together
You know we made a vow not to leave Our EU never

Well if you’re stuck for a while consider Our Party 
How can it be happy without its Socialist heart
Let’s stick together
Come on, come on, let’s stick together
You know we made a vow not to leave Our EU never

Well if you’re stuck for a while consider Our Party
How can it be happy without its Socialist heart
Let’s stick together
Come on, come on, let’s stick together
You know we made a vow not to leave Our EU never

 

Now That Friend Eagle Has Done The Right Thing, It Is Time For The Far-Right Neoliberal Red Tory Traitor, Owen So-Called Smith, To Call Off This Totally Unwanted, Divisive, Unnecessary, And Above All, Undemocratic Leadership Challenge, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that all of you are as happy as I am that the Far-Right Neoliberal Red Tory Traitor Eagle Friend Angela has now ducked out of challenging Jeremy very wisely decided to put the interests of the Party above all else – and the Party is bigger than any of us, friends, even me – by withdrawing from what would have been a totally destructive and pointless Leadership Contest, in which she would have been literally slaughtered, as part of the new, kinder and gentler politics.  And at the risk of sounding immodest, I suspect that her decision was not uninfluenced by a certain somewhat influential Blog, which warned her of the dire consequences of standing, which potentially could have been as fatal to this world, and indeed elsewhere, as that of Brexit.

But, friends – and there is seemingly always a “But” as far as the modern Labour Party is concerned – there is still a cloud on the horizon.  It is a cloud which at present is no bigger than a small Pandora’s Box, but if opened, it will release the seeds of the total destruction of those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – by unleashing all the brute force of a Hard-Right pig in a poke that has escaped from the bolted stable door and made a run for the Socialist hills, quite frankly!

Threat, friends!

What is this terrifying threat?  I can hear you all ask.  [You got voices in your head again, Lefty?  You should go and see a doctor! – J.C.  Jeremy, this is no time for irreverence! And in any case, you know as well as I do that this totally unelected Tory Government has totally destroyed Our Doctors, who are the envy of the World, and indeed elsewhere. – L.  Fair point, Lefty! – J.C.]  Or rather, who is the latest threat to all that we hold dear in this world, i.e. Our Jeremy?

Well, friends, I have to confess that, despite extensive research, my intelligence is limited [You said it, Lefty! – J.C.  Jeremy – behave!L.] as far as this particular threat is concerned.

When Jeremy and I were first alerted to this terrifying new threat, I must confess that we were rather puzzled when we heard, whilst munching the last remnants of our Couscous-with-Angel-Delight supper to the opening strains of BBC News At Ten, that “Owen Smith” was standing against him.

“Oi Lefty, what’s this about Owen Smith standing against us?  I thought he was one of us?  His articles in the Guardian always seem pretty supportive, and in any case, he’s a journalist, not a Labour MP. So surely, he can’t stand against us?”, Jeremy asked me, with a rather puzzled expression on his face.

Rank treachery, friends!

I have to confess, friends, that I was almost as alarmed as Jeremy by this latest piece of shocking news.  But, friends, it all turned out to be based on a dreadful misunderstanding!

Friends, Jeremy and I had inadvertently confused – and I am often confused, friends –  “Owen Smith”, who is apparently some obscure Far-Right Red Tory Labour MP that no-one – least of all leading figures in the Labour Party, e.g. Jeremy and me – had heard of, with Master Owen Jones, 19-year-old Progressive Left journalist on that Far-Right racist neoliberal rag, the so-called Guardian!

Anyway, friends, I can’t tell you how many hours Jeremy and I spent that night trying to find out more about the hated Far-Right Smith!  No-one – not even Seamus or Diane – had ever heard of him!

Breakthrough, friends!

Then, friends, at around about 4 in the morning, when all hope of establishing the identity of this “Smith” was almost extinguished – Jeremy grumbled that we couldn’t even find him in the Labour Party Membership lists, although admittedly it’s hard finding anyone there amongst the several hundred thousand odd people who have, hearteningly, joined in the last year –  I suddenly had a Eureka moment!

“Jeremy!”, I exclaimed, barely able to contain my excitement.  “Maybe this so-called Owen Smith is on my List!”

“What list are you talkin’ about, Lefty?”, mumbled Jeremy rather grumpily – I couldn’t help but observe that this long night of searching for the elusive Smith had taken its toll on both his mental and physical condition.

“Oh Jeremy!”, I retorted gaily – the scent of a breakthrough was now coursing through my nostrils, like the last straw that has finally broken the back of the Trojan Horse – “surely you haven’t forgotten?  My List of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors To Be Deselected!”

Smith on the List, friends!

And, sure enough, when we looked at the List, there in black and white was the hated Owen Smith, with all of his Far-Right Red Tory treacherous colours on full display!

Strangely enough, Jeremy didn’t seem quite as excited about this news as me, friends!  But I’m sure you know as well as I do that any Far-Right Red Tory Traitor who is on my List cannot possibly avoid the fate – which is bound to happen later or later – of being totally crushed by the mass power of working people, i.e. me, friends!

A terrifying warning from this Blog to Mr Owen so-called Smith, friends!

So, Mr Owen so-called Smith!  Do your worst!  Just remember – you are opposed by all the Progressive forces in this World, and indeed elsewhere, i.e. this Blog! Remember, too, that we on the Progressive Left have long memories, and we will not forget you, Mr. Owen so-called Jones!  [It’s Smith, Lefty! – J.C.  OK, OK, Jeremy – no need to be such a smartarse!  Smith, Jones, whatever.L.

Let us sing together, friends!

And now, friends – welcome to all our newcomers, by the way!  We’re a friendly little community here, as you can see! – it’s time for our traditional sing-song, which today is dedicated to Jeremy’s forthcoming massive victory, in which the Far-Right Neoliberal Jones [For the last time, it’s Smith, Lefty, dammit! – J.C.  Friend, friend, friend!  What’s in a name?L.] will be totally defeated by 600,000 odd members of the Labour Party in a democratic vote in September!  All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!  

 

SupportOurLefty Is Now On The Far-Right Murdoch-Controlled Neoliberal Twitter, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I am very pleased and proud to announce that the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – has got a new voice on the hated Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Neoliberal Our Twitter, i.e. me!

We must fight the undemocratic Far-Right Neoliberal Fascists, friends!

It really is crucial, friends, that every possible means of communication is used by those of us on the Progressive Left to reach the mass of working people – e.g. students and the unemployed – now that this totally unelected Tory Government is attempting to override the democratic will of the majority of the British people – i.e. the anti-racist, anti-Fascist 48% – in our clearly-expressed desire for Britain to Remain in Our EU, as demonstrated by our overwhelming victory in last month’s totally undemocratic and rigged so-called Referendum.

Whether they realise it or not, that tiny handful of 17,410,742 Hard-Right racists, who misguidedly voted against Our EU last month, are either members of the 1%, or are their running-dogs.  And in either case, friends, they speak for absolutely nobody but themselves.

Let us sing together, friends!

And now, friends, we come to what I know is the favourite part of this Blog for most of us, e.g. me! [Oi Lefty!  You haven’t even mentioned me today – what’s goin’ on? – J.C.  Jeremy, you are not “goin’ on” for much longer!  (Rather a witty riposte, eh, friends!   And to think that people claim that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour!)L.]

Yes – it’s time to sing our little anthem!  All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Lefty all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win many consecutive Election landslides,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

 

Let Me Make One Thing Absolutely Clear, Friends: I Am Definitely Not A Candidate For The Labour Leadership!

Hello, friends.

And I am extremely disturbed – which I’m sure comes as no surprise to any of you by now, friends – to hear that certain scurrilous rumours are being peddled by the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Monopoly Media, e.g. this Blog [Some mistake surely, Lefty?J.C.] to the effect that I – increasingly disillusioned by Jeremy’s increasing drift towards Hard-Right Neoliberal Fascism, e.g. his lack of enthusiasm for Our EU – am planning to make a bid for the Labour Leadership.

Nonsense, friends!

Nothing could be further from the truth, friends!  As I said only the other month, Jeremy is going nowhere, and I shall follow him every step of the way there.

Friends, let me make this absolutely clear – so clear, in fact, that it can be summed up in just one word of just one syllable in one sentence of one paragraph, spelled out in black and white:

Friends, I do not want to be Leader of the Labour Party!  I never have, and I never will!  It is absolutely literally the last thing on my mind!  Apart from anything else, I do not have the ability to totally compromise and sell out my true Socialist principles, in exchange for a Far-Right mess of pottage!  Nor do I possess the rather sordid lust for sheer unbridled power that so many aspiring leaders (no names, no packhorses, friends!) have!  

In addition, I am very concerned that, should I become Leader, so great would be my popularity and success as a result of my natural charm, charisma, good looks, extreme modesty and impeccable Progressive Left policies, e.g. my unwavering support for Our EU, I would be an impossible act to follow when – as happens to all Party Leaders, even one as overwhelmingly loved as I would undoubtedly be – in 2045 or thereabouts, following the Labour Party’s 6th consecutive landslide election victory under my Leadership, I decided of my own volition to step down in order to spend more time with my ego family.

Never say never, friends!

But, friends [There’s always a “But” with you, isn’t there, Lefty, you treacherous snake, you!  – J.C.  Oh Jeremy!  Don’t be so paranoid!  And please stop but-ing in!  (Who says that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour, eh!)L.], of course, should Jeremy decide of his own volition at some distant point in the future, e.g. next week, to be forced out step down, and if all my many friends on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – begged me to stand, I might be prepared to consider it, despite all my reservations. [I always said you were after my job, Lefty.J.C.  Friend, friend, friend!  I am not “after your job”, Jeremy!  This is not something I want, not at all. – L. Pull the other one, Lefty, it’s got a bell that’s tolling for you on it. – J.C.]

Principled Socialist policies, friends!

Friends, if – and it’s a big “if”, friends, for all the reasons I have given above – I were to take on the Labour Leadership, I make the following promises unto you all:
  • I will serve Our Great Party to the best of my abilities, which I think I can truthfully say are not inconsiderable.
  • I will unite This Great Movement Of Ours against all the Far-Right Racist Neoliberal Fascists who threaten this world, and indeed elsewhere, with their blinkered intolerance and bigoted views.  These people must be totally smashed, friends!
  • We will be an extremely tolerant Party under my Leadership, friends.  Anyone who disagrees with me will be shot. (Only joking, friends!)
  • Under my Leadership, everyone will be treated equally, especially Me.
  • We shall tackle the extreme Right-wing bias of the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Monopoly Media, e.g. the BBC, whose anti-Socialist bias is obvious to even the meanest intelligence, i.e. me.
  • We shall nationalise the means of production, distribution and exchange, without compensation, placing them under the full control of working people, e.g. students and the unemployed.
  • Most important of all, I will take Britain back in to Our EU, without a Referendum, nor indeed a vote in Parliament.  (We, the 48%, have already spoken, friends, and as the majority, we will prevail.)
  • Anything else not covered here will be sorted out as soon as I ascend to Supreme Power.

Let us sing in celebration of my Leadership of the Labour Party, friends!

And now, friends, let us all gather together, as we always do, to sing, on this particularly joyful day for me us all!  No backing band is available, as I have just sacked the entire Shadow Cabinet, and indeed, Parliamentary Labour Party, including, I’m sorry to say, Jeremy. [You fucking treacherous bastard, Lefty!  I always said you were an untrustworthy git.J.C.  Now, now, Jeremy!  Let’s be dignified about this. We need the best person for the job, and that just happens to be me. End of.L.] They’re all just a bunch of Far-Right Neoliberal Fascists, friends, and they simply had to go.

Please join with me, friends, in singing my latest version of that famous chorus of the Red Flag where, as regular readers will see, a couple of minor changes in wording lifts the whole tone of the piece.  All together now, friends:

 

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Lefty all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win many consecutive Election landslides,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

The Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Eagle Must Be Totally Crushed By The Mass Power Of Working People, e.g. Me, As Part Of The New, Kinder And Gentler Politics, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And despite the extreme subtlety of the headline, I have a feeling that most of you will be able to, as it were, read between the lines and shrewdly guess what – or, to be strictly accurate, who – this particular Blog post is about!  (After all, I know what an Eagle-eyed lot you are, friends!)

Friends, those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. me – have many, many enemies, and not just in this particular world.  And if the new, kinder and gentler politics that Jeremy and I have promised to usher in to this world – and indeed elsewhere – are to prevail, it is essential that we mobilise the mass power of working people, e.g me, to totally crush those who would stand in the way of those of us who wish to turn Britain in to a truly Democratic Socialist State on the lines of that quite remarkably successful country, Venezuela.

Totally crazy neoliberalism, friends!

So, friends, who is this latest Far-Right Red Tory Traitor, this snake in the long grassroots, this worm that has finally turned down the garden path, this pestilential pest that is undermining the body politic, which is now corroding the very foundations of all we hold dear, i.e. Jeremy?

Fear not, friends: I shall tell you!

Step forward, Ms Angela so-called Eagle, who not content with stabbing Jeremy in the back last month by resigning her position as Shadow Deputy Under-Secretary Of State For Assorted Stationery Items With Special Responsibility For Paper-Clips, is now spitting in his face by – quite unnecessarily and provocatively, as well as totally undemocratically – standing against him as Leader of This Great Movement Of Ours!

Rank treachery, friends!

Friends, this is rank treachery!  Does Ms Eagle – who, by the way, is not and will never be “Our Angela”, unlike Our Jeremy! – not remember Jeremy’s recent 40-vote triumph in the Parliamentary Labour Party’s Confidence Vote in him, as reported exclusively in this Blog?   Or the fact that Jeremy is going nowhere, and all of us on the Progressive Left are determined to follow him every step of the way there?

And, friends, can Ms Eagle really be so shameless as to put herself forward so brazenly as Leader, when she has not even been selected from an all-women shortlist for this position?  Talk about sexist behaviour, friends!  And besides, it’s not even her turn to be Leader!  She should just go and join the Tories!

Friends, this is no time to ditch the captain, when we on the Progressive Left are all at sea! Let us instead steer the ship, with all hands on deck, in to calmer waters, from where we can go right up the creek without being totally holed below the waterline!

Strong Message To Friend Angela Here

And, Friend Angela – if I may appeal to you directly, with all the authority that this Blog naturally commands on the Progressive Left [Ha!J.C.] – please, friend, remember that Loyalty to the Party is the most important thing of all in politics, as well as being something that Jeremy has always been notorious for.

If, though, friend, you should choose to persist in this act of gross disloyalty to Jeremy – who, let it never be forgotten, was elected by 250,000 odd people only 10 months ago – I will have no choice but to place you on my List of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors For Deselection [Hang on, Lefty – isn’t she already on that list? – J.C.  If you’ll just let me finish my sentence, Jeremy, all will become clear!L.] for a second time. [OK, Lefty – but what difference would this actually make?J.C.  Oh Jeremy, you can be so dense sometimes!  It means she’ll be on the list twice! – L.  Oh, right, whatever. – J.C.]

And if, friend, you persist in this particular course of destructive action, enabling this totally unelected Tory Government to literally trample all over the bodies of working people, i.e. students and the unemployed, you will be responsible – and we on the Progressive Left will be totally irresponsible, as we always are – for this calamitous state of affairs.

Let us sing, friends!

And, after a rather “heavy” Blog – sorry about that, friends, but even we on the Progressive Left sometimes need to be serious! – let us now finish on what I know is the highlight of this Blog for many of you!  Let us sing together, in celebration of Jeremy’s forthcoming stunning victory over the forces of darkness, i.e. You-Know-Who, friends!  A clue: The Eagle Has Crash-Landed!  (Who says that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour?!)  All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the Eagle (geddit) Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!  

 

 

All Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Many Of Us, Friends, e.g. Me – Must Throw Our Not-Inconsiderable Weight Behind Our Theresa, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I daresay you may all be rather surprised, to put it mildly, to see this Blog – which, as you all know, is now the main voice of the Progressive Left in this world, and indeed elsewhere – throwing its full weight behind that Far-Right Neoliberal Fascist Mrs May as the next leader of the Nasty Party!

Surprising, friends!

Why, I can hear you ask, would this Blog –  fully imbued as it is with the values of anti-racism, anti-Neoliberalism, anti-Fascism and all the other “anti-isms” of the Progressive Left – support that Hard-Right old hag Theresa May?

Surely, I can hear you cry – and we on the Progressive Left have been crying a lot recently – this Blog should turn its face away from the totally irrelevant power struggles going on in the Nasty Party, and instead concentrate all of its energy in to supporting Our Jeremy to the hilt?

Fundamental alteration of the hegemonistic neoliberal paradigm, friends!

Friends, if you’ll allow me – and indeed even if you won’t!  This is my Blog, after all! – I shall explain my reasoning a little further.

At first glance, the Far-Right Racist Neoliberal Fascist Mrs May may [Groan!J.C.] appear to be a Far-Right Racist Neoliberal Fascist, as are all members of the Nasty Party, as she so correctly labelled it all those years ago.

But, friends, that might be a somewhat unfair assessment of Mrs May – and, as you all know, I am nothing if not fair [You said it, Lefty!J.C.  Jeremy!  I’m getting more than a little weary of your somewhat irreverent interjections. You do seem to be somewhat demob-happy these days.L. No comment!J.C.], and to paraphrase J.M. Keynes:

When there is a fundamental alteration within the hegemonistic neoliberal paradigm, I am prepared to conduct a series of wide-ranging reviews in order to determine if the Party line should be in any way amended to accommodate this fundamental shift. What do you do, Friends?  [Nothing whatsoever.J.C.  Well, Jeremy, that explains a lot! – L.  No comment!J.C.  Jeremy, you seem to be saying “No comment!” an awful lot these days!  Why is that?  – L. No comment!J.C.]

And what is this “fundamental shift”, friends?  Well, the Hard-Right Guido Fawkes website has got hold of an article that the Far-Right Daily Telegraph published about Mrs May, but then withdrew.  And, friends, practically everything in this article tells me that Friend May is someone that we on the Progressive Left should support.

Just a few of the reasons why we should support Friend Theresa, friends!

The article – which was obviously censored by the Neoliberal Telegraph at the behest of its owners, the evil twins who also own Barclays Bank, because it was worried that her Progressive Left policies would be too popular – tells us some interesting things about Our Theresa, and her many achievements as Home Secretary over the past 6 years, which include the following:

  • immigration has been completely uncontrolled continuing at a healthy level, which only racists and Fascists could possibly complain about;
  • the number of people refused entry to the UK has dropped by 50 per cent, the backlog of finding failed asylum seekers has gone up and the number of illegal immigrants deported has gone down;
  • the eBorders IT system has collapsed at a cost of almost a billion pounds;
  • Friend Theresa’s welcome emphasis on the need for the police to concentrate on tackling really serious crimes – e.g. Hate Tweets (e.g. “I really hate the EU – let’s withdraw ASAP! #Leave”) rather than trivial misdemeanours, e.g. burglary, rape, murder etc., which in any case are nothing more than the inevitable result of vulnerable people justly protesting at this totally unjust society, which Thatcher claimed didn’t exist, and then destroyed.

And these are just a few of her many achievements and qualities, friends!  The article lists many more of them.  Really, as I look at this truly impressive list, I begin to think that, if she becomes Prime Minister, there’ll be hardly any need for a Labour Party at all!  No – only joking, friends! [You’d better be, Lefty, or you’ll be out on your ear.J.C.  Oh, Jeremy! Do you always have to take things so seriously?L.  Yes.J.C.]

Our Theresa supports Our EU, friends!

Most important of all – and something which the article doesn’t even mention – Our Theresa was, and doubtless still is, a supporter of the Remain campaign, which gives those of us on the losing side who represent Hope against Hate encouragement that Britain will not take the fatal step of following the racist whims of that tiny band of 17,410,742 bigoted people who viciously voted against Our EU. [Steady on, Lefty – there were surely quite a few Socialists who voted to Leave, weren’t there? – J.C.  Really, Jeremy!  You sometimes almost give me the impression that you were amongst that particular group! – L. No comment! – J.C.]

Strong Message Here

Friends, let us all sing together in support of Our Theresa’s imminent ascension to supreme political power!  And what could be a better way of expressing our support than by my newly-amended version of my already-amended version of the chorus of that lyrical and musical masterpiece, The Red Flag?

Lineup:

Friend Eric (Pickles), as a heavyweight supporter of Friend Theresa, has kindly agreed to play the organ – thanks, Eric!  All together now, friends:

So raise the EU standard high, whilst supporting Our Theresa all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win an Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% rejoice, and Far-Right Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil 52% of the electorate scum, and keep the EU Flag flying here!