Hello, friends.
And I expect you are all as happy as I am on this literally glorious Friday morning about Jeremy’s literally stunning performance on the Hard-Right BBC’s Question Time last night, in which he literally destroyed the totally-unknown, widely-hated Far-Right Red Tory Traitor, Owen so-called Jones, who is held in such utter contempt by working people – e.g. students and the unemployed – that many of them, so I am told, can’t even remember his name correctly! Truly pathetic, eh friends!
Confession Time [Groan! – J.C.], friends!
I have to confess, friends, that I did not actually see the broadcast, as I was at that particular time busily engaged in writing this Blog, so that it could be transmitted in the speediest possible way to you, my Readers! But I have absolutely no doubt that Jeremy’s usual debating style and rapier wit were at his usual standards; and I agreed with at least 100% of everything he said, whatever it was.
Work, friends!
Not everyone, friends, realises quite how much work goes in to producing this Blog, which of course uses the most up-to-date technology available, in line with Jeremy’s exciting announcement recently re Digital Democracy.
Instead of the old-style quill pens and parchment that some Bloggers – no doubt of a Hard-Right, reactionary tendency – still quaintly insist upon using, my Blog, by stark contrast, employs fully modern digital techniques, as follows:
First, friends, my fingers – digits – tap diligently away at a new, high-tech device – known colloquially, or so I have been informed, as a “typewriter” – which miraculously manages to transform my fingers’ “clicks” in to letters on specially-designed sheets of a new, high-tech material, produced – literally as if by magic – from trees, and known – sorry for all the technical jargon here, friends! – as “paper”.
And then, friends, my hard-working Team miraculously transforms these “typed” words, via all kinds of technical gizmos, in to what you are reading right now! It’s all pretty complicated stuff, friends, and I won’t befuddle you with any more technical detail today! But you can see that I, and my 68-strong Team (sadly depleted in numbers, as I’m sure you can tell, by Far-Right Tory Austerity and Hard-Right Brexit), are literally at the cutting-edge of the White-Hot Heat of the Technological Revolution, friends!
Strong Message Here
Anyway, friends, I’m literally about to go on a Mass Protest Against Hard-Right Brexitity, attended by a huge swathe of the Progressive Left, i.e. me, so will finish here! [Phew! – J.C.] But before I start getting undressed, what say you all re a little sing-song together? And, no Jeremy, don’t think you can slink away, because you are going to – literally – be the leading performer in this special number which I’ve written for the Blog!
Lineup:
Jeremy: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals
Me: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals
Our John: Little Read Book! No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals
Diane: Organ, Piano, backing vocals
Seamus: Venezuelan-style Percussion.
Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends! All together now:
Didn’t get to bed last night
On the way I couldn’t find a single seat
Man I had a dreadful time
I’m back in the Labour Party
You don’t know how lucky you are boy
Back in the Labour Party. (Yeah)
Gee it’s good to be mass debating with Owen Jones
Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case
Lefty deselect the Far-Right phoneys.
I’m back in the Labour Party
You don’t know how lucky you are boy
Back in the Labour
Back in the Labour
Back in the Labour Party
They leave ol’ Seamus behind
And KFC girls make me sing and shout
That D-D-D-D-Diane’s always on my mind
Ho yeah!
Ho yeah!
Ho ho yeah!
Yeah yeah!
You don’t know how lucky you are guys
Back in the Labour Party
SupportOurLefty 
Will friend Len allow you to stay in his new 700k lads pad in South London friend lefty?
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URGENT. Please refrain from referring to me as “friend” over at Bishop Hill. My hard earned reputation there is now well and truely shot to smithereens and teeny tiny shards of ridicule.
Regards to Jeremy and all who sail in her.
I don’t expect a reply soon, since I recognise the time constraints you are under getting au fait with this new fangled high tech stuff.
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Whaddy’a know! This site really exists!
Take heart, Minty, your reputation will remain as rock-solid as mine!
For micky-taking, this guy really does go the extra mile, though.
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Take considerable care Rapturous Rattie, the slightest hint of any non ultra-leftishness here will get you branded as a Hard Right racist neoliberal (not a good place to be). As one of the posts from our host indicates you can be a favoured and feted one moment and literally one second later be irredeemably cast aside as a Tory.
Reminds me of our brothers and sisters in far Cathay.
Do you like singing? It’s mandatory.
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Brilliant as usual Leftie. Actually, brilliant+ this time! Hope you posted this on The Guardian….
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Thank you, Friend John – you are very kind :). I have indeed mentioned this piece in the Hard-Right Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/08/theresa-may-capable-dont-believe-it-troll-tweet-stunning-oversight-cruel-home-secretary#comment-82890940
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SaveOurLefty. Are you perhaps travelling under false colours, a ruse de guerre? With great anticipation I visited your Guardianista posting you so kindly gave a link for. What did I find? Well I can tell you I was shocked down to my “I love JC” red socks and rent my t-shirt with the same designation. The Guardianista posting was submitted under the nom-de-blog of Saveedmiliband. I know, I know – shock n’horror. Isn’t that hard right loser Ed Milliband on our deselection list? And only a few days ago that miserable loser, brandishing yet another bacon sarnie, came out for that unknown travesty of an MP Owen whatever-his-name-is.
This infamous conduct brands our host as an enemy of our beloved Jeremy unless he is under orders to infiltate the hard right and ferment confusion. Well I’m confused.
We need answers “comrade”, or an act of outstanding and outright (or outleft) contrition.
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Friend Singer! I have to tell you I am growing more than a little weary of your increasing racism and neoliberalism.
Friend, let me spell out clearly the situation re my alleged use of the Far-Right Miliband’s moniker, which needless to say you have taken totally out of context.
Until 9.59pm on 7th May 2015, Our Ed – as he was then known – was quite a promising Labour Leader. Yes, admittedly, he had certain disturbing Neoliberal tendencies, but those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friend, e.g. me – gave him the benefit of the doubt.
But at 10pm on that same date, something terrible happened. The Hard-Right psephologist John Curtice viciously published his Far-Right Exit Poll, showing that the Tories had “won” the totally rigged so-called General Election, which they only did by dint of the totally dishonest expedient of not counting those people who did not vote as Labour voters, which of course they were.
At this point, Friend Singer, the scales literally fell from the eyes of those on the Progressive Left! All of us suddenly realised that the Hard-Right Red Tory Traitor Miliband – as he then became, and will remain for the rest of his political life – had lost us the General Election!
Why? I can hear you ask [More voices in your head, Lefty? Let me recommend a doctor who can help! – J.C. Oh SHUT UP, Jeremy! – L.]. Well, Friend Singer, the answer is so simple, it can surely be understood by the meanest intelligence, e.g. me.
The widely-hated Miliband had, with his fervent Hard-Right racist neoliberalism, caused literally millions of Labour voters to switch to the Tories and UKIP in protest, thereby literally losing us the Election!
********************************
Unfortunately, friend, I am stuck with the Miliband moniker in the Far-Right Guardian, as I opened my account in November 2014 before these particular facts had been brought to my attention, and the Hard-Right Guardian will literally not allow me to change it.
I do hope, Friend Singer, that this explanation will literally satisfy you.
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What utter, unmitigated twaddle. Full of self-righteous blather. I contacted the Guardian, thinking perhaps that there was the teeniest chance that someone might be be impersonating your great personage. But no, that nice old lady on the helpline had never heard of you (and didn’t want to either – I think she’s a supporter of that Owen fellah). And anyway you paid in pesetas and haven’t kept up with your dues. She also says that, once you get used to this new fangled computer malarkey you can change your nom-de-blog “just like that!” (fez doffed, stupid grin and deep bow – Oh how we miss him).
So we, with great reluctance and suspicion, accept your submission of gross incompetence and urge you to change your moniker forthwith. (Still think you as as Jeremy’s 007 makes more sense, but I won’t put you in any more danger).
I notice from the length of your diatribe, nay response under extreme pressure, that you are getting a better handle on this keypad thingy. Have you had to let your trusted handmaiden of many years go? She was only on a zero-hours contract anyway wasn’t she?
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Friend Singer! I am literally speechless at your latest reply!
Friend, it is imperative that those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, e.g. you – learn to Singer-long from the same songsheet. (Not a bad little pun there, eh friend! Who says that those of us on the Progressive Let have no sense of humour?)
Friend, I am obliged to finish here as I’m literally going off to find a train floor to sit on. But fear not, I shall be back!
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You let slip your mask there, you pseudo-lefty. Only someone who went to a diamond-hard right public school would write “I shall be back” Everyone knows a denizen of the prog-left, where you profess to belong, after countless viewings of “The Terminator” would write “I’ll be back” or, in extremis “I will be back”.
I think you need to be examined by whatever Labour Committee we can get quorate to determine your bone fides. Failing to find those we’ll get the Daily Mail to send around their investigative hacks to do you over. The Sunday mob might be even better.
Fear, we’ll be back.
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Sorry, gross typo in second sentence. This should have read “Full of self leftious blather”.
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Still waiting Lefty.
Have been looking through the contents of this site and discovered somethings that are really interesting. Wherever I looked, not one person clicked “like” to any reply you wrote. Not even friend Jeremy could spare the time or effort to support you. This is odd because “he” commonly corrects you or groans as you write your supportive op-eds.
Also several so-called contributors have names very much like yours and similar writing styles. Just saying!
I have to ask – are you on meds and are you taking them regularly? Was there really a train journey, or did the men in white coats make a visit?
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Friend Singer, Jeremy has asked me not to make any more comments to you for the time being, as he tells me he has an important announcement to make concerning this Blog on Tuesday.
I do not know the details of what will be in this announcement, although he assures me that, as a result of it, this Blog will become – and I quote his words exactly – “even better, and even more relevant, as a Progressive Left force in today’s fast-changing world”.
I literally can’t wait to hear what he has to say! :).
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The breath is bated
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Trying again.
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I must say, that having not posted for a while, believing it seems wrongly that I couldn’t I appear to have missed some excellent stuff. I have long admired your steadfast work and your unwavering support for Jeremy even in the face of the likes of Smith and Jones (aliases surely).
I await with baited breath (ha ha) for the next thrilling instalments in a truly historic saga of one mans fight to ensure Jeremy finds his rightful place in history.
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