Now That The Hard-Right Neoliberal Red Tory Traitor, The Far-Right Owen Jones [Sic! – J.C.], Has Been Literally Smashed In A Democratic Leadership Election, It Is Time For All Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Many Of Us, Friends, e.g. Me – To Literally Come Together And Literally Smash This Totally Unelected Tory Government, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you are all as literally thrilled as I am by Jeremy’s literally amazing victory over the Hard-Right Red Tory Traitor, the widely-unknown, widely-hated Far-Right racist neoliberal Owen Jones, who was literally crushed by the sheer weight of votes against him, many of which were – so I am reliably informed – cast by Tories and Kippers, such was the depth of Jeremy’s popular appeal!

And to think there are still Hard-Right elements who argue that Jeremy isn’t an election-winner, friends!  Talk about deluded!

Three hundred thousand odd people voted for Jeremy this time round, and if that isn’t a mandate, friends, then I am not the the most influential Progressive Left Blogger in the world, and indeed elsewhere! [Ha!J.C.]

Complacency, friends!

But, friends, this is no time for complacency!  We may have won this particular war, but there are several Hard-Right Trojan horses waiting to literally pounce on us from behind the bolted stable door before the sun goes down!

We must now act decisively and speedily to deselect the tiny handful of 172 Hard-Right Red Tory Treacherous MPs who viciously failed to support Jeremy in the recent Vote Of Confidence in which, never let it be forgotten, he won with an impressive 40 votes, as reported exclusively in this Blog.

Once we have done this, friends, we can create a truly democratic Party, in which all kinds of Progressive Left elements – e.g. Trotskyists, Leninists, Stalinists, Maoists, Anarchists, Communists, Greens, EU Commissioners and Our Junior Doctors – can literally fight together, and win!

Smash, friends!

And then, friends, we must literally smash this totally unelected Tory Government, which is literally devastating this so-called country – which Thatcher destroyed – with its totally reckless policy of Far-Right Austerity, in which Government spending has been slashed from £692 billions in 2010 to only £760 billions in 2016 – that’s a full £68 billions difference, friends, whatever Hard-Right neoliberal elements, i.e. Liam Byrne, might claim.

Once this has been achieved, friends, and Jeremy and I have ascended to Supreme Political Power, all that will need to be done is for Britain to re-join Our EU [Hang on, Lefty – surely we can’t overturn a democratic vote just like that, however much we may regret the result? – J.C.  Really, Jeremy!  Sometimes I do wonder how deep your commitment is to Our EU! – L.   No comment!J.C.] and implement full Socialism, on the lines of that remarkably successful country, Our Venezuela.

Do I need to continue, friends?  [Please don’t, Lefty! – J.C.  OK, Jeremy – I don’t want you cutting me off in mid-sentence as you did in my last Blog!L.]  Very well, I shall draw to a close [Phew!J.C.].  But not before we’ve had our little sing-song together, which I know for many of you is the favourite bit of this Blog [Which isn’t saying a lot! – J.C.  Really, Jeremy! I get the distinct impression that today’s Victory has literally gone to your head!  – L.  No comment! – J.C.]

Let us sing together, friends!

So, friends, in celebration of Jeremy’s literally stunning victory today, I have re-assembled my Band , with Jeremy as ever literally taking the lead! [Groan! Do I really have to do this, Lefty? – J.C.  Yes, Jeremy – there are certain things that, as our Labour Leader, you just have to do, and singing for this Blog is one of them. – L. Oh, OK, but this really is the last time. – J.C.]  I think you’ll agree that the theme of the particular song I’ve chosen today is entirely appropriate, given the literally disgraceful and sickening behaviour of some of our so-called friends, friends!

Lineup:

Jeremy: Lead Guitar, Lead Vocals

Me: Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals

Our John: Little Read Book!  No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Diane: Organ, Piano, backing vocals

Seamus: Venezuelan-style Percussion.

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

All you comrades who are Socialists
And you really care, yeah, yeah
Then it’s all of you friends
Who better beware, yeah yeah
Somebody’s out to get the Labour Leadership
A few of the Shadow Cabinet they sure look shady
Blades are long, clenched tight in their fist
Aimin’ straight at your back
And I don’t think they’ll miss

All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
I keep gettin’ all these visits
From my friends, yeah, what they doin to me
They come to the House
Again and again and again and again, yeah
So are they there to see my Diane
I don’t even be home but they just keep on comin’
What can I do to get on the Left track
I wish they’d take some of these knives off my back

All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers
(Back stabbers)
Low down, dirty

Smiling faces
Smiling faces sometimes tell lies (back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
I don’t need low down
Dirty Far-Right bastards (back stabbers)

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16 thoughts on “Now That The Hard-Right Neoliberal Red Tory Traitor, The Far-Right Owen Jones [Sic! – J.C.], Has Been Literally Smashed In A Democratic Leadership Election, It Is Time For All Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Many Of Us, Friends, e.g. Me – To Literally Come Together And Literally Smash This Totally Unelected Tory Government, Friends!

  1. No doubt you have been totally deconstructed and are now Jeremy’s left, left, left, left hand man – in total charge of this blog. Is it a shadow cabinet position or are you only allowed out of said shadow cabinent when the moon is ascendant? Congrats anyhow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Friends…quite literally in the case of Leader SavedMiliband yourself.
    In my hand here, I clutch a Maos little red book…and I swear on the embalmed grotesque himself that I see myself as your McDonnell…your Hattersley…indeed your Yangsze Helmsman of the Destinies.
    All this on the basis of your greatness….as you see I am easily brainwashed, a bit of a slaverer and an oily nomark ideally equipped to get you as Leader of the Labour Party.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let us also not forget that climate change is a racist phenomenon, as helpfully pointed out to us by those valiant warriors Black Lives Matter UK (middle-class white division).

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Lefty, My spies inform me you acted with impeccable taste and decorum (only two sent to hospital with crushed tender parts) when forcing a escape path for our Jeremy at the fascist Christmas karaoke where he was subjected to torylike scumbag chants by ultraright Labour ingrates. They provocatively sang “like a Virgin” (when no one would relinquish their seat for the gray haired old codger and he tried to sit on the floor), “back to the USSR”, and as a final insult – Tony Blair’s favourite “Things can only get better”. Abusive carolling of the first order – just because Jeremy refused to karaok “I did it my way” (a much requested number).

    I would have worn earplugs, quaffed the booze and nibbles on offer, and passed the bill to John McDonnell.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Having brought my healing balmy oils to other threads, I donned the tweeds and flats, perched the half moons on mu nose and decided to be the archivist that I once dreamed of. But was discriminated against by the hated male patriarchy at Somerville College as well as the blokes at Spare Rib and Virago who prevented me from doing so.
    Gerry Healy and Corin Redgrave thankfully saw my assets, and I rose up the poles rather quickly to my giddy position now as Socialist Jobsworth Juanquerr at Lysenko Towers, Walworth Rd.
    This blog is an archivist treasure-can I stay here over the Fascist Christmas holidays, a mockery of the Red Square Parade we used to know and love? I will not squat, nor set fire to those rather combustible books over here in the corner.
    Maybe Father Christmas IS a socialist though-red, eco friendly and worldwide free gifts-but he`s not paid any subscription I know of….hmmmm….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Friend Alicia! You have my permission to – literally – stay here over the Hard-Right Xmas! Make yourself comfy, put a few more Blogs on the fire [Groan!J.C.] and enjoy the peace and serenity here. You have 60 odd Blogs [Some are very odd, Lefty!J.C.] to choose from, and as you can see, Jeremy frequently – literally – pops in here, so you will not be – literally – short of company.

      Like

      1. Most kind. Blogs on the fire?….we Lefties ARE quite the cards aren`t we?
        Revolutionary tracts to hand, and a Stravinsky atonal Requiem as I set up my portable shrine to Joan Maynard and berate Glenda Jackson for being a Rightist bimbo. I do it every year.

        Like

  5. I wish I lived closer to Lysenko Towers so I might experience your voluptuousness as implied by your words. It has been so long since I toasted with Typhoo Trosky but it really wouldn’t be the same without snowdrifts and salt dust everywhere. Oh they were the days!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Here`s hoping that you are able to sing under a suitably well-lit bridge with decorations, a warm Labrador and a full hip flask of Red Stripe-wanted to sat White Horse, but this would be racist and fail to mention our colour of choice.
    I sing David Bowies part one year, Bings the next-but this year,as a special tribute to Mr B ,I will sing BOTH parts. Keep on singing, do they know its Winterval?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. And possibly politically inappropriate seasonal solicitations to you also Alicia (the prolific). Your whalemusak &c preparations seem substantially complete with embellishments. You could drink your White Horse if you add a cranberry mixer.
    Winterval is too cold for me, I prefer the promise of global warming that is “string-vest” (cockney: spring fest).
    My warm Labrador is actually a Scottish Terrier and hardly keeps my hooves warm.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Experimental test #1A (Letfly’s invisible Tweets” system, application to posts)

    Letfly, fizz, snapple pop…..

    ……. So stick that where the socialist beacon of truth don’t shine.

    Liked by 1 person

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