Let Us Not Be Cast Down By The Latest Vicious Neoliberal So-Called Opinion Poll, Friends! Let Us, Instead, Stop Fighting Each Other, And Take The Fight To The Tories! That Way, Friends, The Next Election Will Result In – Literally – A Landslide! So – Let’s Literally Look On The Bright Side Of Life, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as disappointed as I was by the most recent opinion poll which viciously showed a 16-point lead for the widely-hated Tories.

Although this may seem like – literally – a hammer blow for those of us on the Progressive Left, who literally yearn for a kinder, gentler country – run, naturally, on the lines of that remarkably successful Socialist country, Our Venezuela – we must not literally despair!

Instead, we must take a long, hard look at ourselves, and decide where we may have possibly gone wrong.

Fortunately, friends, you do not need to bother to do this, because I have done it for you! And after a great deal of research, using figures which I have carefully made up from many reliable and respected sources, e.g. me, I have reached the following conclusions:

1. Labour is literally far too Right-wing, friends!

Labour is still far too Right-wing for the British people, friends!  We know that because, if we were offering a genuinely Socialist alternative to this totally unelected Tory Government, our poll ratings would improve to not far short of where they were under Our Ed’s magnificent leadership, with a correspondingly greater improvement in our electoral fortunes come the next General Election, whenever the cowardly Bullingdon Bully Boy May dares to call it!

2. Opinion polls are neoliberal tools, friends!

Opinion polls are, in any case, nothing more than neoliberal tools of the 1% and Banksters, and cannot be trusted, friends!  Only last year, for instance, it looked as though Our Ed was going to cruise to victory in the totally rigged General Election, right up until the Hard-Right Exit Poll was viciously published at 10pm on Election Night, at which point all of us on the Progressive Left realised that we had made a literally fatal mistake in picking the Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Miliband as Leader, as proved by the fact that millions of Labour voters, disgusted by his fervently Hard-Right neoliberalism, decided to vote for UKIP and the Tories in protest.

3. We must listen to working people, friends!

Most important of all, friends, those of us on the Progressive Left now need to listen extremely carefully to working people, in order to hear all of their concerns and fears for the future.

It is only by doing this, friends, that we can understand what they are thinking, and thereby put their minds at rest by explaining to them exactly how and why they are wrong.

Reasons to be literally cheerful, friends!

And let us be of good cheer, friends! As I was so wisely saying only very recently, i.e. in 2010, it is surely only a matter of time before people get totally sick of this evil, cruel, widely-hated, totally unelected Tory Government, with its vicious, ever-higher, Bedroom Taxes, its compulsory Foodbanks, and its literally nasty and sadistic attempts to impose Far-Right Austerity on some of the weakest and most vulnerable people in our so-called society – which Thatcher totally destroyed – e.g. Our President Juncker, who would be a far, far better leader of this country than the totally unelected Bullingdon Bully Boy May, who is easily the worst Prime Minister this country has had since the totally unelected Camoron.

Revolting, friends!

No wonder, friends, that those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are still quite a few of us, friends, even if our ranks have been slightly depleted recently with the tragic passing of Our Fidel – are literally revolting!

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally [Phew! – J.C.], friends, what do you say about our usual little sing-song together? [No way, José! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be such a literally damp squib! I know you enjoy it really! And who is José? Is he another Far-Right Red Tory Traitor? – L. No comment! – J.C.] After all, things could – literally – be worse!  And, in any case, we must look on the – literally – bright side of life! And to celebrate this, I have reassembled my Band to sing my specially-written new song, which hopefully will literally boost everyone’s spirits.

Lineup:

Me:  Acoustic Guitar, Lead Vocals

Jeremy: Electric Guitar, Backing Vocals

John: Little Read Book!  No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Diane: Organ, backing vocals

Seamus: Drums and Venezuelan-style Percussion

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

Cheer up, Jeremy. You know what they say.
Some things in Labour are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re reshuffling the Shadow Cabinet,
Don’t grumble, give ’em a hammering!
And this’ll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life
If Labour seems jolly rotten,
There’s something you’ve forgotten!
And that’s to march, shout, revolt and protest,
When you’re down in the polls,
Don’t be silly with the Brexit proles,
Just smash the Far-Right Red Tory Traitors – that’s best!
And always look on the bright side of life
Come on!
Always look on the bright side of life
For the Hard Right is quite absurd,
And deselection’s the final word.
You must always face the members with a bow!
Forget about your sin with Diane – give the Party a grin,
Enjoy it, it’s the last chance anyhow!
So always look on the bright side of political death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
The Far-Right Labour’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life’s a laugh and Labour’s a joke, it’s true,
You’ll see it’s all a show,
Keep ’em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is – literally – on you!
And always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Come on comrades, cheer up

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Worse things happen with the Tories you know

Always look on the bright side of life

I mean, what have you got to lose?
you know, Labour came from nowhere
And it’s going back to nowhere!
what have you lost? Literally nothing!

Always look on the bright side of life

 

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20 thoughts on “Let Us Not Be Cast Down By The Latest Vicious Neoliberal So-Called Opinion Poll, Friends! Let Us, Instead, Stop Fighting Each Other, And Take The Fight To The Tories! That Way, Friends, The Next Election Will Result In – Literally – A Landslide! So – Let’s Literally Look On The Bright Side Of Life, Friends!

  1. I am literally in tears dear friend & as you can expect literally 100% fully endorsed- no one reads the comments anyway. Although one observation (not article related *phew*), it seems that in order for me to comment WordPress (Globalist demagogues) demands that *gulps* & I quote ‘Leave a comment’, such hard right-neo liberal- fascist-literally Hitler-Mussolini Brexit subliminal messaging friend is just too much for my millennial snowflake tendencies and shirley ought not be tolerated friend. Currently residing in my safe space with the vapors.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Here in the Catholic Palace of Religious Righteousness, we urge all “People of the Book”( Little Red, Mao) to literally support Mr Sport R Leftee.
    I for one was quite literally in tears, as he manfully looked down on us from the top of the Air France steps, before we whisked him through the Teheran streets and into Gillingham High Street
    Has our Leader not returned in triumph from Gay Cuba and the hated Marcos Regime that ruled with a rod of frightfulness?
    Did he not kiss the very soil of Caracas Aeroporto once he had been led from the biplane Aerodromeo Millennioleumo ,, as led by the airport donkey, whose name signifies the capitalist obsession with butter?
    When a young prattling prelate-and not His Bishness of now-old Crilly and I did indeed have a Cuban priest(Fr Hernandez) stay at the Presbytery…so it`s a delight (an` all, an` all!)to urge all my parishioners to get behind our Returning Exile.
    Vive Le Revolution-all hail Joshua Nkomo and the Peoples Tribune of Leadero Maximo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pardon me for asking, your prelateness, but how many irelands are there? I only know of two, one in the northern verdant realm and the other one. Shouldn’t your entitlement be “primateofboththeirelands” or there others left hanging around, or perhaps transposed to foreign lands like Massachusetts? Please instruct me so that might avoid giggling when reading your posts – I’m sure you don’t want me doing that.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Just returned from a none too successful tour of tarmac kissings around assorted private airports in the Winchester region.
        Pushed some dole wallah out of his disability scooter, took his extra fat Coke and chips out of the hanging basket on the front and pretended it was a Popemobile at the station concourse. But no salutations whatsoever.
        In regard of your question-that would of course be an ecumenical matter, but I can say that I`m including the Isle of Wight, Man, Skye and others….yes, the spelling makes me out to be a bit-well Irish maybe-but Colm Toibin can`t even spell his own name and gets to make books out of his dizlecsix does he nonnny no?
        May I in turn ask a similar question-how many bridges do you sing under?
        I myself have sang under the Liffey, the Tyne, the Weird and the Tease?
        Even under the Jeff, the Wayne and the Missus. But missed your red robin call to revolution.
        Ah well-as long as it`s not a paean to bloody Bolshy Bruce and his “Brothers Under the Bridge” moanalong…God Bless You My Bredwren!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Inspiring words and a song to lighten our heavy load of sorrow at the passing of Fidel.
    Here in our dumpster ( dustbin to you English ) my mate Ron gave us a fine rendering of your wise words.
    Eating our pathetic scraps after being ejected from the neo fascist food bank next door by vicious hard right new labour types – only until our Jeremy and Diane purge them- we passed an immediate resolution to rise up out of our dumpster and sally forth armed literally only with our virtue and sweep the capitalist running dogs of the hard hard right May junta into oblivion.
    O to be alive at such a time. Literally.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Eh Lefty. I’m literally stumbling to keep up with the latest shifts of who’s in and who’s out. The different shifts are dizzying and I have no sick bag. In your latest opus you write “Our Ed’s magnificent leadership,”, yet only a short while ago you were calling him far right and responsible for our letting the hated Tories (unblessed be their name) falsely claim they won the election. You even came under fire, from yours truly, for keeping your Milliband affiliation on that far right rag – the Guardian web.
    Could we have a roll call of those favoured by the to-be-chosen one – our Jeremy and his Momentum hoards? Usually I check to see who is currently in favour by looking at the sing song cast list, but that seems not to be accurate. Some seem to be absenting themselves – why might that be?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Gee I have just recovered from a fainting episode brought on by extreme nausea, itself brought about by reading further on in your opus. I am now totally goomfolluxed. Is Milliband in or out? How can a former “Great Leader” go from praise to damnation between paragraphs? What happened – you forgot yourself (do clean yourself up!) or did a political tsunami strike out of the blue?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Friend Singer! You have not, it seems, been reading carefully enough. “Our Ed” transmogrifies in to “the Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Miliband” within the same sentence – I certainly cannot be accused of taking as long as a new paragraph …

      Like

  6. Thanks for the warning SOLman, I shall be ready next time with my wits somewhere around. Are there other other lefty lights that transmogrify so rapidly? Bet your parliamentary meetings are like musical chair marathons with you and JC (with matching bicycle clips) taking away constituency seats.

    Are you going to make one of those seats available for the former Balls-up, now reincarnated by the application of Strictly pixie dust and spray tan into a viable candidate?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Friend Singer! The Hard-Right Balls is a vicious neoliberal who was nothing more than a lickspittle running dog of the hated Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Brown, aka Our Gordon, who literally abolished Boom and Bust – or would have, had the Banksters not predictably ruined everything by their recklessness, which no-one could have possibly predicted, least of all Our Gordon, who after all was only in charge of the British economy at the time, and who then went on to save the World, and indeed elsewhere, with his extreme Prudence.

      Like

  7. Let me tell you buster, Gordon Brown (“The Magnificent”) is happily married to Sarah Macaulay (The Fey) and would never consort with no Prudence. Go wash yer filthy mouth out yer ##^**¡~&** !!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LOL, I’m sure your third point ‘We must listen to the working people, friends!’ has to be a basic tenet of the ‘Little Read Book’. Sadly, I’ll never know as I followed the advice in the title.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Lefty, you wrote “The Little Read Book”? Well I never would have guessed.
    What were all those typewriting chimpanzees doing then – deselection paperwork, next election’s promises?
    Are you shortlisted for the Mann-Booker award? But I suppose you’re in a Catch 22 aren’t you? Win and you’ll be charged under the Trades Description Act, lose and even fewer people will even open its crimson covers.
    How many copies will need to be pulped and used in Party Conference milkshakes?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Friend Singer! I am sorry to say that, due to a Confidentiality Agreement I have been forced to sign by this totally unelected Tory Government, I am literally not permitted to answer any of your – literally – penetrating questions.

      My lips are – literally – sealed.

      Like

  10. WELL THERE IT IS, SOLman ADMITS UNDER SEVERE INTELLECTUAL PRESSURE, THAT HE WORKS FOR THE UNELECTED TORY GOVERNMENT AND HAS SIGNED SECRET DEALS WITH THEM.
    What a traitor to the cause.
    BURN YOUR LITTLE READ BOOKS – they may contain nefarious subliminal Tory messages.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Is our beloved Leader soon to literally announce a modular Course for those of us who were once proud to be “Friends” of Our SOL.
    But now need Level 2 on the Bolshy Ballet Course to be entitled to be “Comrades” of the Dear Helmsman of Destiny!
    Maybe Davos late January?…the Billabong Group, Premier Inn by the ski lift?
    Can do the Sunday…just some old God crap I`ve got to spout in the morning-but can bless your Revolutionary Zealots from the ski lift before the Jaegerbombs laters!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your revship. Actually a response to your earlier inquiry. My bridges are many: all that is required is a constant passage of bully goats. Would offer my choral services at your ecumenical shindigs but but mythical norse beings don’t seem too popular around crosses.

      Like

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