It’s – Literally – A Cracker, Friends!

Friends! Once again, Friend Fenbeagle has caricatured the viciously Far-Right nature of the Bullingdon Bully Boy May, who is undemocratically attempting to push through Hard-Right Brexit against the clearly-expressed wishes of the overwhelming majority of Our Judges, who are simply attempting to put Our EU first!

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I commend Friend Fenbeagle for his – literally – thought-provoking cartoon.

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And while I’m here: May [Groan!J.C. Jeremy, I wasn’t even trying to make a pun there!L.] I take this opportunity to wish all my reader [Sic!J.C. Indeed Jeremy, it’s pretty SICkening that you appear to be the only reader here! Even those die-hards Friend Singer and Friend Archbishop aren’t here!L.] a Very Happy Winterval, and a Progressive Left New Year? [No!J.C. Oh Jeremy, you are such an old curmudgeon!L.] Well, despite Jeremy, I do anyway, so – literally – there!

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Lefty’s Sunday Selection of Best Tweets [You’re Havin’ A Laugh, Lefty! – J.C. Indeed I’m Not, Jeremy! My Progressive Left Tweets Are – Literally – No Laughing Matter! – L. No Comment! – J.C.], 11th-18th December. And My Best Wishes For The Winterval Season To – Literally – All My Reader [Sic! – J.C.]

Hello, friends.

And first of all, I would like to wish all of you [Yeah – that’s just me, Lefty! Nobody else can be bothered to read your rubbish! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! That’s quite untrue! Friend Singer reads it just to count the “literally’s”, and then there’s Friend Archbishop, and Friend Catweazle, Friend Dave S., Friend State, Friend IHate and one or two others, besides! Readership of this Blog is now almost in to double figures! – L.] a very Happy Winterval Season!

Alas, due to ongoing Hard-Right Tory Austerity, I – literally – can not do this.

A warm greeting, friends!

So instead, I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, friends!

But obviously I can’t do that either, because that would be Hate Speech.

So I shall just express my hope that you can all somehow find a way to cope with the next two weeks of viciously Hard-Right materialistic neoliberalism and Far-Right so-called Christianity which is literally nothing more than the worship of a totally false God who – literally – doesn’t exist, unlike Hard-Right Climate Change, which is literally destroying this Earth – and there is only one Earth, friends, apart from all the others – and indeed elsewhere, e.g. my native Mars.

Christmas Quiz, friends!

I shall – literally – be back in the New Year, with another roundup of Tweets, plus the answers to my Christmas Quiz [What Christmas Quiz is this, Lefty? I haven’t seen this! – J.C. Oh, Jeremy! You can be so dense at times! I mean the Christmas Quiz that I’ll be publishing next Christmas, 2017. – L. Oh right, whatever. J.C.]

Until then, friends, stay strong, and remember, as you greedily tuck in to your Hard-Right so-called Christmas Lunch, that literally millions of children are literally starving to death literally every day in Far-Right Foodbanks in this so-called country – which Thatcher totally destroyed –  and that we must campaign vigorously for them to get the vote, so they can then help us to unelect this – literally – totally unelected Tory Government.

So, friends, without more ado, here are last week’s Tweets:

Sunday 11th December

Monday 12th December

Tuesday 13th December

Wednesday 14th December

Thursday 15th December

Friday 16th December

Saturday 17th December

Sunday 18th December

Let us sing together, friends!

OK, friends, for the final time [Phew!J.C.], at least in 2016 [Pity it’s not forever, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be so damn curmudgeonly! It’s Christmas, for – literally – Christ’s sake! Groan! – J.C.] let us sing together! As Diane and Emily have already gone off together for their Winterval Fortnight in Cuba, is there one of you who could play the organ for us? Friend Archbishop? Thanks! OK, friends, all together now:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a 2020 Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

The Hated Bullingdon Bully Boy May Literally Got Her Comeuppance At Yesterday’s EU Summit In Brussels, Didn’t She, Friends? No Wonder Those Of Us On The Progressive Left Are – Literally – Dying Of Laughter At Her Utter Humiliation, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as amused and heartened as I was by the sight of the hated Bullingdon Bully Boy May being – literally – humiliated yesterday by Our EU friends, who literally snubbed her!

This video should be compulsory viewing for every single one of the 17,410,742 Hard-Right racists and bigots who viciously voted against Our EU on June 23rd!

In addition to all the other disasters which have literally befallen this so-called country – which Thatcher totally destroyed – in the six months since that literally dark day, this one literally takes the biscuit! The Emergency Budget with its tax rises and spending cuts, the devastated economy, the plunging stockmarket, the literally worthless £, the enormous hike in roaming charges, even World War III … all these appalling consequences – correctly forecast even if not all of them have not yet come to pass (Brexit hasn’t actually happened yet, friends!) – literally pale by comparison with the fact that the hated May was totally shunned by Our EU friends yesterday!

Literally humiliated, friends!

Seeing the Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May utterly humiliated by Our EU friends was simultaneously hysterically funny for those of us on the Progressive Left – who are, of course, notorious for our great sense of humour – but also, of course, deeply, deeply tragic for Britain. This country has now become – literally – the laughing stock of the world, and indeed elsewhere!

Needless to say, certain Hard-Right elements are predictably claiming that Our EU friends were being “spiteful and petty”. Nonsense! They were simply behaving as any normal friends do, when their very reasonable orders have been totally disobeyed.

Simple, friends!

Fortunately, there is a very simple solution to this dreadful situation. The hated May should simply announce that the whole idea of Brexit was the most appalling mistake, and beg Our EU friends for forgiveness. A few token gestures, e.g. increasing our budget contribution by another £10 billion/year or so, should help to soothe the bad feelings; and of course, since as all objective and respected economics experts – i.e. me – have in any case recently produced figures showing that for every £1 we pay in, we get at least £1000 back in terms of economic growth, we would actually gain from this.

So, friends: let us just cancel Hard-Right Brexit, along with all the vicious LIES about spending £350 trillion/day more on Our NHS – another Leave Camp LIE! – and work together with Our EU friends to build A People’s Europe, where all Hard-Right populism will be totally smashed, and all decisions will be made by experts, whose impartiality and accuracy cannot be questioned – or, at least, not without serious consequences for those who question them.

Let us sing together, friends!

So, friends, let us now celebrate the hated May’s total humiliation by – literally – coming together and singing my joyful ode to Our EU! [Oi Lefty! You’ve not even mentioned me today – what’s goin’ on? – J.C.  Jeremy, you are not “goin’ on” for much longer! (Rather a witty riposte there, eh friends! And to think that Hard-Right elements claim that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour!) – L.]

OK, everyone!  Are you all ready? [No! – J.C. Oh Jeremy – you are such a tease! – L.] Diane … no, actually, Emily: you haven’t played the organ for – literally – ages!  Come on, woman – literally – pull your weight! Thanks! All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our EU all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a Supreme Court Judgement landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and anti-EU traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Brexiter scum, and keep Our EU Flag flying here!  

 

Lefty’s Sunday Selection Of Greatest Tweets [Pull The Other One, Lefty! – J.C. What “Other One”, Jeremy? I Do Hope You’re Not Being Literally Smutty, Especially As You Have Written This In My Blog’s Headline! – L. No Comment! – J.C.], 4th-11th December

Hello, friends.

And once again, a – literally – very warm welcome to you all, for this latest roundup of some of my best Tweets [How you can say that with a straight face, Lefty, I’ll never know! – J.C. But Jeremy, I don’t have a “straight face” – actually, there’s literally no such thing. – L. Oh, all right, whatever. – J.C.] from the past seven days.

And what a week it’s literally been, eh friends!  I still can’t – literally – get over the result of the Sleaford byelection which as all shrewd, objective and heavyweight commentators – i.e. me – have pointed out, represents the start of the Great Progressive Left Fightback! Managing to push the Lincolnshire Independent candidate in to fifth place in such a literally Hard-Right den of bigotry and racism was no small achievement! [More like a tiny achievement, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be so literally negative! – L.]

Anyway, friends, I know that you are all – literally – dying to read the Tweets, so without further ado, here they – literally – are:

Sunday 4th December

Monday 5th December

Tuesday 6th December

Wednesday 7th December

Thursday 8th December

Friday 9th December

Saturday 10th December

Sunday 11th December (literally today, friends, for those of you literally reading this today!)

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Let us sing together, friends!

And now, friends – welcome to all our newcomers, by the way!  We’re a friendly little community here, as you can see! – it’s time for our traditional end-of-Blog sing-song! Which today is dedicated to our forthcoming victory in Our Supreme Court, when Our Judges will finally – literally – strike down vicious Hard-Right Brexit, which literally nobody wants apart from a few million bigoted people who have been totally brainwashed by the predictable lies of the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Monopoly Media, e.g. the so-called BBC, whose pro-Brexit bias is obvious to even the meanest intelligence, i.e. me.

So, friends – are you all literally ready? Good! (Organ, Diane!) All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our EU all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a Supreme Court Judgement landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and anti-EU traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Brexiter scum, and keep Our EU Flag flying here!  

The Literally Stunning Result Of The Sleaford Byelection Proves That Labour Is – Literally – On The Road To Victory, Whatever The Hard-Right Murdoch-Controlled Media, e.g. Our BBC, May [Groan! – J.C.] Claim, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you are all as – literally – thrilled as I am by the result of the Sleaford byelection, in which Labour put up a – literally – very respectable performance, despite being viciously opposed by Far-Right elements, e.g. the Tories, LibDems and the Fascist UKIP, who disgracefully stole the election from us by telling LIES about us, e.g. that we were just a bunch of deluded Trots who were completely out of touch with ordinary people!

Smear, friends!

That is, of course, nothing more than a vicious Hard-Right smear, friends! As we all know, the modern Labour Party is actually a very broad coalition of Far-Left Progressive opinion, which, yes, includes the odd Trotskyist;  but also many extremely moderate Centre-Left elements, e.g. Communists, Stalinists, Maoists, Anarchists, Leninists, Greens, EU Commissioners, and Our Junior Doctors.  And this coalition is just one of the reasons why there is going to be – literally – a landslide at the next General Election, whenever the cowardly Bullingdon Bully Boy May finally plucks up the courage to call it!

Detailed psephological analysis of the result, friends!

Friends, I – literally – implore you to concentrate when reading this next section, in which I acknowledge that there’s quite a bit of “heavy” analysis , along with some pretty complicated number-crunching!  But please persist, because if you read it long and hard,  you will find facts and statistics that you will have never read anywhere else before!

It comes from an internationally-respected, impeccably objective and heavyweight source, i.e. me, in my detailed analysis of the byelection result in today’s Guardian, viz:

The Sleaford byelection result is actually very encouraging for Labour, despite attempts by the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled monopoly media, e.g. the so-called internet, to viciously claim otherwise!

If anyone doubts this, consider this:

In last week’s Hard-Right Richmond Park byelection, Labour won 1,515 votes – actually a pretty respectable result in a constituency that is – literally – 100% composed of 1%ers and Banksters.

Whereas, in the Far-Right Sleaford byelection, where practically all the voters are – literally – racist bigots, we won a full 3,363 votes!

That means our vote has more than doubled in a week!

And yet Hard-Right elements STILL claim that “Labour isn’t popular”! Talk about deluded!

Some people are going to – literally – get a shock when the next General Election results come through!

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Wow! I bet you’re all – literally – reeling from that analysis, friends! But then, this Blog literally didn’t get where it is today without having a reputation for political analysis that cannot be matched by any other Blog in the world, and indeed elsewhere!

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally [Phew! – J.C.  Oh hello, Jeremy! I was wondering when you’d – literally – pop up here, like a bad penny that’s literally gathered no moss under a bushel! Isn’t the Sleaford result literally thrilling? – L. No comment! – J.C.] it’s time for our little sing-song together!

And what could more be more appropriate on this – literally – joyful day than my specially updated version of that – literally – stirring chorus from the Red Flag?  (Organ, Diane!) All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a General Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

Lefty’s Sunday Selection of Greatest Tweets – Which Are Literally Rocking The Hard-Right Racist Neoliberal Paradigm To Its Very Foundations With Their Literally Irrefutable Logic – 27th November-4th December

Hello, friends.

And a – literally – very warm welcome to you all on this literally sunny day, which obviously has – literally – no connection with Far-Right Climate Change, as sunny weather is merely weather, whereas vicious Far-Right Climate Change is literally destroying the World, and indeed elsewhere, whether [Groan!J.C.] or not Hard-Right elements care to deny this obviously obvious fact!

What a week it has literally been, eh, friends! It is almost literally impossible to believe that Our LibDems have single-handedly smashed Hard-Right Brexit with their literally stunning byelection victory against the Far-Right Jew Zionist, the hated Goldsmith!  But they – literally – have!

Anyway, enough of this light-hearted banter, friends! Here are this week’s Tweets:

Sunday 27th November

Monday 28th November

Tuesday 29th November

Wednesday 30th November

Thursday 1st December

Friday 2nd December

Saturday 3rd December

Sunday 4th December (literally today, friends, if you’re reading it today!)

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Let us – literally – not sing together, friends!

Unfortunately, friends, owing to Hard-Right Brexit, vicious Far-Right Trumpery, and Hard-Right Austerity perpetuated by this totally unelected Tory Government, today’s sing-song has had to be cancelled.

I – literally – apologise for any convenience caused.

Last Night’s Literally Stunning Victory In The Hard-Right Richmond Park Is Literally The Best Piece Of News That Those Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Still Quite A Few Of Us, Friends, Despite Trump – Have Literally Had Since I Literally Can’t Think When, Quite Frankly, Friends! Vicious Hard-Right Brexit Is Now – Literally – Dead And Buried!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as overjoyed as I was by last night’s literally stunning victory by Our LibDems in the Hard-Right Richmond Park byelection, who received a massive 20,510 votes on a truly impressive 53.45% turnout!

This is surely the clearest evidence yet, to all but those who are too blind to hear it, that there is now literally no-one in Britain – which Thatcher totally destroyed – who wants any form of Brexit at all, let alone Hard-Right Brexit!

A – literally – overwhelming mandate for Remain, friends!

Note, friends, that the 49.68% share of the vote received by the winning candidate is a significant increase on the 48.1% vote that Remain received in June, which all objective and heavyweight commentators, i.e. me, now agree was actually an overwhelming vote of confidence in Our EU!

That tiny handful of 17,410,742 Far-Right bigots and racists who viciously voted against Our EU in June, and who – literally – represent nobody but themselves, must be feeling – literally – pretty small now!

If this result is not conclusive proof that the British people have finally come to their senses on this matter, and have now totally rejected vicious Brexit, then I for one – literally – don’t know what is!

Puzzled, friends!

I do have to confess, friends, that I am more than a little surprised by Jeremy’s reaction to this magnificent news. When the result came through, far from celebrating at this literally massive victory against the forces of Hard-Right Brexit, Jeremy’s mood took a distinct turn for the worse, which rather surprised me, considering his impeccably pro-EU stance which he has consistently held since becoming Labour Leader last year.

His chagrin could, after all, surely not be due to Labour’s literally stunning performance in the by-election, where we amassed no fewer than 1515 votes – a rather impressive total, friends, considering that the Far-Right Richmond Park is – literally – entirely populated by Hard-Right members of the 1% and Banksters. (The clue is in the “Rich”, friends!)

Hey ho, friends! Jeremy is a strangely mercurial fellow, and I literally don’t know what’s going on in his mind half the time! [Judging from most of your utterances about me, I’d put that figure at closer to 100%, Lefty! J.C.] The point surely is that, so long as Britain stays in Our EU, really – what else really matters eh? [No comment! – J.C. Really, Jeremy! I do sometimes wonder about how wholehearted your commitment is to Our EU! – L. No comment! J.C.]

Let us celebrate with a little sing-song, friends!

And now, friends, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! [Indeed, Lefty, because it means you’ll finally shut up, hopefully! – J.C.  Oh Jeremy! You can be quite incorrigible at times! – L. I’m greatly incorriged to hear that! – J.C.  Groan! – L.]

Yes, friends, it’s time for our little sing-song together! And to celebrate Our LibDems’ literally amazing success in the Progressive Left Richmond [Hang on, Lefty – weren’t you describing it as “Far-Right” only a few paragraphs ago? – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be so literally pedantic! – L.], I have assembled a new Band to sing my new song, “EU To Me Are Literally Everything“. For some strange reason, none of my usual leading Labour Party figures are prepared to participate in this, but that is literally no problem for me! In their absence, I have managed to secure the services of some remarkably talented people, as you can see!

Lineup: 

Tiny Tim Farron: Lead Vocals, Lead Guitar

Nicky Clegg-Morgan: Backing Vocals, Rhythm Guitar

Dame Anna Soubry: Backing Vocals, Bass Shandy [With plenty of sour lemons, please! Hic! A.S.]

Tony “Lionel” Blair: Harmony Vocals, Synthesisers

Kenny Clarke: Drums and Cigars

Readers: Please feel free to – literally – sing along, friends!  All together now:

I would – literally – take the stars
Out of the sky for Our EU
Stop the rain from falling
If Our EU asked me to
I’d do anything for Our EU
Its wish is my command
I could literally move a mountain when
Our EU’s hand is in my hand.
Words cannot express
How much Our EU means to me
There must be some other way
To make you Far-Right bigots see
If it takes endless Budget contributions
You know I’d – literally – pay the price
Literally everything that I possess
I’d gladly sacrifice.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby
To Our EU I guess
The UK is just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby.
You give me just
A taste of Single Market access to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power 
To keep the UK stayin’ in
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby.
Though Our EU is close to me
We seem so far apart
Maybe given time
The UK’ll have a change of heart
If it takes a few more Referendums then
I’m prepared to wait
The day we give our sovereignty to Our EU
Won’t be a day too late.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby.
To Our EU I guess
The UK’s just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby
EU gives me just
A taste of bureacracy to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power boy
To keep UK stayin’ in.
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby