Last Night’s Literally Stunning Victory In The Hard-Right Richmond Park Is Literally The Best Piece Of News That Those Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Still Quite A Few Of Us, Friends, Despite Trump – Have Literally Had Since I Literally Can’t Think When, Quite Frankly, Friends! Vicious Hard-Right Brexit Is Now – Literally – Dead And Buried!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as overjoyed as I was by last night’s literally stunning victory by Our LibDems in the Hard-Right Richmond Park byelection, who received a massive 20,510 votes on a truly impressive 53.45% turnout!

This is surely the clearest evidence yet, to all but those who are too blind to hear it, that there is now literally no-one in Britain – which Thatcher totally destroyed – who wants any form of Brexit at all, let alone Hard-Right Brexit!

A – literally – overwhelming mandate for Remain, friends!

Note, friends, that the 49.68% share of the vote received by the winning candidate is a significant increase on the 48.1% vote that Remain received in June, which all objective and heavyweight commentators, i.e. me, now agree was actually an overwhelming vote of confidence in Our EU!

That tiny handful of 17,410,742 Far-Right bigots and racists who viciously voted against Our EU in June, and who – literally – represent nobody but themselves, must be feeling – literally – pretty small now!

If this result is not conclusive proof that the British people have finally come to their senses on this matter, and have now totally rejected vicious Brexit, then I for one – literally – don’t know what is!

Puzzled, friends!

I do have to confess, friends, that I am more than a little surprised by Jeremy’s reaction to this magnificent news. When the result came through, far from celebrating at this literally massive victory against the forces of Hard-Right Brexit, Jeremy’s mood took a distinct turn for the worse, which rather surprised me, considering his impeccably pro-EU stance which he has consistently held since becoming Labour Leader last year.

His chagrin could, after all, surely not be due to Labour’s literally stunning performance in the by-election, where we amassed no fewer than 1515 votes – a rather impressive total, friends, considering that the Far-Right Richmond Park is – literally – entirely populated by Hard-Right members of the 1% and Banksters. (The clue is in the “Rich”, friends!)

Hey ho, friends! Jeremy is a strangely mercurial fellow, and I literally don’t know what’s going on in his mind half the time! [Judging from most of your utterances about me, I’d put that figure at closer to 100%, Lefty! J.C.] The point surely is that, so long as Britain stays in Our EU, really – what else really matters eh? [No comment! – J.C. Really, Jeremy! I do sometimes wonder about how wholehearted your commitment is to Our EU! – L. No comment! J.C.]

Let us celebrate with a little sing-song, friends!

And now, friends, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! [Indeed, Lefty, because it means you’ll finally shut up, hopefully! – J.C.  Oh Jeremy! You can be quite incorrigible at times! – L. I’m greatly incorriged to hear that! – J.C.  Groan! – L.]

Yes, friends, it’s time for our little sing-song together! And to celebrate Our LibDems’ literally amazing success in the Progressive Left Richmond [Hang on, Lefty – weren’t you describing it as “Far-Right” only a few paragraphs ago? – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be so literally pedantic! – L.], I have assembled a new Band to sing my new song, “EU To Me Are Literally Everything“. For some strange reason, none of my usual leading Labour Party figures are prepared to participate in this, but that is literally no problem for me! In their absence, I have managed to secure the services of some remarkably talented people, as you can see!

Lineup: 

Tiny Tim Farron: Lead Vocals, Lead Guitar

Nicky Clegg-Morgan: Backing Vocals, Rhythm Guitar

Dame Anna Soubry: Backing Vocals, Bass Shandy [With plenty of sour lemons, please! Hic! A.S.]

Tony “Lionel” Blair: Harmony Vocals, Synthesisers

Kenny Clarke: Drums and Cigars

Readers: Please feel free to – literally – sing along, friends!  All together now:

I would – literally – take the stars
Out of the sky for Our EU
Stop the rain from falling
If Our EU asked me to
I’d do anything for Our EU
Its wish is my command
I could literally move a mountain when
Our EU’s hand is in my hand.
Words cannot express
How much Our EU means to me
There must be some other way
To make you Far-Right bigots see
If it takes endless Budget contributions
You know I’d – literally – pay the price
Literally everything that I possess
I’d gladly sacrifice.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby
To Our EU I guess
The UK is just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby.
You give me just
A taste of Single Market access to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power 
To keep the UK stayin’ in
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby.
Though Our EU is close to me
We seem so far apart
Maybe given time
The UK’ll have a change of heart
If it takes a few more Referendums then
I’m prepared to wait
The day we give our sovereignty to Our EU
Won’t be a day too late.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby.
To Our EU I guess
The UK’s just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby
EU gives me just
A taste of bureacracy to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power boy
To keep UK stayin’ in.
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Last Night’s Literally Stunning Victory In The Hard-Right Richmond Park Is Literally The Best Piece Of News That Those Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Still Quite A Few Of Us, Friends, Despite Trump – Have Literally Had Since I Literally Can’t Think When, Quite Frankly, Friends! Vicious Hard-Right Brexit Is Now – Literally – Dead And Buried!

  1. Truly inspiring. My mate Ron has set those stirring words to “Onward Christian Soldiers” and as I write is singing outside our dumpster( big dustbin in English English) to he massed ranks of shoppers many of whom look very hard right to us but never mind the fight goes on .So far we have collected 18 pence for the fighting fund.
    The fight winner gets to drink the cider.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Very surprised you’re still here, given the depths of your treachery. Making underhand deals with the Tory Vandals and now praising the Liberal nobheads. Have you no shame?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Is this counter revsionism and counter actionable ?
      Seems to me Singer my MI5 suspect…that you fail, at times to wholeheartedly follow our Leader into the fray.
      Maybe a show trial of fainthearts is due….and as I sit on Lords as a Bashing Bishop for fun, I will happily summon a few kangaroos for My Show Trial of the Anchor Draggers.
      In the event of your coup however being successful, may I say how sweet your song is from the top of the bridge,fearless leader in waiting….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Get behind me fowl temptress. I have no stomach for intrigue even from the apostate. As a reviewer of the unfaithful, I believe SOL has sold his literary soul for a pottage of Tory gilt. Few are safe from his machinations for he possesses a wierd mental connection to our Jeremy.
        Thank you for your offers of support. They are worth a mite more than a pittance and I shall treasure the electrons with which they were transmitted.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this Sir Lefty.
    How brilliant-how Castroesque even-to feign support for the crypto-fascists in the Lib Dem Green Movement…befoire suckering them into the Gulag that you`ve already set up in Gitmo on your “funeral visit” to Havana.
    Or are we sticking with Walton On the Naze…my “church choir” have not all been singing from the Morning Star?…reply on the back of this blog and leave in the geranium post by the vestry!
    So-as you laud the soggy satans of the pastel lime green nazis and the peach and black fashistz at one and the same time-as you tell us all “let a thousand flowers bloom”- we note who puts their heads above the plant pots, who will be Billed and then Binned, with Little Weed between them both…Sam the Gardeners Socialist secateurs of imminent justice are here. This is GOOD communion wine…Viva Abel Muzorewa and katanga!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Listen to literally the finest political interview ever broadcast to listen to our very own Left wing paragon Sarah Olney literally slaughter the literally Hard Right catspaw and enemy of the people Julia Hartley-Brewer in this literally uplifting piece of literally superlative radio broadcasting!

    http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/2016/12/listen-julia-hartley-brewer-trolls-sarah-olney-second-election/

    The evil Brexiteers are literally going to literally be slaughtered when this paragon of stunningly Left wing excellence literally destroys their tiny majority in the literally bogus, rigged-by-the Right referendum!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Friend Catweazle! You are literally correct re Our Sarah! She literally tore strips off the Hartley-Right [Groan!J.C.] Hartley-Brewer, who is obviously from her name a descendant of monopolistic Jam-making and Drinks corporations, which literally pay no tax whatsoever, as they prefer to waste their money viciously oppressing their workforces instead.

      And yet, when you point this out to Right-wingers, they literally just laugh at you and say you’re “delusional”! I – literally – despair!

      Liked by 1 person

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