And as you may have shrewdly inferred from the title of this Blog, I am more than a little disturbed [You said it, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Please quit making literally cheap jokes at my expense! – L.] at the sheer lack of songs in this Hard-Right world – and indeed elsewhere – that contain that literally favourite word of mine, i.e. – literally – “literally”!
And so, to help rectify this literally deplorable state of affairs, I am pleased and proud to announce that I am today – literally – launching Lefty’s Literally Best-Ever Song Titles Game, simultaneously – literally in stereo, friends! – here on the racist neoliberal Hard-Right WordPress, as well as on the Far-Right neoliberal racist Twitter!
Rules are strictly – and indeed literally – for tiresome Hard-Right pedants, friends! But here are some Guidelines:
- Insert the word “literally” in to song titles, but only if it makes sense. For instance, I Want To Literally Hold Your Hand is fine, whereas, e.g., Literally Michelle – literally – ain’t much good. (But see
RuleGuideline 5, which shows a way of getting round the problem with the latter type of song.)
- “Literally” can be used literally as many times as you want within any song title, if it works – e.g. Literally Everything She Literally Does Is Literally Magic.
- “Literally” can be placed in different places in the same song, e.g. you could have a variant of the example in 1., viz I Literally Want to Hold Your Hand. Or, going on from the example in 2., you could have I Literally Want to Literally Hold Your Hand.
- Using dashes (or, indeed, any kind of punctuation) for added impact is also fine, e.g. We Are – Literally – The Champions, as opposed to We Are Literally The Champions. Or even a mixture of the two, and indeed following on from point 2, We Are Literally The – Literally – Champions.
- I am going to let you all – literally – “cheat” a bit, friends! Some song titles really aren’t – literally – capable of incorporating “literally”, so to expand the number of possible songs in this game, you may use a line from the song, provided the line includes the song title in it. For instance, ELO’s Livin’ Thing is not really a suitable title for adding “literally” to; but there are lines in it in which “literally” would literally go very well, e.g. “It’s a – literally – livin’ thing! It’s a – literally – terrible thing to lose!”.
- Giving the artist’s name would be helpful, as one person’s famous song is another’s obscure number! But for anyone having to work within the Far-Right Twitter’s vicious 140-character limit, this
RuleGuideline is generously waived, if necessary.
- If the artist’s name is used, “Literally” may also be used in their name when it works, e.g. Literally The Police: Don’t Literally Stand So Literally Close To Me.
- Any kind of song is permitted! (The lack of “literally’s” in songs is not literally confined to Far-Right pop songs, friends!) For instance, Hard-Right Classical Music fans are also encouraged to contribute, e.g. the viciously militaristic and imperialistic I Am – Literally – The Model Of A Modern Major General, or indeed, A Policeman’s Lot Is – Literally – Not A Happy One.
- Album titles may also be used, e.g. Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Literally Here, or Genesis’s The Lamb Literally Lies Down on Broadway .
- There is no point 10, friends. [There doesn’t seem to be any point to this whole bloody thing, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Stop being such a literally damp squib! – L.]
- It will not be assumed that using any particular song in this game means endorsement of it. For instance, I would not want anyone to think that, were I suddenly to literally blurt out You’re – Literally – Beautiful, this meant I was literally a fan of the Hard-Right Blunt. [Who’s Blunt, Lefty? Is he on our List Of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors For Deselection? – J.C. I’ll explain later, Jeremy. Am rather busy at the moment. – L.]
- Feel free to re-use any of the examples given here if you wish, but obviously they will not be eligible for the prize (see below).
- Anyone breaking any of the above
RulesGuidelines, especially RuleGuideline 10, will be – literally – shot. (Only – literally – joking, friends!)
The person who, in my – literally – totally impartial opinion, makes the best contribution(s) will win a free copy of my forthcoming tome, Lefty’s Literally Little Read Book Of Literally Literary Delights, personally
rubber-stamped signed by Yours Truly.
My decision will be – literally – final. No appeal against it will be allowed, as the last thing this Blog needs is a whole load of literally appealing people, literally appealing against it.
Let us literally *not* sing together, friends!
Friends, time is – literally – of the essence! We need to get this game – literally – off the ground as soon as possible! So, if you’ll forgive me – and indeed, even if you literally won’t – let us literally skip our traditional sing-song today, and instead – literally – get down to the business of doing what this Blog has today set out to do, whatever it is (I have to confess, friends, that I have – literally – forgotten! My memory is – literally – not very good!).
So, friends, let’s – literally – get going!