And here is my contribution to the mass debate [Sic! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Please don’t use bourgeois Latinisms, which may confuse those readers who, unlike you, did not enjoy the benefit of a Fascist private-school education! – L.] that’s going on in the Far-Right Guardian regarding the intervention by the hated Red Tory Traitor Blair – Our Tony – on the literally burning topic of Our EU!
As usual, I have provided a link to the original article and my comment, together with any replies to it, below my piece. Literally eagle-eyed readers may spot a couple of small changes in this version compared with the original: one is the insertion of my literally favourite word at a place where it was literally needed; the other is a correction – I was worried that the Guardian would viciously close comments before I could post the piece, so was not as careful in checking my piece as I should have been. (I blame Thatcher.) Anyway, here it is, friends:
Tony Blair: debilitated Labour is facilitating a disastrous Brexit
Friends! The intervention of the widely-hated war criminal, the Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Bliar, into the mass debate on Our EU does, it must be conceded, present those of us on the Progressive Left with a bit of a dilemma.
As literally everyone knows, the hated Bliar was the most hated Prime Minister since the hated Thatcher, as proved by the fact that he only managed to win three General Elections before being forced out by the sheer weight of public opinion, i.e. Our Gordon, who abolished Boom and Bust until the Banksters, along with that bigoted woman, Mrs Duffy, predictably wrecked everything, which literally nobody could have predicted, least of all Our Gordon, who after all was only in charge of the British economy at the time.
And since then, Blair has done nothing but undermine all his successors, claiming – ludicrously – that they’re all “losers”, even though, as we all know, the only reason they didn’t win was because they were all far too Right-wing for the British people, causing literally millions of Labour supporters to cast their votes for the Tories and UKIP in protest.
Furthermore, since leaving office, Mr Blair has done little but make literally obscene sums of money for himself – hardly appropriate for a former leader of the People’s Party.
But – and I say this with a literally heavy heart – on the subject of Our EU, it has to be conceded that Mr Tony Blair is absolutely right. [“Right’s” the correct word, Saveed! – J.C. Shhh, Jeremy! – S.]
Tony Blair has courageously pointed out the indisputable fact that Brexit will be an utter disaster that will literally devastate Britain – which Thatcher totally destroyed – and it should therefore be avoided at all costs.
And so, friends, those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are still quite a few of us, despite a few setbacks in the past few months, e.g. the tragically premature passing of Our Fidel, the People’s Dictator – should all now rally behind Tony’s clarion call to “rise up in defence of what we believe”, and totally smash Hard-Right Brexit, which literally nobody wants, apart from a tiny handful of 17,410,742 Far-Right bigots and racists, who (a) represent absolutely nobody but themselves, (b) literally didn’t know what they were voting for, and (c) in any case were literally deceived by the firm promise, inscribed on the side of a distinctly reactionary omnibus, of £350 billion/day extra for Our NHS – yet another vicious Leave Camp LIE!
So, friends, with our new hero Our Tony – The Remainers’ Champion – at the helm, we on the Progressive Left will be, and will forever remain [Groan! – J.C.], at least as far as Our EU is concerned – literally – revolting!