Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 11th-17th July

Hello, friends.

And what a wonderful Mass Protest March Against Trump we all had the other day, eh! According to figures which have been carefully made up by one of Our Experts – i.e. Our Me – over 10 million people took part; although needless to say, the Far-Right Murdoch-controlled Monopoly Media – e.g. Our BBC – predictably downplayed this – literally – unbelievable number, by dint of using special cameras which deliberately excluded any ‘normal’-looking people, which reduced the numbers to about 1000th of what they should have been. Talk about Hard-Right ‘lookist’ bias eh!

And wasn’t Our Trump Blimp Balloon impressive, friends? Wow! It was almost as big as the hated Trump himself, and when it was raised a full 30 feet into the air, it could be seen from – literally – yards away! If the sight of that didn’t make the Fascist Trump want to resign immediately, I – literally – can’t think what would! So, all in all, what a day it was! 

Sorry, friends!

Alas, friends, I was unable to attend Our Mass Protest March Against Trump, as I was already booked in for my Mass March For Our EU, which just happened to be taking place in my bedsit at the exact same time. Talk about – literally – rotten timing eh!

Anyway, that’s enough of my in-depth reporting [Ha! – J.C. Shush, Jeremy! – L.] of Our Mass Protest March Against Trump. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Wednesday 11th July

Thursday 12th July

Friday 13th July

Saturday 14th July

Sunday 15th July

Monday 16th July

Tuesday 17th July

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Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 30th June-11th July

Hello, friends.

And what an exciting time it is to be a member of the Progressive Left these days, eh friends! This – literally – vicious Tory Government is now tottering, with the real risk of the hated May being toppled and replaced with someone who’d be far more popular than Corbyn a Far-Right extremist whose only possible source of votes would be that tiny handful of 17,410,742 bigots who viciously voted against Our EU two years ago. Talk about unpopular eh!

Meanwhile, of course, Jeremy is totally safe in his post, as Labour never dumps its leaders no matter how useless they are thanks to its belief in Our Solidarity – unless, of course, we’re talking about Far-Right Red Tory Traitors, e.g. the hated Blair, who was so unpopular that he only managed to win three general elections before he was removed by a People’s Revolt, i.e. the Hard-Right Brown Our Gordon, who abolished Tory Boom and Bust, or would have, had the evil Bankers – e.g. that bigoted woman, the hated Duffy – not ruined everything with their reckless bigotry gambling.

Anyway, that’s enough of my shrewd analysis [Ha! – J.C. Shush, Jeremy! – L.] of the contemporary political scene. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 30th June

Sunday 1st July

Monday 2nd July

Tuesday 3rd July

Wednesday 4th July

Thursday 5th July

Tuesday 10th July

Wednesday 11th July

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 23rd-29th June

Hello, friends.

And I’m sorry to announce that, due to Hard Brexit, this Blog is now planning to – literally – up sticks, and relocate to Our EU (probably Our Luxembourg), with all the grave ramifications this will have, in terms of Our Jobs, Our Exports, and indeed Our Economy.

The reasons behind this are inevitably complex, but the main reason is naturally my desire to make as much money as possible ensure a frictionless supply chain for the large quantities of verbiage – low-carbon, naturally – this Blog produces.

I know this will come as a huge blow to you all, as it is to me. What particularly upsets me is that, when I mentioned this tragic news to Jeremy the other day, he didn’t actually seem to be particularly bothered! And this from a passionate Remainer like him! [No comment! – J.C. Oh hello, Jeremy! Fancy you – literally – popping up here, like a bad penny that’s turned up its toes at a Far-Right vicarage tea party!  Talk about bad timing! – L.]

Hey ho, friends – I guess we’ve all got our particular cross to bear. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 23rd June

Sunday 24th June

Monday 25th June

Tuesday 26th June

Wednesday 27th June

Thursday 28th June

Friday 29th June

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 16th-22nd June

Hello, friends.

And I expect you’re all eagerly looking forward to today’s Mass March For Our People’s Vote To Stay In Our Reformed EU, aren’t you, friends? I do trust that each and every one of you will be going to this exciting event, which literally dozens of people are expected to attend, especially given the lovely sunny weather (which, as 97% of Our Climate Scientists never fail to remind us, must never be confused with Our Climate)! Our Mass March will certainly make that tiny handful of 17,410,742 bigots who viciously voted against Our EU two years ago feel pretty – literally – small!

Apologies, friends!

Alas, friends, I will be unable to attend, as I am already booked in for my ‘Smash Intolerance And Hateful Hate-Filled Hatred’ Mass March, which by sheer bad luck is on at the exact same time as Our People’s Vote For A Mass March For Our Reformed EU. [That doesn’t sound quite right, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be such a pedant! As a passionate Remainer, you of all people should know that the exact title of Our Marches is not what’s important! Key thing is to be there!L. No comment! – J.C.]. Hey ho, friends, I shall listen to all the news about Our People’s March tonight on an exciting, high-tech device I have recently acquired, known colloquially I believe as a ‘wireless set’. Talk about the white-hot heat of Our Society, which Thatcher first denied the existence of and then totally destroyed, eh! 

Anyway, here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 16th June

Sunday 17th June

Monday 18th June

Tuesday 19th June

Wednesday 20th June

Thursday 21st June

Friday 22nd June

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 9th-15th June

Hello, friends.

And what an exciting day today is for those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, e.g. me – isn’t it, friends! I bet you’re all as – literally – fired up as I am about Our Labour Live Fest, which will be – literally – kicking off in just a few hours’ time!

I – literally – can’t wait to witness Jeremy’s spellbinding oratory, in which he’ll be holding the audience – literally – in the palm of his hand! Talk about sheer charisma!  Along with some – literally – stunning performances by some – literally –  unforgettable acts, whoever they are.

Sorry, friends!

Alas, friends, I shall not be able to attend, as I am already booked in for my Trump Hates Hope Mass March today, at which quite a few people – i.e. me – are expected to attend. Talk about bad luck and timing eh! 

Anyway, here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 9th June

Sunday 10th June

Monday 11th June

Tuesday 12th June

Wednesday 13th June

Thursday 14th June

Friday 15th June

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 2nd-8th June

Hello, friends.

And I expect you’re all looking forward to attending Our Labour Live (only a week to go!) Festival as much as I am, aren’t you, friends?

Our Stormzy and Our Lily Allen are amongst the literally glittering artists who’ll be performing – admittedly, not at Our Labour Live, but doubtless somewhere else in the near future. And with Jeremy – Our Obsolete Boy – headlining, no wonder tickets are being  – literally – snapped up, especially at the new bargain rate of only £0.00 (plus VAT) each! Talk about a – literally – giveaway price eh! Can you imagine the Tories managing to pull off something like this, friends? It would be a total flop!

Anyway, here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 2nd June

Sunday 3rd June

Monday 4th June

Tuesday 5th June

Wednesday 6th June

Thursday 7th June

Friday 8th June

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 26th May-1st June

Hello, friends.

And I expect you’re all as pleased as I am that Our Anjem (Choudhary) – the People’s Hate Preacher – is likely to be released soon, aren’t you, friends?

Our Anjem has, after all, served nearly two years of a five-and-a-half year sentence, which is surely far too long already. And since, due to Far-Right Tory Austerity, Our Prisons are full to bursting, it is therefore surely only right that spaces should be made available for really serious criminals, e.g. people who refuse to pay Our TV Licence Fee, or – even worse, obviously – those who are found guilty of Hate Tweets against Our Vulnerable Minorities, e.g. Our Grooming Gangs and Our Terrorists? Talk about Our Justice not just being done, but being seen to be done eh!

Anyway, that’s enough of my usual shrewd, in-depth analysis [Ha! – J.C.  Shush, Jeremy! – L.] of the inherent injustice of the late neoliberal hegemonistic paradigm. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 26th May

Sunday 27th May

Monday 28th May

Tuesday 29th May

Wednesday 30th May

Thursday 31st May

Friday 1st June

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 12th-25th May

Hello, friends.

And what a great week it’s been for those of us on the Progressive Left, who are now firm believers in law and order – always provided, of course, that it’s Our Law and Our Order!

Our Police are – despite Far-Right Tory Austerity, which has led to cuts in essential police equipment, e.g. nail varnish –  doing a first-class job in rounding up and arresting political dissidents Far-Right elements, e.g. the literally Fascist Tommy Robinson, who is quite definitely guilty of whatever it is that he hasn’t been charged with. Thank goodness he is now in prison, where he will no longer be able to complain about Our Grooming Gangs, which are the envy of the world attack Our Vulnerable Minorities.

Hate speech, friends!

After all, friends, so-called ‘free speech’ is all very well and good, but not when it becomes Hate Speech, i.e. speech that those of us on the Progressive Left hate, which these days is practically everything. So let us banish it forever, as part of Our Kinder And Gentler Totalitarian Tolerant Society, which Thatcher first denied the existence of, and then totally destroyed, e.g. Our Coal Mines, which alas can now never be reopened, due to all the dangerous Climate Change they would cause.

Anyway, that’s enough of my usual shrewd, in-depth analysis [Ha! – J.C.  Shush, Jeremy! – L.] of the latest political arrests developments. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 12th May

Monday 21st May

Tuesday 22nd May

Wednesday 23rd May

Thursday 24th May

Friday 25th May

Dad’s Army: The Deadly EU Attachment

[Originally posted in Going Postal, 17 June 2016.]

 

The church hall in Walmington-on-Sea, where the Home Guard have assembled …

CAPTAIN MAINWARING: Now pay attention, men, as I have an important announcement to make.  A Referendum is going to be held in just a few days’ time, on the important matter of whether Britain should remain in, or leave, the European Union, or “EU” as it is more commonly called.  And, naturally, I have given this matter a lot of careful consideration before deciding that, on balance, it is in Britain’s best interests to vote Remain.

SERGEANT WILSON: Do you think that’s altogether wise, sir?

MAINWARING (impatiently): Oh Wilson!  You really are a wet blanket at times!  How could it possibly not be the right thing, for Britain to work in partnership with our friends in a reformed Europe?

WILSON: Well, sir, judging from Mrs Merkel’s recent antics, and indeed some of the threatening noises emanating from various Brussels bureaucrats, I’m not at all sure that these people are our friends!  And as for a “reformed Europe”, well they’ve been talking about that ever since Britain joined, and the only reforms that have ever happened have involved Britain giving up more and more of its sovereignty to unelected foreigners …

PIKE: Mr Mainwaring, my Mum says we shouldn’t allow unelected foreigners, or any type of foreigner for that matter, to run this country! She also says that Mrs Merkel is an evil old witch – at least, I think that’s what the last word was.

WILSON (reproachfully): Frank, please …

MAINWARING (interrupting Wilson): Oh do be quiet, Pike!  What do you know about such important international matters, you stupid boy!

FRAZER: Aye, young Pike’s got a point, sir. I tell you, if Britain stays in that useless, corrupt, collapsing EU, we’re all DOOMED, I tell you!  DOOMED! DOOMED!  (Rolls eyeballs dramatically.)

MAINWARING: Frazer, will you kindly stop rolling your eyeballs in that silly way! Heavens, man, it reminds me of that ghastly female Labour MP – the one who can’t add up properly and thinks that fire puts out water!

WALKER: Mr. Mainwaring, talking of the EU, there’s a mate of mine who’s got a lot of, er, cheap Euros that he, er, stumbled on by, er, accident the other day. Fancy a few of them?  I can give you an absolutely bargain rate! Look, if you can manage cash, I can get you a hundred Euros for a hundred quid – can’t say fairer than that, can you?

MAINWARING: Really, Walker, I don’t want to know anything about your shady racketeering deals in some obscure, worthless foreign currency that no true Englishman would ever want to touch!

GODFREY: Oh, I do so agree with you, Mr. Mainwaring.  Some foreign ruffian offered my sister Dolly some of these so-called Euros in exchange for one of her delicious upside-down cakes at the village fête the other week!  Said he was an important official, name of Juncker I think, and threatened my sister with all kinds of reprisals if she didn’t accept the currency. (Shakes his head mournfully.)  I, I … don’t like that kind of thing at all.

JONES: Quite right, Mr. Godfrey!  We used to have a lot of trouble with foreign ruffians when we were in the Sudan!  Your sister Dolly should have done with that Junket man what we did with the fuzzy-wuzzies – shown them a flash of the old cold steel!  Those fuzzy-wuzzies don’t like it up ’em you know! (Excitedly) They do not like it up ’em!

MAINWARING (exasperatedly): I think, Jones, that once again you are entering in to the realms of fantasy. What I am trying to explain to you all is that…..

HODGES (bursts in): Oh, hullo Napoleon!  Just heard you’re supporting the EU!  (Guffaws loudly.)  Gor Blimey, I haven’t had such a ruddy great laugh for ages!  The first Napoleon didn’t do too well in trying to create a united Europe did he?  And now the EU Commission are trying to do the same thing as him, the ruddy hooligans!  Well, the way things are going, we’re all going to be voting Leave on 23rd June, and you, Napoleon, are finally going to meet your own personal Waterloo! Boom Boom!

MAINWARING (to Wilson): What does he know about the EU? The man’s a greengrocer! Get rid of him!

WILSON: Yes, he really is the most awfully uncouth fellow, isn’t he? (To Hodges): I say, Hodges, would you mind clearing orf, please?  (Hodges reluctantly does so.)

(To Mainwaring):  But you know, sir, even though Hodges is a simply ghastly man, he does have a point about the EU.  It is an awfully undemocratic organisation, you see, and if we vote to Remain on the 23rd, we will soon find ourselves completely over-run by all kinds of simply dreadful foreign people.  And I doubt whether you, sir, would be able to remain in your current position …

MAINWARING (sharply): What on earth do you mean by that, Wilson?

WILSON: Well, sir, surely you know that the EU wants to set up an EU Army of its own. And to be quite honest, sir, I’m not at all sure that they will (chuckles softly), well, er, require your services in those circumstances.

JONES: Permission to speak, Mr Mainwaring!  If the vote is for Remain, there’ll be an EU Army before you know it, and you’ll be the first for the chop! But don’t panic, Mr Mainwaring!  (Getting more and more agitated.)   DON’T PANIC!  DON’T PANIC!  DON’T PAN …

MAINWARING: Oh, do be quiet, Jones, and don’t be so ridiculous!  I’m not going to be rattled by a rabble of third-rate tuppenny-halfpenny foreigners, even if they call themselves an EU Army!  Most of them probably can’t even speak English properly, let alone wage war, unlike this platoon, which under my leadership is being turned in to a lean, ruthless, well-oiled fighting machine!

FRAZER:  Captain Mainwaring, Jonesey has a point!  If we vote Remain on the 23rd, your career as Captain of this platoon will be FINISHED!  FINISHED, I tell you!

GODFREY: Oh, that would be simply awful, Mr. Frazer!  Personally, I think that Captain Mainwaring has done a splendid job of leading this platoon, and I shall always remain loyal to him, whichever way the vote goes on 23rd June.

PIKE: Me too, Mr. Godfrey, even though he does sometimes call me a stupid boy, and my Mum was ever so annoyed with him the other day for not allowing me to wear my scarf on parade, even though it wasn’t half cold and I have a very sensitive chest …

MAINWARING: Thank you, Godfrey, and Pike. Well, men, I’m glad to see that you have all now realised that staying in the EU would be an utter catastrophe for me, er, this platoon, and indeed for our country generally.  I did wonder (embarrassed little laugh) which of you would be first to spot this particular point!

FRAZER:  Aye, Captain Mainwaring, and let me be the first to congratulate you on your principled stand against the undemocratic EU!  I never doubted you for a single minute, sir!  And I’m right behind you!

Selection Of Sir Leftski’s Tweets And Summaries Of Articles, 5th-11th May

Hello, friends.

And what a week it’s been for those of us on the Progressive Left eh, friends! Following last week’s – literally – stunning local elections, in which Labour managed to hold on to quite a few seats, this week has seen our new ally, Our House Of Lords – which, after all, is only doing the job it was unelected to do – sabotage make some important amendments to Brexit!

All that’s necessary now is for Labour to back Our Customs Union and Our Single Market in the House of Commons … and, with a passionate, life-long Remainer like Jeremy [Ha! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! I know you opposed Our EEC/EU for a few decades, but that was – literally – just a moment of madness! – L. No comment! – J.C.] leading Labour, what could possibly go wrong? [Rather a lot, as it happens, Lefty! – J.C. What on earth do you mean by that, Jeremy? – L. No comment! – J.C.]

Anyway, enough of my usual shrewd, in-depth analysis [Ha! – J.C.] of the current political scene. Here’s my latest selection of tweets. As ever, my thanks to everyone whose tweets I’ve mentioned, and to all who’ve contributed to the threads, which can easily be viewed, by dint of clicking on the tweet in question!

 

Saturday 5th May

Sunday 6th May

Monday 7th May

Tuesday 8th May

Wednesday 9th May

Thursday 10th May

Friday 11th May