Let Us Not Be Cast Down By The Latest Vicious Neoliberal So-Called Opinion Poll, Friends! Let Us, Instead, Stop Fighting Each Other, And Take The Fight To The Tories! That Way, Friends, The Next Election Will Result In – Literally – A Landslide! So – Let’s Literally Look On The Bright Side Of Life, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as disappointed as I was by the most recent opinion poll which viciously showed a 16-point lead for the widely-hated Tories.

Although this may seem like – literally – a hammer blow for those of us on the Progressive Left, who literally yearn for a kinder, gentler country – run, naturally, on the lines of that remarkably successful Socialist country, Our Venezuela – we must not literally despair!

Instead, we must take a long, hard look at ourselves, and decide where we may have possibly gone wrong.

Fortunately, friends, you do not need to bother to do this, because I have done it for you! And after a great deal of research, using figures which I have carefully made up from many reliable and respected sources, e.g. me, I have reached the following conclusions:

1. Labour is literally far too Right-wing, friends!

Labour is still far too Right-wing for the British people, friends!  We know that because, if we were offering a genuinely Socialist alternative to this totally unelected Tory Government, our poll ratings would improve to not far short of where they were under Our Ed’s magnificent leadership, with a correspondingly greater improvement in our electoral fortunes come the next General Election, whenever the cowardly Bullingdon Bully Boy May dares to call it!

2. Opinion polls are neoliberal tools, friends!

Opinion polls are, in any case, nothing more than neoliberal tools of the 1% and Banksters, and cannot be trusted, friends!  Only last year, for instance, it looked as though Our Ed was going to cruise to victory in the totally rigged General Election, right up until the Hard-Right Exit Poll was viciously published at 10pm on Election Night, at which point all of us on the Progressive Left realised that we had made a literally fatal mistake in picking the Far-Right Red Tory Traitor Miliband as Leader, as proved by the fact that millions of Labour voters, disgusted by his fervently Hard-Right neoliberalism, decided to vote for UKIP and the Tories in protest.

3. We must listen to working people, friends!

Most important of all, friends, those of us on the Progressive Left now need to listen extremely carefully to working people, in order to hear all of their concerns and fears for the future.

It is only by doing this, friends, that we can understand what they are thinking, and thereby put their minds at rest by explaining to them exactly how and why they are wrong.

Reasons to be literally cheerful, friends!

And let us be of good cheer, friends! As I was so wisely saying only very recently, i.e. in 2010, it is surely only a matter of time before people get totally sick of this evil, cruel, widely-hated, totally unelected Tory Government, with its vicious, ever-higher, Bedroom Taxes, its compulsory Foodbanks, and its literally nasty and sadistic attempts to impose Far-Right Austerity on some of the weakest and most vulnerable people in our so-called society – which Thatcher totally destroyed – e.g. Our President Juncker, who would be a far, far better leader of this country than the totally unelected Bullingdon Bully Boy May, who is easily the worst Prime Minister this country has had since the totally unelected Camoron.

Revolting, friends!

No wonder, friends, that those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are still quite a few of us, friends, even if our ranks have been slightly depleted recently with the tragic passing of Our Fidel – are literally revolting!

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally [Phew! – J.C.], friends, what do you say about our usual little sing-song together? [No way, José! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be such a literally damp squib! I know you enjoy it really! And who is José? Is he another Far-Right Red Tory Traitor? – L. No comment! – J.C.] After all, things could – literally – be worse!  And, in any case, we must look on the – literally – bright side of life! And to celebrate this, I have reassembled my Band to sing my specially-written new song, which hopefully will literally boost everyone’s spirits.

Lineup:

Me:  Acoustic Guitar, Lead Vocals

Jeremy: Electric Guitar, Backing Vocals

John: Little Read Book!  No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Diane: Organ, backing vocals

Seamus: Drums and Venezuelan-style Percussion

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

Cheer up, Jeremy. You know what they say.
Some things in Labour are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re reshuffling the Shadow Cabinet,
Don’t grumble, give ’em a hammering!
And this’ll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life
If Labour seems jolly rotten,
There’s something you’ve forgotten!
And that’s to march, shout, revolt and protest,
When you’re down in the polls,
Don’t be silly with the Brexit proles,
Just smash the Far-Right Red Tory Traitors – that’s best!
And always look on the bright side of life
Come on!
Always look on the bright side of life
For the Hard Right is quite absurd,
And deselection’s the final word.
You must always face the members with a bow!
Forget about your sin with Diane – give the Party a grin,
Enjoy it, it’s the last chance anyhow!
So always look on the bright side of political death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
The Far-Right Labour’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life’s a laugh and Labour’s a joke, it’s true,
You’ll see it’s all a show,
Keep ’em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is – literally – on you!
And always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Come on comrades, cheer up

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Worse things happen with the Tories you know

Always look on the bright side of life

I mean, what have you got to lose?
you know, Labour came from nowhere
And it’s going back to nowhere!
what have you lost? Literally nothing!

Always look on the bright side of life

 

Tweets for 19th-27th November

Hello, friends. I am pleased and proud to announce that, in my absence, Jeremy has kindly agreed to, as it were, “take over” this Blog today, in the usual weekly round-up of my Tweets. Apart from my short introductory piece here, I am – literally – leaving everything to him! I have asked him to make sure the headline is as full, eye-catching and literally attention-grabbing as this Blog’s headlines always are; and also that our regular musical ending is observed.

It slightly worries me, I have to admit, that Jeremy has not given me any firm undertakings about these essential elements; nor has he promised to refrain from making his usual snarky remarks about me! Hey ho, friends: Beggars – literally – cannot be choosers, especially under this totally unelected Tory Government!  Anyway, fear not, I’ll be back next week as usual. In the meantime, here’s Jeremy’s special roundup of my Tweets from last week … enjoy!

Jeremy writes:

Hello to everyone who reads this blog. I have reluctantly acceded to Lefty’s request to stand in for him this week, as he is away. I say “reluctantly” because, to be perfectly blunt, I have considerable reservations about this whole “Twitter” business, which have not been in any way diminished by Lefty’s particular style of Tweeting.

Although, of course, those Right-wingers who appear to believe that Lefty’s Tweets are “spoofs” are as deluded about this as they are about everything else, nonetheless I do feel somewhat uneasy with many of Lefty’s Tweets. Although, naturally, I agree with their essential content, there is something about them that just doesn’t quite feel right, which I am unable to put my finger on. Perhaps some of you readers could help provide an explanation about this for me?

Here they are, in case anyone is interested in reading them, which I frankly doubt:

Saturday 19th November

Monday 21st November

Wednesday 23rd November

Thursday 24th November

Saturday 26th November

Sunday 27th November

*******************************************

Sorry! No musical number

Although I know Lefty likes to end his blogs with some sort of “musical number” in which some readers seem to enjoy participating, I do hope you won’t mind if I don’t. It would seem to be in pretty poor taste, considering Fidel Castro’s recent passing, and in any case, I have considerable reservations about ending what is after all supposed to be a serious political blog with such a display of frankly childish frivolity. It’s all rather unnecessary, isn’t it? Shouldn’t we be concentrating on the real issues?  Poverty, homelessness, inequality, racism, war?  Aren’t these issues – and many more besides – what really matter?

Best wishes,

J.C.

A Full, Detailed and Totally Heartfelt Tribute to Our Fidel, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you are all as literally devastated as I literally am about the literally appalling news of Our Fidel’s passing, at the tragically early age of only 90.

Friend Fidel, as Jeremy and I naturally called him, was not merely a great statesman who literally transformed Cuba in to the country it is today. He was also a great friend to all of those of us on the Progressive Left, who dare to dream that, one day, a better World – and indeed elsewhere – can be created from the ashes of the current neoliberal paradigm, in which unbridled Hard-Right Trumpery and Far-Right Brexity have literally devastated our so-called society, which Thatcher first denied the existence of, and then totally destroyed.

More, friends!

I would write more, friends, but it is literally impossible for me at this particular moment to find the words to describe how I feel. This is the – literally – darkest day for those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are many of us, friends, e.g. us – since that dark day of November 9th, when the viciously Hard-Right Trump literally stole the Presidency from Our Hillary, despite Our Hillary winning literally tens of billions more votes than him.

Let us sing together, friends!

Friends, I  – literally – feel a song coming on! Let us now, very quietly, and with the enormous dignity that This Great Movement Of Ours is justly famous for, now sing, at the top of our voices, that classic chorus from my specially adapted version of that musical and lyrical masterpiece, Our Red Flag. (Organ, Diane!) All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst remembering Our Fidel all the time,
Beneath his shade we’ll literally live and die, and win an Election landslide,
Though the Trumpsters flinch, and Cuban Opposition traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil anti-Castro scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

 

Sunday Selection Of Lefty’s Best Tweets [Ha Bloody Ha! – J.C. Really, Jeremy! Please Stop Making Literally Snide Comments And Cease Literally Swearing In My Headlines! – L.], 13th-19th November

Hello, friends.

And today’s Blog is being brought to you by – literally – magic!  Yes, it’s appearing even though I am – literally – not here!  Which is, when you come to think about it, literally amazing, isn’t it, friends? [What are you talkin’ about, Lefty? This is just the World Wide Web, where people can write from wherever they’re at! – J.C. Jeremy, could you please stop being so literally literal-minded! – L.]

Once again, it is a round-up of some of my best Tweets [If these are really your “best” ones, Lefty, I truly shudder to think what the worst ones are like! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Do you always have to be so literally negative about my work? – L. You literally give me no choice, Lefty! – J.C.] from the past week, which I hope you’ll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed composing them, whatever the Hard-Right Jeremy may viciously say!

As I am, for personal reasons which cannot be divulged here [Oh go on, Lefty! I could do with a laugh! – J.C. No, Jeremy! My lips are – literally – sealed! – L.], not going to be able to write many Tweets this week, this Blog will be taking a short break for the next two weeks [Lazy sod. – J.C. Jeremy! I literally beg you to desist from making all these literally snide interjections! I really don’t know what’s literally happened to you! – L. No comment! – J.C.] and will return with a bumper edition of two weeks’ worth of Tweets on Sunday 4th December.

Once again, here’s a link to my Guardian pieces, for anyone who finds this more convenient than the ones given via the Tweets:

https://profile.theguardian.com/user/id/14081740

Anyway, friends, here – literally – goes, starting with a special bonus, for literally no extra charge, my most popular Tweet to date, from those far-off days of July:

 

Friday 22nd July 

Sunday 13th November

Monday 14th November

Tuesday 15th November

Wednesday 16th November

Thursday 17th November

Friday 18th November

Saturday 19th November

******************************************

Let us sing together, friends!

Friends, even though I am literally not here, I have a feeling that you would still like to sing our little anthem together!  So, with Diane as usual literally on the organ, and Jeremy taking lead vocals in my stead, please feel free to sing that rousing chorus from my specially adapted version of that musical and lyrical classic, Our Red Flag. All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a General Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Zionist Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

 

Sunday Selection Of Lefty’s Greatest Tweets, Which Literally Cannot Be Trumped! [Groan! – J.C.], 6th-13th November

Hello, friends.

And welcome to what is now becoming a literally viable alternative to the traditional outmoded British Sunday, where Hard-Right elements viciously attend a so-called “Church Service” – nothing more than brainwashing the masses about some ridiculous fairytale that literally doesn’t exist, friends – and then literally feed their faces with a Far-Right so-called “Sunday Lunch” which, as Scientists have now proved, is literally destroying Our Earth – and there is only one Earth, friends, apart from all the others – with its Hard-Right carbon emissions.

Yes, friends, instead of indulging in such viciously neoliberal and racist pastimes, literally millions of people are now reading this Blog instead! Unbelievable, eh! [You said it, Lefty! – J.C. What on – literally – earth is that supposed to mean, Jeremy? – L. Work it out for yourself, Lefty! – J.C.]

Anyway, friends, enough of this literally gay banter!  Here, for the first time ever, is my latest selection of Tweets from last week, and which I hope you will literally enjoy reading:

 

Sunday 6th November

Monday 7th November

Tuesday 8th November

Wednesday 9th November (Vicious Hard-Right TRiUMPh [Groan! – J.C.] Day)

Thursday 10th November

Friday 11th November

Saturday 12th November

Sunday 13th November

****************************************************

Let us literally sing together, friends!

And as a change from our usual Sunday anthem (Our Red Flag), I have adapted another old classic in my own somewhat unique way [That’s one way of putting it, Lefty!J.C.], specially dedicated to Our US Protesters who are bravely and defiantly defying the widely-hated Trump by literally smashing up their own towns and cities in protest. (That’ll show the Far-Right eh!) Are you ready, friends?  (Organ, Diane!)  OK – all together now:

We shall overcome Trump,
We shall overcome Trump,
We shall overcome Trump, some day (2024  at the latest).

Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We’ll literally smash everything,
We’ll literally smash everything,
We’ll smash vicious Hard-Right Trumpery, some day.
.
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We shall literally smash Hard-Right neoliberalism,
We shall totally destroy racist Fascism,
We shall smash Far-Right intolerance, some day.
.
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We are not afraid to smash everything,
We are not afraid to defy the Hard-Right CNN ,
We are not afraid, TODAY
.

The Election of That Far-Right Neoliberal Racist Fascist, The Widely-Hated Trump, Is Literally The Biggest Disaster To Hit The World – And Indeed Elsewhere – Since The Hate Vote For Hard-Right Brexit In June, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I’m quite sure that all of you are as sad and downcast as I am on this utterly depressing day.  For myself, I have done nothing but sob uncontrollably at the tidal wave of hatred, bigotry, racism and outright Fascism that has been unleashed in the US Hate Election, which has been literally worse than when Hitler was elected to the Reichstag, and then literally burned it down the next day. [Are you absolutely sure this is correct, Lefty? Don’t seem to remember being taught this when I was at school! – J.C. Oh, Jeremy!  The Hate School you went to obviously addled your brain with Hard-Right propaganda!  In any case, if I wasn’t absolutely sure about any fact, do you really think I’d put it in this Blog, which is as dedicated to total accuracy as it is impartial? – L. No comment!J.C.]

Literally a disaster, friends!

The election of the Hard-Right racist neoliberal Fascist Trump is literally the biggest disaster for the world – and indeed elsewhere – since that literally dark day in June when a literally tiny handful of 17,410,742 Far-Right bigots – who, let it never be forgotten, represent absolutely nobody but themselves – viciously voted against Our EU!

The totally sickening and disgraceful behaviour of these vicious voters – whether in the US or in the UK – is literally appalling! HOW DARE THEY, friends!

I for one, friends, do not remotely accept this so-called result, any more than I accept the vicious vote against Our EU. So-called “democracy” is all very well and good in theory, but not when it degenerates in to Mob Rule, which is clearly the case here.

A – literally – strong massage [Some mistake, surely, Lefty? – J.C.] here, friends!

Friends, all Hate Votes – whether against Our EU or for the widely-hated Trump – are clearly illegitimate, and must be struck down by Our Judges in Our High Courts. (Those three we used last week should do just fine.)

A second US Election must be held as speedily as possible, so that this – literally – deplorable result can be corrected.

Until this totally undemocratic result has been reversed, friends, those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are still quite a few of us, friends, despite last night’s appalling events – will continually be revolting!

Let us not sing together, friends!

Friends, I am truly sorry, but I am literally not in the mood to sing today, any more than I guess any of you are. So I trust that you will not object if we skip this little tradition, just this once. I am instead going to join with Friend Lily in a crying competition, but will be back on Sunday with a compilation of my Best Tweets [Ha!J.C. Oh Jeremy! Do you really have to make literally snide comments in all my Blogs? – L. Yes. – J.C.] as per usual. Till then, friends, stay strong, and please, I beg you all, do not let Hate trump [Groan! J.C.] Hope.

OptoCushy, Friends!

Friends! In his cartoon, Friend Fenbeagle has superbly caricatured the vicious Hard-Right Leavers, Bullingdon Bully Boy May and the widely-hated Johnson; and illustrated how we in the Remain Camp will be saved by Our George (Soros); Our Impartial High Court Judge, Our Baron Thomas; and Our Gina; along with other Progressive Left elements (not shown for – literally – space reasons), e.g. Our Tim (Farron), Our Polly (Toynbee), and Our Owen (Smith/Jones).

 

I – literally – commend Friend Fenbeagle :).

fenbeagleblog

bondage

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Sunday Selection Of Lefty’s Best Tweets [Ha! – J.C.] Of The Week, 31st October-5th November

Hello, friends.

And a – literally – very warm welcome to you all to my latest Sunday round-up of my very best Tweets [That’s an oxymoron and a half, Lefty! – J.C.  Where does the half come from, Jeremy? – L. Oh, do stop harassing me with all these questions, Lefty! You’re as bad as the Far-Right media! – J.C.] of last week.

Once again, the selection includes a few of my pieces in that Hard-Right racist neoliberal rag, the so-called Guardian. As some people have told me that the links from my Tweets don’t always seem to work, here is a link to my profile there, which will enable you to see any pieces I have written there under my Saveed Miliband nom de plume:

https://profile.theguardian.com/user/id/14081740

Anyway, friends, I trust that you will – literally – enjoy reading these Tweets as much as I – literally – enjoyed writing them!  Here they are, friends:

Monday 31st October

Tuesday 1st November

Wednesday 2nd November

Thursday 3rd November

Friday 4th November

Saturday 5th November

****************************************************

Let us literally sing together, friends!

And that’s literally all for now, friends!  Fear not, though, I’ll be back soon! [Not if I have my way, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! You are such a spoilsport! – L.]  But before I go, let’s not forget to have our little sing-song together!  (Organ, Diane!)  All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Jeremy all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win a General Election landslide,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Zionist Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

Thank Goodness For Our High Court Judges, Eh, Friends! It’s People Like Them Who Have, Literally, Made This Country – Which Thatcher Totally Destroyed – What It Is Today!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you were all as thrilled as I was by the decision of Our High Court yesterday, which was surely the most joyful day for those of us in the Remain Camp since that literally dark day of June 23rd, when a tiny handful of 17,410,742 bigots – who literally represent absolutely nobody but themselves – viciously voted against Our EU!

Thank goodness for Our High Court’s principled stance against Hard-Right Mob Rule, eh friends! We really cannot have incredibly complicated decisions, e.g. on who governs us, to be made by an ignorant rabble of uneducated racists.

Those of us in the Remain Camp are only asking that the final decision to overturn Hard-Right Brexit should be democratically taken by Our MPs, whose unimpeachable integrity and wisdom cannot ever possibly be gainsaid.

Let’s leave important decisions to Our Judges, friends!

Personally – and this is literally my personal view, friends – I think it would actually be much better if the decision to stay in Our EU were to be taken by Our Judges, who being so much wiser and impartial than MPs – who, after all, are often swayed by short-term electoral considerations – could be relied upon to take the correct decision.

But as long as the decision about Our EU is not made by members of the electorate who – as the tragic outcome of June 23rd clearly demonstrated – have an irrational passion for outdated and indeed racist concepts such as “sovereignty” and, even worse, “democracy”, then I will reluctantly acquiesce in Our MPs’ decision to abandon this whole vicious Brexit nonsense, providing they can implement it as speedily as possible.

Otherwise, we, the 48% – who, let it never be forgotten, are the majority (other than in the tiresomely pedantic, mathematical sense) – will have to appeal to Our European Court of Human Rights, to uphold the Human Rights of We, the 48%, to Remain in Our EU, which have been literally trampled underfoot by this totally unelected Tory Government.

LIES, friends!

Why, friends, don’t the Leave Camp now just come clean and admit that all the LIES they told during the Referendum Campaign – which, by the way, they never seem to tire of re-fighting, even though they clearly lost, at least in a strictly moral sense, even if not in a pedantic, number-of-votes sense – were, quite simply, LIES?

Why don’t they admit that, for instance, any immigration controls are inherently racist, and therefore should be abolished?

That it is literally impossible to trade with any country in the world – and indeed elsewhere – without the permission of Our EU Commissioners?

That it is a complete LIE to say that Britain pays *anything* in to the EU Budget, given that – as all leading experts, e.g. me, have conclusively demonstrated – for every £1 that we pay in, we receive at least £1000 back, in terms of economic growth?

That the only people fit to run this so-called country – which Thatcher totally destroyed – are Our EU Commissioners, whose democratic credentials are as impeccable as their honesty and their competence?

A huge MISTAKE, friends!

Let us now all admit, friends, that a huge MISTAKE was made in June by some poor (literally! Uneducated oiks doesn’t even begin to describe them!) deluded racist fools, who simply didn’t understand what they were voting for!

And let us now plead with Our EU for forgiveness, and beg them to allow us to remain as members! And if they are so graceful as to accede to our request, let us then thank them by increasing our current Budget contribution from the current, miserable level of £10 billion/year net – or whatever it is! However much it is, it is far too low! – to something a lot more substantial. Away with Hard-Right Tory Austerity, friends! Let us invest in Our EU!

That, friends, would be the truly fair, democratic and Progressive Left way to proceed, and as such is commended by all leading fair-minded, heavyweight and objective commentators, i.e. me.

Let us sing together, friends!

And now, friends, we come to what I know is the favourite part of this Blog for many of us, e.g. me! [Oi Lefty!  You haven’t even mentioned me today – what’s goin’ on? –J.C.  Jeremy, you are not “goin’ on” for much longer!  (Rather a witty riposte, eh, friends!   And to think that there are Hard-Right elements who claim that we on the Progressive Left have no sense of humour!)L.]

Yes – it’s time to sing our little anthem, suitably amended in light of yesterday’s literally wonderful news!  All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our EU all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and let Our wise pro-EU Judges decide,
Though Kippers flinch, and  anti-Our EU traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Leaver scum, and keep Our EU Flag flying here!
.

A Special Invitation To You, My Readers: Become A SupportOurLefty Member, And Thereby Help To Keep A Leading Voice Of The Progressive Left [Ha! – J.C.] Literally Alive, Friends!

Hello, friends.

Well, today’s Blog is a rather unusual one, friends. As you can see, I am appealing [That’s a questionable claim, to put it mildly, Lefty! – J.C.  Jeremy, I am growing more than a little weary of your literally cheap jokes at my expense! – L.  Ah, but your Blog wouldn’t be the same without them, would it now, Lefty! – J.C. No comment! L.] to you all for your money support to keep this Blog literally afloat, as it is literally in mortal peril from various threats to its very existence, which are so obvious that I hardly need spell them out, so I won’t. [Oh go on, Lefty – I could do with a laugh! – J.C.  Very well, Jeremy, although I must literally beg you to stop interrupting me. Anyone would think that you were trying to literally muscle in on this Blog! – L. No comment! – J.C.]

Literally deadly threats, friends!

Yes, friends, this Blog’s very existence is literally threatened by the following literally deadly threats, viz:

  1. This totally unelected Tory Government, headed by that notoriously Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy, the widely-hated May, who is literally worse than that Hard-Right National Socialist Nazi, Hitler, who, whatever else can be said against him, at least never attempted to literally destroy Britain – which, never let it forgotten, friends, Thatcher totally destroyed – by dint of Far-Right Tory Austerity and Hard-Right Brexit. Which brings me on, neatly enough, to:
  2. Totally illegal Hard-Right Brexit, which is literally the biggest threat to Britain – and indeed the world, and elsewhere – since the aforementioned Hitler burned down the Reichstag, which of course could never happen today, thanks to Our EU’s very strict Health and Safety Regulations which – belittled and mocked by Hard-Right elements as they are – would have strictly forbidden such a dangerous act from being carried out in the first place.
  3. Accelerating and literally deadly Hard-Right Climate Change, which is literally the most terrifying threat to this Earth – and there is only one Earth, friends, apart from all the others – since the widely-hated Reagan literally started World War III, as all those of us on the Progressive Left repeatedly warned that he would do (who says that Progressive Left predictions never come true, eh friends?), with his reckless warmongering and threats against Our USSR Russia in the 1980s.
  4. Trump. Need I say more? [Please don’t, Lefty! – J.C. Very well, Jeremy, if you insist! – L. I do. – J.C.]

 

Questions, friends!

So, how can you become SupportOurLefty Members?  And what are the benefits of become a SOL Member? I can hear you all ask. [Voices in your head again eh, Lefty!  You really are a case! – J.C.  Oh Jeremy, just shut up!L.]

Benefits, friends!

There are many benefits from you becoming SOL Members, friends!  First, I will become a lot richer you will know that you are literally helping to promote the Progressive Left cause, which I know is as dear to your hearts as it is to mine.

Secondly, friends, if you become a Member, you will literally be able to read this Blog for free [Hang on, Lefty – isn’t it free to read anyway?  – J.C.  If you’ll just let me finish my sentence, Jeremy, all will become literally clear! – L.], without feeling guilty that you are literally reading this Blog without literally paying so much as a single penny for the vast amount of work that goes in to it, which has made this Blog literally the envy of the world, and indeed elsewhere. [Ha!J.C.]

Mass debates, friends!

And, friends, as a SOL Member you will be able to literally engage in mass debates [I’d rephrase that if I were you, Lefty! – J.C.  But, Jeremy, you are not me! And in any case, we on the Progressive Left are notorious for our mass-debating abilities! – L.  No comment! – J.C.] with all the Leading Thinkers of the Progressive Left, i.e. me. And lots of other exciting things, which I’ll tell you all about, once you’ve sent me the dosh become a SOL Member.

Best way to donate, friends!

The best way, friends, is to send your donations directly to me, in cash. That way, the hated Hard-Right Tax Authorities will not be able to literally steal any portion of it, in order that the Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May can then viciously waste it all on Hard-Right Tory Austerity, e.g. the totally unnecessary so-called Trident, which is very definitely not the envy of the world, or indeed elsewhere, unlike Our NHS, which Thatcher totally destroyed.

Address, friends!

Please send your donations – no matter how large – to:

The Fund for Distressed Lefty Gentlefolk SupportOurLefty Membership,

Lefty Towers,

Left Bank,

Dorset,

L1Ter ALLY.

Thank you, friends!

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally [Phew! J.C.] I am pleased to announce that, as a way of thanking you all for literally helping to keep this Blog alive with your kind donations, I have re-assembled my Band, who are going to play a number celebrating something that is very dear to my Hard-Right neoliberals’ hearts!

Lineup:

Me:  Synthesiser, Lead Vocals

Jeremy: Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals

John: Little Read Book!  No – only joking, John! Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Diane: Organ, backing vocals

Paul (Mason): Drums and Percussion.

Readers: Please feel free to sing along, friends!  All together now:

Money, get away
Get a Zero-Hours Contract on poverty pay and you’re not O.K.
Money, it literally must be smashed
Vicious Tories grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
No tax paid by the 1%, Banksters’ dream,
Think this song’s literally running out of steam

Money, get back
Neoliberals are all right, Jack, keep the taxman off their stack.
Money, it’s a hit
Don’t give me all that Hard-Right neoliberal bullshit
Jeremy’s sitting on the floor of the vicious Virgin Rail travelling trainset
And must reshuffle the Red Tory Treacherous Shadow Cabinet

Money, it’s a Far-Right crime
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie
Money, so we on the Progressive Left say
Is the root of all evil today
But if we ask for a pay rise it’s no surprise that the Banksters are giving none away