My Piece In The Far-Right Guardian Today, In Which Amongst Other Things I Literally Stab Jeremy In The Back; And Also Suggest A New, Passionately Pro-Our EU, Strongly Progressive-Left, Leader For Labour, But Whose Name, Due To Sheer Modesty, I Cannot Literally Reveal, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And here is my (written under my Saveedmiliband nom de plume) most recent piece written in that notoriously Far-Right rag, the so-called Guardian! It was literally written in response to an article by Polly Toynbee, and as you can see, I have – literally – backed her to the hilt. (There’s a link below this piece to the original article and my comment, along with any replies.)

Hope you – literally – enjoy it, friends:

Labour MPs owe a duty to the country – not Corbyn’s absurd three-line whip

Very well said, Polly. I agree with literally everything you’ve written, whatever it was.

Friends! It cannot be denied that those of us on the Progressive Left – and there are still quite a few of us, friends, despite the tragic passing of so many of Our Celebrities in the past year, e.g. Our Fidel, the People’s Dictator – may have made a literally fatal mistake last summer, when we backed Jeremy against that notoriously Hard-Right Red Tory Traitor, the widely-unknown, widely-hated Owen Jones [It’s Smith, Saveed! J.C. Oh Jeremy! Let us not get bogged down in literally trivial neoliberal pedantry!S.].

Whatever can be said against the hated Jones – or Smith, or whatever his name happens to be – this much can be said in his favour: He is totally, utterly, in favour of Our EU! So much so, in fact, that he is prepared to literally lay down his life in defence of it!

Jeremy, by contrast, hardly seems to care about Our EU at all! And even though he has been a consistent supporter of it ever since he became Leader, I do sometimes get the impression that he secretly would be quite happy if Brexit happened!

Obviously, this cannot possibly be the case. But nonetheless, friends, just ask yourselves one question:

If Our Labour Party will not – literally – stand up for the poor, the vulnerable and the dispossessed in our society, e.g. Our President Juncker – the People’s President, as I like to call him – then what on earth is it for?

Our EU is under attack, friends!

Friends, vicious Hard-Right elements – e.g. George Galloway, Dennis Skinner and Arthur Scargill – claim that Our EU is nothing more than an undemocratic, bureaucratic, corrupt gravy train that is run purely for the benefit of the so-called “elites”, and at the expense of ordinary people, who are denied any say in how it is run!

Nonsense! The merits of the EU are multifarious, as well as being so obvious I hardly need to point them out, so I won’t.

So, friends, I have reluctantly concluded, with a literally heavy heart, that it is now time for Jeremy to stand down, to make way for a new Leader. Who should this new Leader be, I can hear you all ask [Voices in your head, eh, Saveed! You need help! J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be literally silly! That was literally just a figure of speech! S.].

Ideal candidate, friends!

Well, friends, there is one candidate who – literally – fits the bill perfectly! His dedication to the Progressive Left cause is unquestionable, his literary skills are literally second to none, and, above all, his commitment to Our EU is unparalleled. He is popular, widely-loved and charismatic – and ready for the challenge!

I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about, friends! Only sheer modesty prevents me from mentioning his name. He might not have been able to save Ed [Groan!J.C.] or indeed Jeremy, but I am quite confident that he will be able to save the institution that all of us on the Progressive Left now regard as the most precious and important thing of all, even more so than Our NHS:

Namely, Our EU.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jan/31/labour-mps-duty-corbyn-whip-brexit#comment-92239455

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Lefty’s Sunday Selection Of Tweets [I Suppose We Should All Be Grateful That You Are No Longer Saying “Best”, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! I’m Trying To Shorten My Blog Headlines, And Your Unwanted Interjections Are Making That Literally Impossible! – L.], 22nd-29th January

Hello, friends.

And first of all, I thank you all [Ha! J.C. Oh, Jeremy! Is there literally no limit to the depths to which your cynicism literally plumbs? L. Not as far as you’re concerned, Lefty!J.C.] for your – literally – amazing response to my publication of my piece in the Far-Right Guardian, here in this Blog!

As so many people appreciated this [Oh stop it, Lefty! My poor aching sides can’t take much more of this!J.C.], I shall continue with this policy. Plus, I shall – literally – dig out some of my “old hits” there for inclusion in future Blogs. [Recycling even more old crap eh, Lefty! By the way, have you read my recent post here yet? J.C. Oh Jeremy! You can be so – literally – cutting at times!  And no, I haven’t – I’m far too busy at the moment! Fear not, I’ll get round to it before 2017 is literally out! L.]

Anyway, friends, as Jeremy appears determined to disrupt literally every single sentence I write here today [Moan, moan, moan! J.C. I am not “moaning”, Jeremy – I am simply stating a literally little-known unpalatable fact.L.], I shall literally stop here [Phew! J.C.] and list last week’s tweets, viz:

Sunday 22nd January

Monday 23rd January

Tuesday 24th January

Wednesday 25th January

Thanks to Friend Grumpy Old Git for kind permission to reproduce this:

Thursday 26th January

Friday 27th January

Saturday 28th January

Sunday 29th January

*************************************************************

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally, friends, it’s time for our little sing-song together! Friend Dave S. has kindly agreed to – literally – do the honours today, and play the organ for us – thanks, Dave! All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Lefty all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win many consecutive Election landslides,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

A New Service From This Progressive Left Blog For All My Readers [Ha! – J.C.] – My Saveed Miliband Pieces From The Far-Right Guardian, Literally As They Appear, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I am pleased to announce yet another service for you, my readers! From now on, I shall be copying my longer pieces from the Far-Right Guardian, here in this Progressive Left Blog!

Additionally, if this proves popular [Ha! J.C. Oh Jeremy! Why do you always have to be such a literally wet blanket?L.], I shall accompany them with a brief [Oh pull the other one, Lefty! You, brief? Talk about an oxymoron!J.C. I shall not dignify that with a response, Jeremy.L.] comment on the – literally – burning issue of the day.

But because it’s rather late today (in future, I shall publish the piece as soon as it has appeared in the Guardian – this idea only came to me literally in the bath just now), I shall, without further ado, just reproduce the piece as it appeared, earlier today, with a (Twitter) link to the original article/comment, below.

Hope this proves useful, friends! Here – literally – goes!

UK GDP figures show solid end to 2016 despite Brexit vote

Friends! The news that the UK economy grew by 0.6% in the final quarter of 2016 is naturally pretty disappointing to those of us in the Remain Camp – and never let it be forgotten, friends, that we are The 48%, a percentage which is literally growing every day, although admittedly not as quickly as the economy, sadly – who had naturally hoped for a much lower rate of growth, and indeed preferably, an actual shrinkage of the economy.

But, friends, please do not despair! As I literally never tire of pointing out, Brexit has not happened yet! And just because not all – or indeed, any – of the Remain Camp’s predictions of what would happen in the immediate aftermath of a Leave vote – e.g. a sharp downturn in economic activity leading to a sharp rise in unemployment – have come to pass, that doesn’t in any way invalidate our predictions regarding what will happen when we do leave Our EU!

Think of it this way, friends. The fact that the Remain Camp’s predictions have been so impressively and consistently wrong so far, surely just means that our predictions of what will happen when Britain leaves Our EU are almost certain to be correct. We can’t continue to be wrong indefinitely, surely? Just on statistical grounds alone, there must be a very good chance that, after producing such an impressively consistent run of totally incorrect predictions, our predictions of economic Armageddon as a result of Brexit will turn out to be correct.

And when they do indeed turn out to be correct, friends, the joy in the Remain Camp will be boundless! We’ll be able to say – literally – “We told you so!” It will – literally – serve right that tiny handful of 17,410,742 bigoted haters, who only voted Leave because they were taken in by all the LIES of the Leave Camp (anyone remember that firm promise of “£350 trillion extra per hour for Our NHS from 24.6.16 if there’s a vote for Leave! No ifs, not buts!”, emblazoned on the side of that notoriously racist omnibus? Yet another Leave Camp LIE!), and who in any case didn’t know what they were voting for!

So, friends, stay – literally – strong, unlike (hopefully) the British so-called economy – which Thatcher totally destroyed – which will, with just a little bit of luck, soon be collapsing totally, all due to Hard-Right Brexit, which hasn’t happened yet!

*****************************************************************************************

A Hearty Thanks From All Of Us On The Progressive Left – And There Are Still Quite A Few Of Us Left [Groan! – J.C.], Friends, Despite The First (Now Thankfully Overridden) Vote For Brexit, Trump, And The Tragic Passing Of Our Fidel, The People’s Dictator – To Our Supreme Court Judges For Their Supreme [I Totally Despair! – J.C.] Wisdom In Rejecting Hard-Right Brexit In Their Second Referendum On Our EU, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And isn’t the result of today’s Referendum held by Our Supreme Court Judges utterly wonderful, friends?

For those of you who want my detailed, objective psephological analysis of the vote, here – literally – goes:

Our Supreme Court Judges have rejected vicious Hard-Right Brexit by a margin of 8-3 votes – that’s a 72.73% vote in favour of Our EU on a 100% turnout, friends!

This is actually an even better result than the one forecast by the Hard-Right Murdoch-controlled Media, e.g. Our BBC, who predicted a few weeks ago that it would only be a 63.64% vote (7-4) in favour of Our EU!  This strongly increased majority since then plainly indicates a massive swing in popular opinion towards our EU!

For those of us on the Progressive Left, this is surely the happiest day for us since that literally dark day of 23rd June last year, when a tiny handful of 17,410,742 Hard-Right bigots and racists – who, let it never be forgotten, friends, represent absolutely nobody but themselves – viciously voted against Our EU!

TWO Referendums in favour of Our EU, friends!

Since that literally dark day, however, we have now had a further two Referendums of Our Judges – the first one being, as you may remember, back in November, which was objectively reported here – and both of which have provided heavy majorities in favour of Remain. Indeed, the first Referendum, held on 3rd November, resulted in a 100% – yes, you didn’t misread that, friends, 100%! – vote (3-0) in favour of Our EU, also on a 100% turnout.

This second Referendum has, admittedly, not provided quite such a large majority for Our EU – but there were doubtless a few Hard-Right racist bigots amongst Our Judges this time, who’d been reading rather too much of the Daily Mail recently!  (As an aside, friends, isn’t a relief to know that literally nobody reads that particular Far-Right racist rag any more, apart from a few million bigoted people who’ve been totally brainwashed by its predictable LIES!)

100% turnout, friends!

Nonetheless, today’s Referendum, like last November’s one, also achieved a 100% turnout, which really puts – literally – in to context last June’s so-called Referendum, in which the turnout was a pathetic, paltry 72.2%!

Friends, we have now had three Referendums on Our EU since last June, and the most recent two have both delivered – literally – crushing majorities in favour of Our EU. May I suggest, with all the due humility that those of us on the Progressive Left are justly notorious for, that the result of this latest Referendum be respected?

Is it really too much to hope for, friends, that the Hard-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May and this totally unelected Tory Government now listen to the democratic will of the people – expressed so eloquently through their democratically unelected representatives, namely Our Judges – and abandons Brexit, literally full-stop?

Isn’t it time for the viciously Hard-Right, racist Leave Camp to finally – literally – throw in the towel, and concede defeat? Especially given that we now know that all their LIES uttered during the first Referendum campaign – do you remember them, friends? “£350 billion extra every single day for Our NHS from 24.6.16 if there’s a vote for Leave! No ifs, no buts!” emblazoned on a Hard-Right omnibus of distinctly racist and reactionary tendencies – were an outrageous LIE, friends!

Puzzled, friends!

One thing does puzzle me, friends. Ever since the Supreme Court Referendum result was announced, Jeremy’s mood has taken a distinct turn for the worse! I’ve been trying to cheer him up, e.g. by repeatedly telling him that the result of this latest Referendum may encourage Labour MPs to vote against activating Article 50, but if anything, this just seemed to depress him still further. What could be – literally – eating him, do you think, friends?  And how can I – literally – lift his mood, do you think? [Well, you could try reading my last post here on your Blog, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Sorry, I keep forgetting about that! I’m just so busy at the moment! Fear not, though, I’ll take a look some time in the next few months!L.]

Let us sing together, friends!

Anyway, friends, it’s time for our little sing-song together! And to celebrate the result of today’s Referendum, let us sing my specially adapted version of an “old classic”, which was last performed here back in December. It’s the real thing [Groan!J.C.] to get us all – literally – going, and I have even assembled a new Band to perform it!

Lineup: 

Tiny Tom Fallon: Lead Vocals, Lead Guitar

Our Gina: Loadsa Money, Backing Vocals, Rhythm Guitar

Dame Anna Sobriety: Backing Vocals, Bass Shandy [With plenty of gin, please! Hic! A.S.]

Our Supreme Court Judges: Harmony Vocals, Brexit Blockers

Kenny Clarke: Drums and Cigars

Readers: Please feel free to – literally – sing along, friends!  All together now:

I would – literally – take the stars
Out of the sky for Our EU
Stop the rain from falling
If Our EU asked me to.
I’d do anything for Our EU
Its wish is my command
I could literally move a mountain when
Our EU’s grant is in my hand.
Words cannot express
How much Our EU means to me
There must be some other way
To make you Far-Right bigots see
If it takes endless Budget contributions
You know you’d – literally – pay the price
Literally everything that you possess
I’d gladly sacrifice.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby
To Our EU I guess
The UK is just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby.
You give me just
A taste of Single Market access to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power 
To keep the UK stayin’ in
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby.
Though Our EU is close to me
We seem so far apart
Maybe given time
The UK’ll have a change of heart
If it takes a few more Supreme Court Judgements then
I’m prepared to wait
The day we give our sovereignty to Our EU
Won’t be a day too late.
Oh EU to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh Jean Claude baby, oh baby.
To Our EU I guess
The UK’s just a clown
Which picks you up
Each time you’re down
Oh baby, oh baby
EU gives me just
A taste of bureaucracy to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power boys
To keep UK stayin’ in.
So now you got
The best of May
Come on and
Take the rest of May
Oh Jean Claude baby

Lefty’s Sunday Selection Of Tweets [Glad You Didn’t Say “Best”, Lefty! – J.C. Well, I Was Hoping, Jeremy, That By Omitting That Particular Word You Might, Just For Once, Stop Literally Butting-In To My Blog Headline, Which As You Know I Try To Keep As Brief As Possible. – L. No Comment! – J.C.], 15th-22nd January

Hello, friends.

And before I list last week’s tweets … it seems there’s been quite a – literally – kerfuffle over the past few days concerning a post that Jeremy wrote for this Blog the other day!

Rather a lot of you have been asking me what I think about it! Indeed, many of you seem to be really rather anxious to hear my opinions! So I guess I’d better – literally – come clean here!

Confession time, friends!

I have to confess, friends, that I have not actually read Jeremy’s post! I’ve been – literally – up to my eyes in other matters – e.g. all my Mass Marches Against Trump, attended by myself – and I simply haven’t had the time!

Boring, friends!

To be quite honest, friends, I do find Jeremy’s prose style a little – sorry, Jeremy, but it simply must be said – flat! Not exactly boring, but not quite the lively, colourful prose that this Blog prides itself on.

Furthermore, friends, I gather that Jeremy’s piece included references to legal matters, and I have to tell you that I – literally – have no time for lawyers, other than, of course, when it’s Our Supreme Court Judges democratically voting down Brexit, as we all know they’ll be doing on Tuesday at 9.30am! (I – literally – can’t wait, friends!)

Running a Blog like this, which is of no small importance [No importance at all, in fact, Lefty! – J.C. Oh hello, Jeremy! I was wondering when you’d literally pop up here, like a Hard-Right cat out of the bag that’s literally taken the biscuit, and reached for the smelling salts in the bare cupboard!L.] is actually quite a time-consuming business, friends!

Research, friends!

Not everyone realises how long, for example, it takes me to do all the necessary research for my pieces, and to find solid sources – and we on the Progressive Left always believe in using solid sources, friends, unlike Hard-Right elements who believe all the LIES they read in neoliberal, racist rags, e.g. the Far-Right Guardian – so that all my Blogs can be of the kind of standard that all of you Readers have come to expect from me. [Ha! – J.C.]

But fear not, friends! As it seems so many of you appear to believe that I should read Jeremy’s piece, I promise you I shall do so! To be honest, it’s not something I am greatly looking forward to doing, for the reasons mentioned above, but I shall – literally – take a gander at it some time during the next week or two.

Anyway, friends, enough of all this – literally – gay banter! Here are last week’s Tweets:

Sunday 15th January

Monday 16th January

Tuesday 17th January

Wednesday 18th January

Thanks to Friend DiscoDroid for kind permission to use this, which I retweeted:

Thursday 19th January

Friday 20th January

Saturday 21st January

Sunday 22nd January

*******************************************

Let us sing together against Trump, friends!

And now, friends, what I know is for many of you the favourite part of this Blog [Indeed, Lefty – because it means you’ll soon shut up! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Is that literally snide remark all you can say, after all I’ve literally done for you? – L. Yes. J.C.].

So today, in commemoration of the literally tens of billions of Our Women who yesterday literally sacrificed their lives, as well as their sanity, in their Mass March Against The Hard-Right, literally Fascist Trump, let us sing together!

And what could be a more fitting tribute to them – a celebration, indeed – than my specially adapted version of yet another old – literally – chestnut? Let us now, very quietly, and with the great dignity that This Great Movement Of Ours is justly notorious for, sing, at the top of our voices, it! [Not a very good sentence construction there, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Why do you always have to butt in at such a sensitive moment, like a bad penny that’s just turned up its toes at a Hard-Right vicarage tea party?L.]

Who’s going to play the organ today? Friend Archbishop? Ah, thanks, Archie! OK, all together now, friends:

We shall overcome Trump,
We shall overcome Trump,
We shall overcome Trump, some day (2024  at the latest).

Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We shall literally march against him,
We shall literally march against him,
We shall smash vicious Hard-Right Trumpery, some day.
.
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We shall literally smash Hard-Right neoliberalism,
We shall totally destroy racist Fascism,
We shall smash Far-Right intolerance, some day.
.
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall – literally – overcome Trump, some day.
.
We are not afraid to march literally everywhere,
We are not afraid to defy the Hard-Right CNN ,
We are not afraid, TODAY.

Formal notice of closure of blog

Hello to everyone who reads this blog – it’s Jeremy Corbyn here. I hate to intrude, as plainly some of you are having a bit of fun here, but I have something important to tell you all.

Some of you may remember my announcement here, just over four months ago, to the effect that – and I quote my exact words – “I have had no choice but to relieve Lefty of his position as Chief Staff Writer for this Blog.”

In it, I explained in quite some detail the reasons behind this decision, which was not taken lightly, and indeed even with some regret. I do not wish to go over all this old ground again, especially as it’s a matter of public record that Lefty’s position had become untenable.

Naturally, after making this announcement, I supposed that Lefty would desist from writing here – especially as he was given a generous severance package, which many would consider over-generous, considering the circumstances of his departure, which for legal reasons I cannot go in to here, but which, believe me, were pretty damning.

Imagine, therefore, my surprise to discover the other day, that far from following the agreement to desist from continuing the blog, Lefty has continued much as before, and indeed even worse, as I see now that he regards regurgitating some distinctly oddball-sounding Tweets on a weekly basis, along with some ridiculous “game” concerning pop song titles, as an acceptable alternative to producing a serious blog aimed at working people in general, and the Labour movement in particular.

The fact that he is no longer being paid for his output is, frankly, neither here or there. An agreement was made, and it has not been honoured. I regard this as a pretty serious breach of faith.

I therefore have had no alternative but to take recourse to the law. I have applied to the High Courts for an injunction to be taken out against Lefty, which will forbid him from writing any more blog posts here. This will take effect immediately, and so you can expect to hear no more from him, at least so far as this blog is concerned.

Naturally, I regret having had to take what some of you may regard as a somewhat drastic step, but Lefty’s flagrant disregard of our previous agreement left me – to use one of his favourite words – literally no alternative.

The future

I have now decided, following extensive consultations with colleagues, that there is really no future for this blog, even now that Lefty has finally been removed from any role in it. Its reputation has been so badly tarnished by Lefty’s irresponsible and wayward behaviour that, if the Labour movement should decide at some point in the future to start a new blog, it would be better for this to be done from scratch.

I am naturally sorry if any of you are disappointed by this decision, but hope you will understand the reasons for it.

Best wishes,

J.C.

Lefty’s Sunday Selection Of Literally Best Tweets [I’m Literally Speechless, Lefty! – J.C. That’s Hardly My Fault, Jeremy! You Shouldn’t Have Sacked Your Speechwriter! – L. Groan! – J.C.], 8th-15th January

Hello, friends.

And first of all, a – literally – big Thank You to all of you who contributed to Lefty’s Literally Best-Ever Song Titles Game!  We can all be truly proud of the sheer number of “literally’s” that, by working together – and we on the Progressive Left always work together, friends, unlike Hard-Right elements, e.g. Blair, who prefer war, poverty and Foodbanks – we have managed to literally insert in to so many popular song titles!

The Game remains open to anyone who wishes to contribute [No fear!J.C. Oh Jeremy! There’s nothing to fear! Everyone I know here, and indeed on the Far-Right Twitter, are new, kinder and gentler people, unlike the literally vicious Tories!  – L.], and I have, in a literally generous fit of literal generosity, decided to award a prize of a personally rubber-stamped signed copy of Lefty’s Little Read Book Of Literally Literary Delights to every single contributor!

Details, friends!

Yes, friends, a – literally – FREE prize to every single contributor! It’s literally unbelievable, isn’t it? But that’s – literally – the Progressive Left Way!

Simply fill in the form at the bottom of this Blog and send it, together with a small handling charge fee (£50), to the following address:

Lefty’s Scam – literally – FREE Book Offer,

Lefty Towers,

Left Bank,

Dorset. L1T TRAL1

and Lefty’s Book will literally be in your hands before you literally know it!

Tweets, friends!

Anyway, friends, enough of this literally gay banter! Let’s get on with the main purpose of this Blog [Question, Lefty!J.C. Yes, Jeremy – literally fire away!L. Has this Blog really got any purpose at all, other than your own self-aggrandisement?J.C. Oh, Jeremy! You can be so – literally – bitchy  at times!L.] and list last week’s Tweets:

Sunday 8th January

Monday 9th January

Tuesday 10th January

Wednesday 11th January

Thursday 12th January

Friday 13th January

Saturday 14th January

Sunday 15th January

****************************************************

Let us sing together, friends!

And finally [Phew!J.C.] it’s time for our little sing-song together, friends! And how about a – literally – specially adapted version of my already-adapted version of that musical and lyrical classic, Our Red Flag? (Friend Singer – could you stop writing literally Hard-Right comments here for literally just one minute, and literally take a hand at the organ? Thanks!) All together now, friends:

So – literally – raise the scarlet standard high,
whilst literally supporting Our Lefty all the time.
Beneath its shade we’ll literally live and die,
and literally win many consecutive Election landslides.
Though the Banksters and the 1% literally flinch,
and literally Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the literally evil Tory scum,
and keep the Red Flag literally flying here!

 

Lefty’s Literally Best-Ever Songs Title Game Is Officially “On”, Friends! Please Join With Me In – Literally – Inserting The Word “Literally” In To – Literally – As Many Song Titles As You Can Literally Think Of, As The Number Of Song Titles With “Literally” In Them Is – Literally – Scandalously Miniscule, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And as you may have shrewdly inferred from the title of this Blog, I am more than a little disturbed [You said it, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Please quit making literally cheap jokes at my expense!L.] at the sheer lack of songs in this Hard-Right world – and indeed elsewhere – that contain that literally favourite word of mine, i.e. – literally – “literally”!

And so, to help rectify this literally deplorable state of affairs, I am pleased and proud to announce that I am today – literally – launching Lefty’s Literally Best-Ever Song Titles Game, simultaneously – literally in stereo, friends! – here on the racist neoliberal Hard-Right WordPress, as well as on the Far-Right neoliberal racist Twitter!

Rules, friends!

Rules are strictly – and indeed literally –  for tiresome Hard-Right pedants, friends! But here are some Guidelines:

  1. Insert the word “literally” in to song titles, but only if it makes sense. For instance, I Want To Literally Hold Your Hand is fine, whereas, e.g., Literally Michelle – literally – ain’t much good. (But see Rule Guideline 5, which shows a way of getting round the problem with the latter type of song.)
  2. “Literally” can be used literally as many times as you want within any song title, if it works – e.g. Literally Everything She Literally Does Is Literally Magic.
  3. “Literally” can be placed in different places in the same song, e.g. you could have a variant of the example in 1., viz I Literally Want to Hold Your Hand. Or, going on from the example in 2., you could have I Literally Want to Literally Hold Your Hand.
  4. Using dashes (or, indeed, any kind of punctuation) for added impact is also fine, e.g. We Are – Literally – The Champions, as opposed to We Are Literally The Champions. Or even a mixture of the two, and indeed following on from point 2, We Are Literally The – Literally – Champions.
  5. I am going to let you all – literally – “cheat” a bit, friends! Some song titles really aren’t – literally – capable of incorporating “literally”, so to expand the number of possible songs in this game, you may use a line from the song, provided the line includes the song title in it. For instance, ELO’s Livin’ Thing is not really a suitable title for adding “literally” to; but there are lines in it in which “literally” would literally go very well, e.g. “It’s a – literally –  livin’ thing! It’s a – literally – terrible thing to lose!”. 
  6. Giving the artist’s name would be helpful, as one person’s famous song is another’s obscure number! But for anyone having to work within the Far-Right Twitter’s vicious 140-character limit, this Rule Guideline is generously waived, if necessary.
  7. If the artist’s name is used, “Literally” may also be used in their name when it works, e.g. Literally The Police: Don’t Literally Stand So Literally Close To Me.
  8. Any kind of song is permitted! (The lack of “literally’s” in songs is not literally confined to Far-Right pop songs, friends!) For instance, Hard-Right Classical Music fans are also encouraged to contribute, e.g. the viciously militaristic and imperialistic I Am – Literally – The Model Of A Modern Major General, or indeed, A Policeman’s Lot Is – Literally – Not A Happy One.
  9. Album titles may also be used, e.g. Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Literally Here, or Genesis’s The Lamb Literally Lies Down on Broadway .
  10. There is no point 10, friends. [There doesn’t seem to be any point to this whole bloody thing, Lefty! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Stop being such a literally damp squib!L.]
  11. It will not be assumed that using any particular song in this game means endorsement of it. For instance, I would not want anyone to think that, were I suddenly to literally blurt out You’re – Literally – Beautiful, this meant I was literally a fan of the Hard-Right Blunt. [Who’s Blunt, Lefty? Is he on our List Of Far-Right Red Tory Traitors For Deselection? – J.C. I’ll explain later, Jeremy. Am rather busy at the moment.L.]
  12. Feel free to re-use any of the examples given here if you wish, but obviously they will not be eligible for the prize (see below).
  13. Anyone breaking any of the above Rules Guidelines, especially Rule Guideline 10, will be – literally – shot. (Only – literally – joking, friends!)

Prizes, friends!

The person who, in my – literally – totally impartial opinion, makes the best contribution(s) will win a free copy of my forthcoming tome, Lefty’s Literally Little Read Book Of Literally Literary Delights, personally rubber-stamped signed by Yours Truly.

My decision will be – literally – final. No appeal against it will be allowed, as the last thing this Blog needs is a whole load of literally appealing people, literally appealing against it.

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Let us literally *not* sing together, friends!

Friends, time is – literally – of the essence! We need to get this game – literally – off the ground as soon as possible!  So, if you’ll forgive me – and indeed, even if you literally won’t – let us literally skip our traditional sing-song today, and instead – literally – get down to the business of doing what this Blog has today set out to do, whatever it is (I have to confess, friends, that I have – literally – forgotten! My memory is – literally – not very good!).

So, friends, let’s – literally – get going!

Lefty’s Sunday Selection Of Best Tweets [Really, Lefty! I Don’t Know How You Can Have The Brazen Effrontery To Make Such A Preposterous Claim! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! I Am Growing More Than A Little Weary Of Your Literally Snide Put-Downs, Especially The Ones That Appear In What Is Supposed To Be A Brief Blog Headline! – L.], 1st-8th January

Hello, friends.

And a – literally – very warm welcome to you on this rather mild January morning, which is one of the many literally disastrous results of Hard-Right Climate Change, which in turn well over 100% of all respected Climate Scientists – e.g. me – have now agreed has – literally – nothing to do with weather.

And before I go on [And on! And on! And on! – J.C. Oh hello, Jeremy! Once again, I see that you cannot resist – literally – popping up here to take a – literally – few potshots at me!  Do you get some sort of sick, twisted and perverted kick out of literally dragging my reputation through the gutter, in full sight of my readers? – L. Yes. – J.C.] to list last week’s best Tweets [Ha!J.C.], a little reminder!

Lefty’s Literally Best-Ever Song Titles Game is – literally – coming to a Hard-Right town near you, friends! And sooner than you – literally – think!

Yes, friends, only a few days now until the launch of this – literally – world-changing game! I was originally planning for this to be on Wednesday (11th January), until I realised that is the day that the spotlight will be – literally – falling on Jeremy [CRASH! – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Don’t be so literally literal-minded!L.], with his first PMQs of 2017 against the widely-hated Bullingdon Bully Boy May, in which – to quote the widely-hated, widely-unknown, Far-Right Owen Jones [Sic!J.C.] – he will literally smash her back on her kitten heels, as part of the new, kinder and gentler politics.

Game on [Groan!J.C.] Thursday, friends!

So the Game will be launched this Thursday (12th January) instead, friends! Be there, or there will be – literally – consequences, the consequences [Groan!J.C.] of which will be so immeasurable that I – literally – won’t even bother to measure them.

Anyway, friends, here are last week’s Hard-Right Tweets [Some mistake, surely, Lefty? – J.C. Oh Jeremy! Can’t you – literally – take a joke? – L. No. – J.C.], which I hope you’ll enjoy:

Sunday 1st January

Monday 2nd January

Tuesday 3rd January

Wednesday 4th January

Thursday 5th January

Friday 6th January

Saturday 7th January

Sunday 8th January

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Let us sing together, friends!

And, friends, I am pleased to announce that, thanks to a special grant of £30,000 from Our EU, I am able to reinstate our little sing-song together, which as regular listeners know was a recent victim of Hard-Right Tory Austerity.

No conditions are attached to this financial help, which in any case will not in any way affect this Blog’s unconditional and totally impartial support of Our EU.

So – who’ll play the organ today? How about one of our “new arrivals”? Friend Cheryl? Thanks! All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Lefty all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win many consecutive Election landslides,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!

 

Answers To Lefty’s – Literally – Bumper Winterval Season Quiz, Friends!

Hello, friends.

And I expect that you are all waiting with – literally – bated breath for the answers to my now long-established Christmas Winterval Season Quiz, which older readers will doubtless recall goes back all the way to those far-off days of 1896, when many of you were – literally – young Earthlings!

Anyway, the good news is that the wait is now – literally – over!

The Questions will, as usual, be published next Christmas Winterval.

Prizes, friends!

Anyone who guesses all 30 Questions correctly will win a copy of my forthcoming tome, Lefty’s Little Read Book Of Literally Literary Delights, personally rubber-stamped signed by Yours Truly.

Answers, friends!

Here are the answers, friends:

  1. Keith Vaz. 8 inches.
  2. Trump, Thatcher and Farage. None of the others are literally Fascists.
  3. (c) because it isn’t literally a Hate Crime.
  4. Neil Hamilton. None of the others would be able to get away with it.
  5. If you can see this answer, I regret to tell you that your computer has been – literally – hacked.
  6. The Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May.
  7. Educashun.
  8. This was a trick question, friends! Bet you all thought it was Gary Lineker, but you made the mistake of thinking that because he fell in to category (iv) he would automatically need a brain transplant. It was actually David Lammy.
  9. There is literally no Question 9, friends.
  10. Because all non-voters are Labour supporters and Remainers.
  11. It was in the Far-Right neoliberal racist Guardian.
  12. Along with Our NHS, it is literally the Envy of the World, and indeed elsewhere.
  13. “Our friends in Hezbollah and Hamas”, which was taken totally out of context.
  14. (i) Hard-Right Climate Change, which is literally destroying the world, and indeed elsewhere. (ii) Settled. (iii) Well over 100% of all Scientists.
  15. Because it’s – literally – totally unelected.
  16. (e) Tim Farron. All the others are well-known.
  17. Our Hillary. Over 30 billion votes at latest count, and still – literally – rising.
  18. Caused by Hard-Right Brexit.
  19. They’re all children. (Average age less than 36.)
  20. He’s a total nutter (because Hard-Right), hence his name.
  21. (i) Literally £350 billion/day for our NHS – a Hard-Right Leaver LIE. (ii) On the side of a LYING Far-Right omnibus of distinctly racist tendencies.
  22. The Fascist Daily Fail, because it’s – literally – failing, and is – literally – Fascist.
  23. Our Baroness Shami’s report proved there was – literally – none.
  24. She first denied it existed, and then – literally – destroyed it.
  25. (a) KFC bucket. (b) Islington High Street.
  26. Because 48 is – literally – more than 52.
  27. They are all – literally – worse than Hitler.
  28. The Far-Right racist neoliberal Obama, formerly Our Obama.
  29. It was an anagram: Jeremy Corbyn and Fidel Castro.
  30. The vicious Exit Poll, along with Ed Miliband’s Far-Right racist neoliberalism.

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Let us sing together, friends!

And now it’s time for our little sing-song together! And, talking of songs, I have an exciting Song Titles Game which I am planning to – literally – launch simultaneously on the Hard-Right Twitter and the Far-Right WordPress in the – literally – near future! I do hope you’ll all – literally – join in, friends, as this will be – literally – the best Song Titles Game Ever! [I see your sense of self-importance hasn’t been in any way diminished in the New Year, Lefty! – J.C. Jeremy, I am growing more than a little weary of your constant sniping from the – literally – gutter! Kindly decease! – L. “Desist”, surely, Lefty? You wouldn’t want me to, to use one of your favourite words – literally – pass away, now would you? After all, where would you and your Blog be if I weren’t here? – J.C. No comment! – L.]

Anyway, friends, enough of all this – literally – gay banter! Are you ready? (Friend Dave S. – can you – literally – take a turn at the organ today? Thanks!) All together now, friends:

So raise the scarlet standard high, whilst supporting Our Lefty* all the time,
Beneath its shade we’ll live and die, and win many consecutive Election landslides,
Though the Banksters and the 1% flinch, and Red Tory traitors predictably sneer,
We’ll totally smash the evil Tory scum, and keep the Red Flag flying here!
.
[*Oi Lefty! What about me? – J.C.  Oh Jeremy!  You are – literally – in the past now!L.]