Hello, friends.
And I expect that you are all waiting with – literally – bated breath for the answers to my now long-established Christmas Winterval Season Quiz, which older readers will doubtless recall goes back all the way to those far-off days of 1896, when many of you were – literally – young Earthlings!
Anyway, the good news is that the wait is now – literally – over!
The Questions will, as usual, be published next Christmas Winterval.
Prizes, friends!
Anyone who guesses all 30 Questions correctly will win a copy of my forthcoming tome, Lefty’s Little Read Book Of Literally Literary Delights, personally rubber-stamped signed by Yours Truly.
Answers, friends!
Here are the answers, friends:
- Keith Vaz. 8 inches.
- Trump, Thatcher and Farage. None of the others are literally Fascists.
- (c) because it isn’t literally a Hate Crime.
- Neil Hamilton. None of the others would be able to get away with it.
- If you can see this answer, I regret to tell you that your computer has been – literally – hacked.
- The Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May.
- Educashun.
- This was a trick question, friends! Bet you all thought it was Gary Lineker, but you made the mistake of thinking that because he fell in to category (iv) he would automatically need a brain transplant. It was actually David Lammy.
- There is literally no Question 9, friends.
- Because all non-voters are Labour supporters and Remainers.
- It was in the Far-Right neoliberal racist Guardian.
- Along with Our NHS, it is literally the Envy of the World, and indeed elsewhere.
- “Our friends in Hezbollah and Hamas”, which was taken totally out of context.
- (i) Hard-Right Climate Change, which is literally destroying the world, and indeed elsewhere. (ii) Settled. (iii) Well over 100% of all Scientists.
- Because it’s – literally – totally unelected.
- (e) Tim Farron. All the others are well-known.
- Our Hillary. Over 30 billion votes at latest count, and still – literally – rising.
- Caused by Hard-Right Brexit.
- They’re all children. (Average age less than 36.)
- He’s a total nutter (because Hard-Right), hence his name.
- (i) Literally £350 billion/day for our NHS – a Hard-Right Leaver LIE. (ii) On the side of a LYING Far-Right omnibus of distinctly racist tendencies.
- The Fascist Daily Fail, because it’s – literally – failing, and is – literally – Fascist.
- Our Baroness Shami’s report proved there was – literally – none.
- She first denied it existed, and then – literally – destroyed it.
- (a) KFC bucket. (b) Islington High Street.
- Because 48 is – literally – more than 52.
- They are all – literally – worse than Hitler.
- The Far-Right racist neoliberal Obama, formerly Our Obama.
- It was an anagram: Jeremy Corbyn and Fidel Castro.
- The vicious Exit Poll, along with Ed Miliband’s Far-Right racist neoliberalism.
************************************************************
Let us sing together, friends!
And now it’s time for our little sing-song together! And, talking of songs, I have an exciting Song Titles Game which I am planning to – literally – launch simultaneously on the Hard-Right Twitter and the Far-Right WordPress in the – literally – near future! I do hope you’ll all – literally – join in, friends, as this will be – literally – the best Song Titles Game Ever! [I see your sense of self-importance hasn’t been in any way diminished in the New Year, Lefty! – J.C. Jeremy, I am growing more than a little weary of your constant sniping from the – literally – gutter! Kindly decease! – L. “Desist”, surely, Lefty? You wouldn’t want me to, to use one of your favourite words – literally – pass away, now would you? After all, where would you and your Blog be if I weren’t here? – J.C. No comment! – L.]
Anyway, friends, enough of all this – literally – gay banter! Are you ready? (Friend Dave S. – can you – literally – take a turn at the organ today? Thanks!) All together now, friends:
SupportOurLefty 
Greetings my ecclesiastical choir boy of Eternal Fraternal Felicianos…like Felicitations, but done in dark glasses and a sinister yet mesmeric chord progression and virtuousities.
Will comment of the Communistical Quiz 2017, which-before I`ve even done it-is BOUND to be THE word an all that pertained and mattered in 2016-but felt(as a concerned stasi-snooping kinda prelate) that I would have to discloes that one JIM VICKERS has infiltrated your wondrous critique of that new lefty wunderkind of economical events-William Keegan, the Oracle of Orifice, Farringdon Road, EC1(no-one told him that they`ve moved from Saffron Hill, poor scrote).
Do you want me to send the honey trappers round to compromise Big Jim?…I sense an Ernie/Two Ton Tex from Teddington inbroglio coming us if we do not snuff out the deviationists and those of false consciousness.
Now i`m not one to snitch, to gossip-but the hand of history is on my shoulder and sneaking downwards-so I`m sensing a Rasputin-like vibe going on, and wish to enter historys enconium at the start of this Centenary of Wonder 1917.
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Brilliant Quiz, SOL.
Can I add a late one?
Question Nine.
Answer-no, that is literally exactly what Murdochs Fascist Junta would EXPECT you to say. It was ANDREW RIDGELY that was the talented one from the Stakhanovitch Brothers-and YOU must now go to the wall and be shot for being so gulled by the Fascist Media in thrall to the Forces of Reaction…tatty bye, everybody…tatty bye!
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Dearest Friend Lefty, I am pleased to humbly submit my questions to your answers below. It took a while, but as everyone else seems to be back at work today in the Hard Right oppressive Tory Dictatorship of Engerlund, whilst we freedom loving centre left Scots bask in the warm glow of a multi-day hangover, I felt I would fill in a few moments to kill some time. I hope my submission is the best of the many (any?) you will receive and – literally – await my prize.
1. If your washing machine shrinks your mankini, who should you call to get it fixed, and how much shrinkage is normally acceptable in the pouch?
Keith Vaz. 8 inches.
2. Which of the following Hard Right icons should you have over for tea. Tony Blair, Donald Trump, Barak Obama, Margaret Thatcher, Karl Marx and Nigel Farage?
Trump, Thatcher and Farage. None of the others are literally Fascists.
3. Which of the following should you never discuss with your parole officer: (a) Voting for Brexit (b) Mentioning that you think Israel has a right to exist (c) Suggesting that Global Warming may not be caused by human activity.
(c) because it isn’t literally a Hate Crime.
4. Which former MP should you get to whitewash your corrupt practices?
Neil Hamilton. None of the others would be able to get away with it.
5. For how many years have you been in the employ of the FSB?
If you can see this answer, I regret to tell you that your computer has been – literally – hacked.
6. Who has – literally – never f*cked a pig while at university?
The Far-Right Bullingdon Bully Boy May.
7. What do all Remain voters possess in abundance?
Educashun.
8. What category of star on the Hertzsprung-Russell diagram is likely to move off the main sequence in under 10^7 years?
This was a trick question, friends! Bet you all thought it was Gary Lineker, but you made the mistake of thinking that because he fell in to category (iv) he would automatically need a brain transplant. It was actually David Lammy.
9 * i What would be the number of this question if it was purely an imaginary question number?
There is literally no Question 9, friends.
10. How come Labour are – literally – so shit and nothing good ever happens any more?
Because all non-voters are Labour supporters and Remainers.
11. Has anyone seen where my fish and chips are?
It was in the Far-Right neoliberal racist Guardian.
12. What, along with our nationalised coal and railways is the greatest thing the human race has ever achieved?
Along with Our NHS, it is literally the Envy of the World, and indeed elsewhere.
13. When Jeremy said what, along with “Destroy Israel and kill all the Jews Zionists“, what was he referring to?
“Our friends in Hezbollah and Hamas”, which was taken totally out of context.
14. Why do all my donuts look like Fanny’s?
(i) Hard-Right Climate Change, which is literally destroying the world, and indeed elsewhere. (ii) Settled. (iii) Well over 100% of all Scientists.
15. Why should we always do what the European Commission tells us to do?
Because it’s – literally – totally unelected.
16. Who are the world’s biggest losers (a) Adolf Hitler (b) Barak Obama (c) The citizens of every Islamic State (d) The Scotland football team (e) Tim Farron?
(e) Tim Farron. All the others are well-known.
17 Who is the greatest winner of the Eurovision Song Contest and how many voted for her?
Our Hillary. Over 30 billion votes at latest count, and still – literally – rising.
18. Why do men find it more difficult to get an erection when they get old?
Caused by Hard-Right Brexit.
19. What characteristic do Gillette’s largest users of their razors have in common?
They’re all children. (Average age less than 36.)
20. Why did Paul Nuttall’s mum and dad call him Nuttall?
He’s a total nutter (because Hard-Right), hence his name.
21. Give two reasons why the Brexiteers are not as nice and cuddly as we Remainers?
(i) Literally £350 billion/day for our NHS – a Hard-Right Leaver LIE. (ii) On the side of a LYING Far-Right omnibus of distinctly racist tendencies.
22. Which icon of the Far Right (apart form the fascist Hard Right Guardian) is most likely to lose all its readers to the booming Independent?
The Fascist Daily Fail, because it’s – literally – failing, and is – literally – Fascist.
23. Why are there – literally – no Jews left in Labour in spite of Labour’s generous plans to provide free camps accommodation for them all?
Our Baroness Shami’s report proved there was – literally – none.
24. What did Diane Abbot do with entire stock of the Islington branch of KFC?
She first denied it existed, and then – literally – destroyed it.
25. How did she manage 24 above and where did the crime happen?
(a) KFC bucket. (b) Islington High Street.
26. Why does progressive mean going backwards?
Because 48 is – literally – more than 52.
27. What is bad about the following – Brexit, Israel, Maggie Thatcher, Tony Blair?
They are all – literally – worse than Hitler.
28. Which US president has just been listed in the Guinness Book of Lies as the most mendacious, lowest achieving politician in history?
The Far-Right racist neoliberal Obama, formerly Our Obama.
29. What does “Rejections dryly fear comb” mean?
It was an anagram: Jeremy Corbyn and Fidel Castro.
30. How has the UK ended up as a Nazi state?
The vicious Exit Poll, along with Ed Miliband’s Far-Right racist neoliberalism.
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Son of Casandra. How very, very presumptuous of you, giving the questions for the 2018 quiz. Strange that they almost perfectly fit Lefties 2017 quiz answers. Dega vu or vuga de? I need another Creme de Menthe to quell the temporal nausea this website often causes, never more so than after the combined Winterval and Hog-many festivities. What happened to Diana, all knowing one?
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Surely THIS breach of all protocols requires a FULL judicial enquiry!
How can ANY of us trust the results of this quiz, if SOLs Maniframe has been hacked.
Doubtless by Zac Goldsmiths Tartan Terrors…it was all a ruse you know to get us set for the Turquoise Reign of -quite literally-the biggest threat to world socialism that any of us have yet to face.
Show trial now-and a full confession with a weeping leader , loading the spud gun for a final enhancement for all counter revolutionaries.
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Son of Cassandra. You poor, poor sod. You’re going to get that damned book!
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Thank you, Friend Colin, for pointing out my error. You are a real gent [Groan! – J.C.]. I shall correct it forthwith.
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Friend Singer! Any more of your cheekiness, and I’ll literally throw the book [I totally despair! – J.C.] at you!
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Dear Friends.
Find myself reporting all abuse or nasty comments regarding our Leaders Sermons and Pronouncements to the Guardian Hib of Truth as they provide for “reporting”.
People-and here I shall name them-Virgil Kane and Don`t Do as I do are class enemies of the people-and by my whining about my safe space and right not to have drink mentioned in connection with SOLs pristine pieces to the nation, I see myself now as a sapper-a follow upper and mopper up in the cause of SOLs fearless forays into enemy heartlands.
Wonder if I could get my lads to set me up with a red card/orange card emoji?…reporting them to Polly Toynbees office seems a bit draconian-but THE Cause MUST come first!
Did I do good Leader?
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Friend Alicia! You didn’t do good – you did excellent :).
Must admit, I get a certain degree of pleasure seeing the Hard-Right BTL commentators viciously attacking my Socialist Gospel in that Far-Right rag. They are obviously – literally – terrified of me!
You don’t need to worry about these people though – they are literally flotsam and jetsam! Must admit, I rarely bother to reply to them, because the fact that they’ve descended to personal attacks means that I have managed to – literally – rattle their cages!
Not, of course, that I am telling you that you shouldn’t – literally – go after them. It’s just that I’m not altogether sure they’re worth the effort :).
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Suckmeister Lefty on topmost form. He commonly responds when called leader, but dinna be dumfloxed, there is only one leader – our Jeremy of the Sorrows, he of the Rump, Lefty’s mentor (and monitor). Alicia turn away from Lefty’s Dark Side (we know you are tempted) and into the true warmth of the Bolshevik pyre.
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Alicia. Sucking up to Lefty gets you literally nowhere (and beyond). As a master suckeree himself he knows all the tricks and now rejects them. Note how he treats his leader – the Jeremy of all our Sorrows. Toughen up lady, join the disrespect.
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But isn`t the accepted wisdom of Dame Catherine Ashton, Lord Peter Kellner etc that “divided parties don`t butter any parsnips”. Something like that.
So now i`m in a tizz-do I support Dear Leader Lefty, or pledge my Pledging Allegiance to YOU.
Or is another rising star of the Left soon to show like a clapped-out omnibus? Do I wait for him…or her, it, ze, shim or whatever kind of Izzard it be?
Now I know how Lib Dems get so confused.
I disrespect ALL of you now…did I do good there Singer Bridges?
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Alicia, don’t pledge allegiance to me – I’m a troll don’t yer know? Also beware his archbishopric who will entice you into his troika. This site is literally a cesspit.
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Friend Singer! I’ve just realised that you’ve viciously failed to provide the total number of “Literally’s” in this Blog, and, come to think, possibly some other recent ones, too. Please could you resume this service, for this and future Blogs? My readers – literally – depend on you to do this.
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This is a fine site. At least a voice for the Common Man, never to be silenced-despite the death of 67% of Emerson Lake and Palmer. That`s what Brexit does to old rockers.
I detect a frisson between a self-confessed Troll for Corbyn-and a Red Warrior forged in the Steel Mills of Volvograd, yet assumes a stiletto form to rip open the sorry heart of the Guardian Letters. A positive boon.
I feel an ode coming on.
Splendid Steely Lefty
Cutting at the quick
Of Fascist Corp`rate hangnails
Trimming Liberal wicks
Swathes and swards lie fallowed
Cut up to the marrow
By his cutlass sickle
Hammered…not a little.
Can I be Revolutionary Bard, I have a pink beret and a scouse accent?
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Lefty you literally don’t pay enough for this valuable service. Pesetas from your Great Auntie Listeria’s civil war experiences don’t cut it. Even the pawn shop on the Edgeware Road won’t take them at 105% discount.
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I have withdrawn my support for what I had hoped would be the other half of the “Dream Ticket”. I saw you as either Kinnock or Hattersley who-you will recall-swept the board before them in all elections between 1984 and 1992. I pledge my undying and unswerving allegiance now to The Leader, but will(being a bit of a sap) transfer all loyalty and fealties , should our host get a bit soggy on us. But he seems firm and tall in the saddle. surveying the plains and all ready to lead us to victory in 2017. Hope not to see you at the tumbrils as I do my purl and stitch, but “la vie de la tricotreuse , c`est a femme fatale et difficile”
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Cheryl Fletcher. Welcome to this artistic smorgasbord. Your poem was truly odeful. Kudos. You should get Ron (or is it Len?) to set it to musak and play it on his dumpster organ. Lefty might accompany with his symphonic spoons, in which case you’re on your own. Avoid the Archbishop’s choirboys at all costs.
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Reckon there`s a duet there Singer-be nice to see you and Cheryl doing a Renee and Renato under a suitably gas lit bridge. Very Dr Zhivago!
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Alicia You have no idea just how infernally difficult it is to find an uncluttered bridge and now you want to literally “spoil” mine with your, no doubt worthy, suggestion of a duet. Trolls are literally solo art-easts, we need peace and quiet to count literallies and detect the slightest clipity-clop sounds of a Tory leaver. Kippers, on the other trotter, make such an infernal racket you would hardly think they literally only had one parliamentary seat.
I see you have pledged your dying support for “the leader”, but which one? I am literally gog-less.
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Letfly, saw your insightful (or was it inciteful?) tweet about the French disposal of unwanted diesel cars causing awful, awful climate change. I realized that I no longer knew Jeremy’s latest views on this dastardly right-wing globalization by-product/dastardly right wing hoax (delete as appropriate). Please advise soonest, have a climate change lecture to heckle/applaud (delete as appropriate).
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Letfly. You will come to regret your latest New Year’s Dissolution –
“5. I’ll take in to my home the same number of refugees as Gary, Lily & Yvette have taken in to theirs.”
Gary is building a new wing to his mansionette with the intention of rehousing 68 abject football refugees from the stricken depths of deepest Leicester who have been repeatedly blitzkrieged by the Great Powers of Manchester and Liverpool this season.
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Point taken singer-trolling must be a lonely occupation, bit like a psychic lighthouse keeper I`d imagine.
Feel though that your worthy contributions might merit my knitting you a beanie, a hip flask warmer, cover for a hot water bottle or some confident socks…you are on the frontline, and we girls at home know that your necessary antidote to my slavishness needs encouraging. The flinty spark of the revolution to come needs both your flint and SOLs kindling should it burn for all the ages.
Head size, shoe size, width of Jim Beam bottle?…cable or stockinette. purls a singer too you know!
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Alicia I am totally glomble-feddled, my vitrified hearts pump like plumptious manifolds. Never before have I been offered anything, and now by such a charmer. Hat size is normal 16 3/4, don’t wear socks – don’t forget the horn holes, and my Jamiesons bottle is just the right size – enormous. As to knitting stitch style, I have little preference but would insist on rose red to enhance my political stance. Can offer goat entrails as reciprocity gift. Delicious with Tory veg – like Aleppo artichoke or White (horse) asparagus.
“Pearl’s a singer” used to be one of my favourites, but for the life of me, I cannot recall who sung it. Brain cells mortifying fast – it’s all that far right austerity.
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You had me at “plumptious manifolds”! Reckon you`ve earned some fingerless gloves if socks are not your thing. The need to unscrew the top of your Jamiesons might require this, as General Winter approaches. thinking now of a muted Soviet red, with a Belarus fleck pattern. THEY didn`t sell Uncle Joe down the Don, so do like to show international solidarity with the REAL Left. Corbyn is no Beria is he now, let alone a Yagoda!
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Jamiesons has screw caps? I never knew. But it won’t be the same without the accompanying metallic taste and the glass grit texture.
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Aislouisa. Interesting, you are well beneath the radar. The right wing, lickspitling, Wickipedia have no record of anyone named as you. Are you in fact a veritable Putin hacker that Trump, with all his great but misguided wisdom, disbelieve exists.
Letfly have you investigated this lady’s creds? Possibly an investigative case for the Archbishop to all the Taliban – you know he loves his kangaroos.
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Pearl’s A Singer was sung by the viciously Hard-Right Elkie Brooks, who used to be with the Far-Right Vinegar Joe.
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Yes, yes, yes. And do you remember the scadalous parody “Earl’s a winger”?
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Rather liked Robert Palmer though-always a credit to his mother and a sensible Yorkshire Tory I`d guess.
Oh-that means death to this class traitor doesn`t it?
So HARD to be a consistent Lefty in these troubled times.
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Barnier and Juncker, Ken Clarke and Cleggy
Endless Old Labour, Verhofstad all ready
Soubry and Tories, and Izzard who sings.
These are a few of our favourite things.
Geldof and Allen and Albarn or Eno
Lineker, Arsene and all honest heroes
Beg that we stay, so that`s all that we need
I`m on the march to wherever they lead.
Say NO to the Fascists-say YES to the EU and no more votes for the counter bourgeoisie, and elements of false consciousness!
Revolutionary Odd Ode #2.
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Cheryl. Truly and literally wonderful, even more odeful than the first. And all those name slots which can be filled ad nauseam as our mood (or our leader) changes – perfection! Just the teeny teeniest scaning problem at the end perhaps? I suppose we couldn’t get Madame von Trap (who’s literally dead) to record it. Suppose we’ll have to fall back on the literally voluminous charms of our Diane. Wot say you dear leader?
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This would surely work, as long as Miss Dianne Herself has the “singing and all round entertainment ” gene that her brother Russ clearly has.
Certainly “all round”-enough gravitas to pull a planet into her orbit.
And-given her size -I`d say she has quite an “Atmosphere” that would add zest to the recording booth.
*all the above is, of course NOT intended to pre-empt our Leaders ruling on this trending topic”-I was out of order in the constitutional sense to presume as much, and have now returned to greasing chipolata and button mushroom paninis, applying clingfilm so they stay fresh for the assault on the Towcester Mobile Library Van-and my boys won`t march on an empty tummy.
Any code words from The Leader that the girls and I might need to know? The Pigs in Blankets do not, necessarily, comprise the Frying Squad!
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Friend Cheryl! I’m beginning to think I should – literally – rope you in to write some songs for this Blog! What – literally – say you? And I think that Friend Singer has – literally – a point re Diane …
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How come Cheryl you have the same tile as Aislouisa? – a paricularly dark and jagged one. I suspect we are being infiltrated by trotsky tileists. Letfly, do your stuff!!!!!
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Friend Singer! The Hard-Right WordPress is viciously refusing to allow me to reply directly below your question re “Earl’s a Winger”. But the answer is – literally – No!
Of course, the Far-Right Brooks then followed up PAS with the Hard-Right Climate Denial Anthem, “Sunshine After The Rain”, which viciously implied that weather has anything to do with climate, which of course it – literally – hasn’t.
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Very surprised young Letfly, I would have thought you would have supported the people’s sporting desires and been a fan. “Earl’s a winger” was about a rather unsuccesful footballer and parodied Elkie Brooks’ “tail” of a failed (but very tasty) chartreuse.
I note your latest impossible dissolution is to become less intolerant. Perhaps I should club together with the girls to pay Lillian Gish to come and rock your boat.
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Friend Singer! So-called “football” is merely a neoliberal distraction to keep the masses’ minds occupied with Far-Right trivia, rather than important subjects, i.e. how to literally smash this totally unelected Tory Government.
And I see that you are – literally – not keeping up to date with my Tweets, which is – literally – inexcusable, since they are now – literally – available in real-time on the Far-Right [Groan! – J.C.] sidebar of this very Blog.
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Au contraire mon Letfly. It is the presence of those infernal tweets that have allowed me to comment so appropriately upon your latest attempts to better yourself by adopting self imposed betterments (ie the succession of resolutions that will cause revolutions, evolutions and distress within your household and office (=cupboard).
I note, with some alarm that you are not keeping to only of them – literally.
I also note it’s the last day of Christmas, sorry Winterval, today. I trust that the fascist tree and tinsel will have disappeared by the midnight hour?
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Letfly. How many unfollowers do you currently and literally have? I presume they are all on a list and you will pass this onto Alicia as she sits on the tumbrils. Only 17million plus to go (and they literally all do wish to leave). Is this Labour’s prefered scheme to relieve over-crowding on Southern Rail?
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Lefty
I hope you do not mind but I literally could not help myself posting on that vile Neo fascist neo bourgeois neo conservative mouthpiece the Spectator when some literal neocon called Delabole or something like attempted to smear the wonderful Sherlock and the BBC ( also beyond compare) and that literally caring and so virtuous actor called Cummerbund ( is that right?
I hope I used the approved style and managed to literally use literally and our Jeremy etc etc.
I was driven to this by my mate Ron’s demented but justified rage when he read the article. He has pictures of Cummerbund all over the inside of our dumpster along with Lily Allan and others too numerous to name here.
Before I could reason with him he went out and smashed the windows of W.H.Smith and took out the magazines and burnt them in the market place .
A perfectly justified act of revolution and but a fortaste of our rage when our Jeremy takes power .and calls upon us progressives to storm the nests of the bourgeoisie and consign them to oblivion.
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As our Leader takes a well-earned sabbatical(he has given us enough ambrosia to last us until Easter with that Christmas series of tweets, which the Ages have already (quite literally )chiselled into my Baileys liquers?
Can I thank Mr Bridge Singer for keeping SOL up to the mark.
I say this because I do think that Clouseau needed his Cato, John needed his Yoko.
And-to show that I learned something from the 90s.
Shaun Ryder needed his Bez.
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Alicia. From whence commeth your knowledge of Letfly’s sabbatical? This would be surprising info given that his blogship selects his “best” (stop guffawing over there!) tweets on that day (I literally can’t wait for tomorrow).
Perhaps you know he’s been carcerated for yelling “Tory scum” at inoffensive and delicate, bezimmered, shawl covered, and partially-deaf old ladies who are, literally Tory scum. The truth will out you know – especially when his tweets are accompanied by little blue twitter-birds with leg-irons.
I know little about the Mondays or your knowledge of a relationhip involving “Bez”. My friend Wiki, however tells me Bez is literally one of us. In 2015 he stood for election in the Salford and Eccles constituency on a platform of “free energy, free food and free anything”. Receiving a massive 1.6% of the total turnout, he was literally cheated by the far right new Labour Party candidate Rebecca Long-Bailey (an obvious Bullington bully boy), who received only a paltry 49.4% of the total.
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